Picking up the Pieces Reposted
by Dawn
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks there is nothing left. S/D
1. Default Chapter

Title: Picking up the Pieces  
  
Author: Dawn  
  
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks that there is nothing left. S/D friendship  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: In the immortal words of Willow Rosenburg, "A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend." I don't own any part of Buffy. They belong to Joss to torture however he sees fit.  
  
Distribution: Anywhere, just let me know where.  
  
Feedback: Loved and appreciated.  
  
Author's Note: I'm really tired of Spike getting beat down and kicked around so I'm giving him back his dignity as a gift. Maybe if I'm really lucky, he'll thank me for it. Also, thanks to everyone who read my other stories and gave feedback. It's what keeps me writing, which I hope is a good thing.  
  
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It took one night of getting shit-faced drunk, another night of beating up every demon that had the misfortune of crossing his path, and one more night of crying like a sodding school boy for Spike to get a grip on the fact that the Slayer had dumped him. Dumped him. Anger welled up inside of him at the very thought of it and the demon in him reveled in it. It shrieked for joy inside of him as he gave in to his instincts for those three horrific nights. On the fourth day, he woke up when he realized he was on fire. He scrambled to his feet and rushed to a sewer opening. He had fallen into an exhausted stupor after having drunk several bottles of horrible tasting liquor and pounding on a few dozen demons. It was while holding his burnt hand to his chest that he realized he had sunk as low as he could go. She would not be his ruination. He drew himself up and decided it was time to start a new chapter of his long life, the one that began after Buffy.  
  
Spike's first item on the agenda was to find a new place to live. The crypt was a lost cause. The entire lower level had been incinerated. He could barely scavenge anything from that dark hole. The upper lever hadn't been touched however so his beloved duster, television and refrigerator were still in tact. Everything of Buffy had gone up in flames. How fitting. After he had packed up everything from the upper level he had gone to see a man who had only a month ago offered him a deal. He and Buffy had saved the man's daughter from a group of newbie vampires and the man owned an apartment complex. He had offered Spike a place to stay in exchange for Spike being a night watchman of sorts. To keep the baddies away. Free rent as long as no one who lived there died on the property. At the time, Spike had declined because he loved his crypt. It was so...him. But now it was time to start fresh. The pluses were numerous, running water, cable, and it came furnished. It was a two bedroom and probably better than anything he'd ever called home before. The man had been thrilled to see him.  
  
The second item on his agenda was that Buffy not find out. He had avoided her at all costs since that night. When she patrolled his cemetery he'd made it a point to stay out of her way. Seeing her and not being able to touch her was something he wasn't ready to deal with just now. Maybe in a couple of years. But, he didn't want the Nibblet to think he'd deserted her.  
  
So, item number three was to intercept her on her way to a friend's house and give her his new phone number and address. He made her swear she wouldn't tell Buffy and he told her to memorize the number and address and then burn the paper. Dawn had been more than a little confused. She knew Buffy had been acting more weird than usual the last few days but now Spike too? What was up with them? She even asked Spike but he just shrugged it off. He told her to let the Slayer know he hadn't left town, just moved. If she needed to contact him, send Dawn.  
  
Buffy had been beside herself for days. She had visited the crypt several times and not found him there. She had refused to question her motivation for wanting to see him again. She was even more upset when she realized his things were missing. He had left her. She went ballistic when Dawn told her that Spike had simply moved and didn't want her to know where. She found her big sister sneaking her cell phone out of her book bag looking for Spike's number. When confronted, Buffy had said she was just checking to make sure the phone was charged. Dawn gave her the patented "Yeah right" look and taken the cell out of her sister's hand.  
  
"I memorized it. You won't find it." She had smiled smugly. She loved annoying her sister and the fact that she wouldn't tell her where the vampire was holed up annoyed her more than anything. Dawn didn't have a clue what had gone on between her best friend and her sister, but she was starting to paint the picture.  
  
A week after the break up, Spike had finished setting up his new place when someone knocked at the door. He looked through the peephole to find Dawn standing on his doorstep. He opened the door and ushered her in, stepping out on the landing to check behind her.  
  
"I wasn't followed. Buffy's at work." She said with her hands folded in a defensive stance over her chest.  
  
"I'm not stupid you know." He flashed her a smile that melted her kneecaps and closed the door.  
  
"I know that. You learned from the best." He walked past her into the den. Dawn was shocked. The apartment looked great. He had put up heavy navy blue drapes to block out the sun over the large picture window that faced the inner courtyard and had somehow acquired a new TV and entertainment system.  
  
"Um, Spike, where did all the stuff come from?" Spike looked up from where he was bending over the fridge to meet her accusing gaze.  
  
"Calm down, bit. Bloke next door left without a word. He's probably dead but I didn't bring it up. The super let me have some of his stuff."  
  
"Oh." She felt kind of bad for accusing him then she remembered who he was. Scratch the bad feelings.  
  
"Did you eat yet?" He asked from the kitchen.  
  
"No, I haven't been home. Came here straight from school." She called back settling herself on the plush cream-colored couch in the den. Spike came around the corner with a soda for her.  
  
"I could order pizza or Chinese for you, if you want." He said, handing her the ice cold drink. She looked up at him puzzled.  
  
"Since when did you start stocking soda? You hate....the word you used was swill I think."  
  
"Since I got a fridge big enough." He smirked. She had to laugh. She was so proud of him. He hadn't let whatever had happened between him and Buffy destroy him or run him off. He had stayed, and she liked to think it had something to do with her.  
  
"So what'll it be?"  
  
"I guess Chinese." He went back to the kitchen to call in his order and she took the opportunity to snoop some more.  
  
She made her way down the short hall and found herself in the bathroom. Pretty basic. It was pretty big for an apartment and someone had decorated in soft shades of beige and tan. She opened the door across the hall and realized this must be the guestroom. It was pretty bland and figured Spike knew he wouldn't have any guests so he hadn't bothered fixing it up. The room at the end of the hall was his. It was done in dark colors of navy blue and hunter green. There were no windows and it had a private bath done in the same colors. She saw that the closet door was ajar and couldn't help but be curious if the only thing that would be hanging in there was a black duster and a million black t-shirts. She had just started to ease the door open when Spike spoke.  
  
"Find anything interesting, pet?" He was right behind her whispering in her ear, so close she could feel the breath from his words worry the hair at her throat. She screeched and whirled around. He laughed and took her hand to pull her back into the den.  
  
"So, what do you think? Do I get your stamp of approval?" For some reason he had led her into the guestroom.  
  
"Um, yeah. It looks great. You done good, Spike." He chuckled at her murder of his native tongue. He stood her at the door of the barren room and walked to the bed. He turned and motioned to the empty walls.  
  
"I figure, since you're the only person that will probably ever come here, this room is yours. You can decorate it however you like. I'm giving it to you." He finished looking directly into her startled blue eyes.  
  
"What?"  
  
"It's yours, pet. Just don't paint it fuchsia and I won't have to put your eyeballs out with hot pokers." He always came up with horrible torture he would inflict on her if she stepped out of line and it only made her love him more for the fact that she knew he did it out of his twisted sense of love for her. She couldn't help it. She started to cry. Spike was at a loss. He thought she would have liked the idea of having her own space somewhere that wasn't home. Thought she'd like fixing it up, all girly with posters of soon to be gone boy bands and fly by night actors with pretty faces. So why was she crying? He was in front of her so fast she actually stepped back. She sometimes forgot that he was a vampire. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly to him.  
  
"I'm sorry, Nibblet. I thought you'd like it. You don't have to fix it up. I can do something with it I suppose. A study or hot tub...." She was shaking her head violently.  
  
"No, Spike. No, it's just that it's the nicest thing anybody's ever done for me. Well except that time Buffy mixed our blood and told me I was a Summers for real, but other than that this is the nicest thing." She returned his hug and let go of him grudgingly. The hugging made him uncomfortable after a few minutes so she let him pull away. She got a mischievous look on her face.  
  
"I can do anything?" Spike was getting nervous.  
  
"Well, within reason, luv. No wild colors or making it look like a brothel but barring that then yes, anything you want." She looked around the room and nodded, thoughts already forming in her mind. The doorbell rang startling both of them.  
  
"Food's here!" She squealed running down the hall and heading for the door.  
  
It was getting late and Buffy was starting to worry. She had come home to an empty house and no note from Dawn. It wasn't till she had gone to the phone to call the police that she noticed the red light on the machine blinking. She hit the play button and was beyond relieved when Dawn's voice filled the kitchen.  
  
"Hey Buffy. I'm at Spike's. We're eating Chinese and watching movies so he'll walk me home after. No later than eleven I promise. Love ya! Bye!" The tape beeped signaling that as the only message. Buffy stood there with both hands on the hutch and let the tears track their way down her face. He didn't even trust her to know where he was. He didn't want to chance the fact that she'd destroy this home as well. Or worse, do more damage to his heart. She knew he just needed time. That's what they both needed, but the fact that he recognized that and was giving it to her was more than she'd ever expected of him and truthfully more than she wanted.  
  
She had expected him to show up at her door or in her room late at night, begging her to take him back. She'd expected him to rant and scream that it wasn't fair, that he needed her, that he couldn't live or unlive without her. But he hadn't done any of those things. He had instead avoided her and tried to pick up the pieces of himself that she had shredded and thrown at his feet and make a new life for himself. And he obviously wanted Dawn, without Buffy, to be a part of that new life. It hurt worse than she had imagined. She was being pushed out. This time, she was the outsider.  
  
Spike stole a glance at the glowing green numbers on the VCR and realized it was getting close to eleven. They had finished eating hours ago and settled on the couch to watch a movie and had wound up watching Comedy Central instead. They had laughed till they were sick and then he'd flipped it to the Discovery Channel where they were doing a documentary about Jack the Ripper. Dawn had bored quickly and fallen asleep with her head in his lap. He had thrown a blanket over her and begun absentmindedly stroking her long, chocolate brown hair. There was a strange, unfamiliar feeling settled right in the place where his heart had beat over a century ago and he finally realized what it was. He was content. Sitting here on this comfy couch watching the telly with his best friend in this world. He was happy. He didn't think he ever would be again after what Buffy had said to him. Come to think of it, there hadn't been too many happy moments even when they were together. He knew every time they shagged each other senseless she was doing it not out of any sort of feelings for him but out of her own selfish need to feel something, anything. It had meant the world to him each and every time and he'd even managed to convince himself that over time he would make her fall in love with him. God, he was a daft prick. Bloody stupid wanker.  
  
But this girl resting so trusting in his lap. She was the bright spot in his unlife. He'd felt so horrible for neglecting her when Buffy came back. He'd been so caught up in the Slayer he hadn't heard Dawn's cries for help. His eyes had been opened at Buffy's 21st birthday party. He'd made a commitment with himself to spend more time with her like they had the summer Buffy had been gone. Gone. They acted like she'd been on a bleedin' holiday or something. The summer she had been dead. There.  
  
Buffy had had to work the day after they'd all gotten out of the house so he'd gone with Dawn to return all the stolen merchandise. None of the shop owners had pressed charges and had even praised her for being honest enough to return it. He'd bought her ice cream and he'd listened to her go on about school and friends. He'd forgotten how much he enjoyed being with her. This little girl, well not so little anymore, this young woman, not the least bit scared of him ever. She loved him unconditionally. She saw through the monster to the man. Why couldn't her sister be more like her?  
  
Shaking the cobwebs of thought he hit the remote and turned the TV off. He shook Dawn gently.  
  
"It's not time for school yet." She groaned and he chuckled softly.  
  
"Dawn, wake up. I've got to get you home or Buffy'll kick my ass." She sat up slowly and stretched, finally prying her eyes open enough to look at him.  
  
"Why can't I just stay here?"  
  
"Cause you told your sister you'd be home by eleven and I'm not so sure she's too keen on you staying over just yet. We'll work up to it." He assured her.  
  
Buffy had to let him have Dawn. She had taken everything else. TBC 


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Picking up the Pieces Chapter 2  
  
Author: Dawn  
  
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks that there is nothing left. S/D friendship  
  
Spoilers: Set after "As You Were". AU after that.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I'm not making any money on this cause boy could I use it. It all belongs to Joss. Song lyrics belong to Avril Lavigne and were used without permission.  
  
Distribution: Anywhere as long as you let me know so I can visit.  
  
Feedback: It keeps me singing.  
  
Author's Note: Sorry it took so long for me to update this. Real life stepped in and reared its ugly head. This is dedicated to all of you who wrote and asked when I was going to finish this story. Thank you for reading the first part and thinking is was good enough for a second one.  
  
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Spike bolted up in his bed when he heard the front door slam. He looked around completely disoriented trying to figure out where he was and what the noise was coming from the other side of the door. He ran shaking fingers through his blond hair and took an unneeded breath. Suddenly the bedroom door swung open and a very irate Summers stomped in and through herself on the bed face down at his feet.  
  
"God, I hate her!" Came the muffled outburst.  
  
"I mean, she promised and everything and then at the last minute she says she can't take me so I can't go! I told everybody I'd be there and HE'S gonna be there and I won't be and my life is over do you hear me! Over!" She had at least turned her face out of the sheet so he could understand what she was saying.  
  
"Dawn, calm down and tell me what the hell you're babbling about. I just woke up so take it slow if you don't mind, bit." Dawn sat up in a huff and crossed her arms like a two-year-old. She was even pouting. It was adorable, sometimes.  
  
"Buffy promised she'd take me and my friends to the Bronze Friday night. One of our favorite bands is playing and Kevin is gonna be there. I don't know why I can't go without her. I'm fifteen for Pete's sake. Buffy didn't have Mom with her when she went clubbing at my age. It's discrimination and I hate it! Now all my friends are mad at me and my life is over!" She whined. She suddenly stopped and started to blush.  
  
"Spike."  
  
"Yeah, luv."  
  
"Do you own pajamas?"  
  
"Not last time I checked." With a squeal Dawn jumped off the bed and ran out of the room slamming the door behind her. Spike chuckled and threw the covers off. He padded naked into the bathroom for a shower.  
  
When he emerged from the bedroom a few minutes later Dawn was parked on the couch with a bag of chips.  
  
"Bit, you shouldn't be eating that junk. I can get us some food."  
  
"Now you sound like somebody else I know." She said rolling up the bag and meeting him in the kitchen. She laid the chips on the counter and sat on the barstool.  
  
"Sorry about busting into your room like that. Living in a house full of girls I forget that you're."  
  
"A guy?" He supplied for her.  
  
"Yeah." She ducked her head.  
  
"It's okay. I probably shouldn't go starkers when I know you might be dropping in. Besides, I usually don't sleep this late. Did you go home first?" He asked, the incident forgotten.  
  
"Nope. Came straight here. And yes, I called Buffy and left a message." She said quickly before he could ask. Spike pulled out a frozen pizza and turned the oven on.  
  
"So," he started, leaning against the counter and tilting his head to regard her, "about this thing on Friday."  
  
"Yeah, I can't go. Not if Buffy doesn't go. She won't let me out of the house without a babysitter. It's embarrassing."  
  
"She's just worried about you, Nibblet. After all the Glory stuff.."  
  
"I know that. But that's over! Glory's gone and nobody wants me dead anymore!"  
  
"Um, I beg to differ, sweet bit. You're still the Slayer's kid sister. Every demon and bad thing in this town would love to do the honors." Dawn's eyes went big.  
  
"They would?"  
  
"Well of course. It's what I would have done. Kill the Slayer's sister and then while she's wallowing in grief she let's her guard down and BAM! dead Slayer." She jumped as he smacked the counter to emphasize his point.  
  
"Wow. I hadn't thought about that." She quiet for a minute and then turned to him.  
  
"So how come you didn't?" He looked at her confused.  
  
"How come I didn't what?"  
  
"Kill me to hurt Buffy."  
  
The oven light went off and Spike moved to put the pizza in. He stood bracing himself with one had on each side of the stove. Why hadn't he? Why hadn't he gone after the Slayer's kid sister?  
  
Well, there was a question. He thought back to the first time he'd supposedly seen the bit. The monks had placed it in his memory that he'd first laid eyes on her the night Buffy had invited him into her home to come up with a plan to take out Angelus. He'd been sitting uncomfortably in the living room with Joyce when he'd looked up to see a pair of huge blue eyes starring at him from in between the banister rails on the stairs. He hadn't even realized the Slayer had a younger sister. He'd been in a feisty mood and had shown her a little fang thinking she would squeal and run upstairs. He'd nearly choked when she'd stuck her tongue out at him and disappeared up the stairs as if he'd insulted her. He'd been intrigued. That had to be the reason.  
  
He continued to reminisce. The second time he's seen her he'd come back to Sunnydale to kill Buffy to get Dru back. He'd gone to see Joyce knowing she would listen to his ranting and while he'd been gripping his cup of hot chocolate and pouring out his unbeating heart the same pair of blue eyes had suddenly been starring at him from the doorway. The more he talked the closer she had moved towards him until she was sitting on the stool next to him. She had been so tiny at the time. A skinny little thing, all arms and legs, with braids in her dark hair. The funny thing was that even at that moment he remembered thinking she didn't look a thing like Buffy or Joyce.  
  
What struck him the most though was that she hadn't been the least bit afraid of him. Not at any point had she shown any fear of the fact that a blood-sucking vampire was sitting in her home with only her and her mother. But the clincher, the moment when she'd sneaked into his heart, is when Buffy had come in ready to stake him for being in her home, the bit had defended him. She had pulled Buffy off of him and stood directly between the two of them. Eyes blazing she had told her big sister to leave him alone.  
  
Now, he had been rather drunk so that's probably why he'd felt tears well up in his eyes. No one had ever stood up for him before. No one had ever stepped between him and anything that had caused him pain in his entire existence, human or vampire.  
  
"Spike?" Her voice pulled him back into the present. He turned and met those same blue eyes.  
  
"I don't know. I don't know why I didn't kill you. There was just.something about you. Something I didn't want this world to be without." There was a moment of awkward silence and then Spike cleared his throat.  
  
"Anyway, what I was gonna say was that I could take you." Dawn's face lit up and again with the squealing. She jumped off the stool and threw her arms around the vampire's neck squeezing till he thought his eyes would pop out of the sockets.  
  
"Oh thank you, thank you, thank you! You're the best! I have to go call Janice." She was about to run away from him when he grabbed her arm.  
  
"Hold on. I said I'd take you. I didn't say Buffy would let me. You need to talk to big sis first. If she says it's okay then I'll tag along and sit in a nice dark corner so nobody knows I'm your sitter."  
  
"Please, Spike, you don't have to sit in the corner. You're the coolest person I know. You could hang with us and help me make Kevin jealous."  
  
"You have a wicked mind, bit. That's one of the things I like about you." He smirked and Dawn ran to the phone to call Buffy at work.  
  
Buffy was practically laying down on the front counter half asleep when Sophie told her she had a phone call. She walked to the break room and picked up the phone to an already talking sister who was babbling so fast she couldn't make out a word.  
  
"Dawn, calm down and start over. I have no idea what you're saying."  
  
"Spike said that since you have to work Friday he would take me and my friends to the Bronze and watch out for me. He'll walk me home afterwards I guess or bring me on the bike, and before you even ask, yes he makes me wear a helmet which I hate." Buffy smiled at the thought of Spike simply forcing the helmet on a protesting Dawn's head.  
  
"Where are you now?" Buffy asked her little sister.  
  
"I'm at Spike's."  
  
"Oh." She refused to admit how much it hurt that her sister would rather be at the home of a vampire than with her. She also wouldn't admit how much it hurt that she hadn't seen him or talked to him and had no way of contacting him. Well, it was her own doing. She'd just have to suck it up.  
  
"I guess it's okay.." She got no farther before Dawn was screaming thanks in her ear and then the line went dead. Buffy held the phone for several minutes before she realized what she was doing. She brushed the tears caused by loneliness out of her eyes and hung up.  
  
Friday morning came way to slow for Dawn and she was dreading talking to her sister about what she wanted to do after the Bronze that night. She got up without having to be coerced and got her shower. She appeared in the kitchen dressed and ready to go with plenty of time to spare. Buffy just starred at her from across the bar.  
  
"Okay, who are you and what have you done with my sister?" She commented. It usually took thirty minutes just to get the girl out of bed and into the shower. Getting her downstairs for breakfast was a whole other fight.  
  
"I'm just excited about tonight. I barely slept. And I thought how unfair it was of me to lounge in bed and make you get all upset before work trying to get me to school."  
  
"Uh-huh. What do you want?" Buffy knew the drill. She'd done it to her mom a hundred times.  
  
"I should have known I couldn't get past you. You're the queen."  
  
"Yes, and as reigning champ I demand to know what the display of maturity is going to cost me."  
  
"How about a night in the house all by yourself with no me to disturb you. You could have friends over and watch R rated movies that you won't let me see or you could drink alcohol." Dawn suggested.  
  
"Yeah, cause we all know how well that goes for me. And where would you be while I'm having all this alcohol?"  
  
"Well, I was just thinking that there was no point in coming all the way home after the Bronze and since I'm gonna be with Spike anyway I thought maybe I could just spend the night at his place?" It was stated as a question and Buffy's heart dropped to her toes.  
  
"Did Spike suggest this little sleep over?"  
  
"What? No. It was my idea but he said it was okay if you were all right with it. We're gonna paint my room tomorrow." Buffy suddenly forgot the thought path she had been on and jumped to a new one.  
  
"Your what?" She breathed.  
  
"My room. He's got a two-bedroom and he said the guestroom was mine since I'm the only person who ever comes over. He says I can do whatever I want as long as it's not too extreme. Buffy, are you okay? You look a little sick."  
  
Buffy grabbed hold of the counter and took deep breaths. She felt lightheaded. He was making a room for her. He must plan on her staying there a lot. Well, isn't this what she wanted? Help with her wayward sister and time to get her life back, without him in it? So why did she feel like she'd been punched in the stomach? Cause he was making room for Dawn and he was completely shutting her out.  
  
She wanted to yell NO you can't stay with Spike and you can't have a room at his house and you can't be the only thing that he cares about and you can't take my place! Instead she took on more cleansing breath and stood up straight.  
  
"Sounds fine to me. What time will you be home tomorrow?" She knew what this feeling was now. She felt like a divorced parent. The implications of that were too much to think about so she blocked it from her mind. Dawn was practically bouncing in her seat.  
  
"Whenever you say. But I could be home by five. It'll take us a while to paint and Spike doesn't get up till around one or so." Buffy remembered but didn't say anything.  
  
"Ok, sounds good. Have fun." Dawn face was practically splitting she was smiling so big. She kissed Buffy on the cheek and ran to grab her backpack and overnight bag she had stashed on the stairs and was out the door and on her way to school.  
  
Dawn went straight to Spike's after school and nearly chatted his ear off about Kevin. The vampire swore he was gonna kill the kid the minute he laid eyes on him headache be damned.  
  
Thank God he didn't have to pick up any of her even chattier friends and it was just him and the bit taking his bike to the Bronze.  
  
When they finally got there he made good on his promise. He grabbed a beer and sat in a shadowed corner watching the girls pretend not to notice the boys and vice versa. One of the blokes finally got the balls to ask one the girls to dance and it broke the ice. Man how things really hadn't changed in a hundred years. He sipped slowly on his beer seeing as how it was the only one he was allowing himself tonight since he was driving and had Dawn with him and watched the crowd.  
  
A flash of red caught his eye and he was surprised to see Willow walking towards him. She was clutching her own drink and she slipped onto the stool next to him. She didn't say anything for a while, she just sat and took tiny sips of her drink.  
  
"Man, I miss high school. Things were so much simpler then. Crush on Xander, best friends with Buffy, and you trying to kill us all. Those were the good old days," she mumbled sadly laying her head down on the table. She'd obviously been here a while and had gotten a head start on the drinking.  
  
"Things change, Red. Sometimes for the better and sometimes not. But it always changes." She lifted her head to peer intensely at him. She pointed an accusing finger at him.  
  
"When did you get so smart?" He chuckled quietly and settled back against the wall.  
  
"I've always been brilliant. You lot just never took the time to notice." She seemed to accept that and went back to watching the crowd. It was then that she noticed Dawn.  
  
"Hey, isn't that Dawnie?"  
  
"Yeah. She's here with her mates." Willow looked concerned.  
  
"Does Buffy know she's here alone?"  
  
"She's not alone, Red, she's with me. I'm her sitter tonight." The witch's eyes grew large at that admission.  
  
"Buffy let you bring Dawn to the Bronze?"  
  
"Yeah, miracles never cease." He muttered sarcastically.  
  
"Wow. Big step Buffy. So Buffy's home alone tonight? That's weird. She didn't say anything to me. Figured if she had a Friday night without Dawnie she'd want to hang out with her pals you know? Wonder what she's doing?"  
  
Little did anyone know that said Slayer was in the balcony watching the whole thing. She'd gotten off work and come straight here. And what she never would have admitted to anyone was that she was here to catch sight of a certain blonde vampire and not keep an eye on her fifteen-year- old sister.  
  
She could see Willow talking to him in the corner and she couldn't help but wonder what he was telling her. Would he be mean enough to tell one of her best friends about them? She hoped not.  
  
She saw Dawn approach from the corner of her eye and drag Spike to the dance floor. The DJ chose a slow song and Dawn forced Spike's arms around her waist and wrapped her own around his neck. She could see him sigh heavily and give in. He laid his strikingly blonde head against her much darker one and swayed with her to the music. He didn't have to lean far. Dawn was just under his chin. The girl was gonna be six feet tall before she stopped growing Buffy could swear it.  
  
Isn't anyone trying to find me?  
Won't somebody come take me home?  
It's a damn cold night,  
  
Trying to figure out this life.  
  
Won't you take me by the hand?  
  
Take me somewhere new?  
  
I don't know who you are  
  
But I'm, I'm with you.  
  
Buffy felt hot tears splash onto the back of her hand and looked down surprised. She quickly swiped the tears off her suddenly cold cheeks and fled. Spike, who'd known she was there the whole time, saw her shove her way out the door. He said nothing. 


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Picking up the Pieces Chapter 3  
  
Author: Dawn  
  
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks that there is nothing left. S/D friendship  
  
Spoilers: Takes place after "As You Were." AU after that.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. As everyone is well aware, it all belongs to Joss.  
  
Distribution: Anywhere, just let me know where.  
  
Feedback: Love it like I love chocolate.  
  
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It was well past midnight when Spike finally insisted he and Dawn leave the club. Most of her friends had already gone home and the band that hadn't come on until 10:00 p.m. had just finished up.  
  
She walked beside him nearly bouncing up and down with excitement. She hadn't stopped talking since they had walked out the door.  
  
Spike suddenly stopped and Dawn would have walked right past him if he hadn't put out a leather-clad arm to stop her. She looked around and could see nothing that would have caused her any worry. But Spike had access to a level of sensing that she would never understand.  
  
They were in the alley the Bronze was located in and she could still hear the faint sound of music from the club. Surely no one would try to harm them this close to a public place? She had no idea how many people had died in this alley, some from the man standing beside her.  
  
"What is it?" She asked quietly. Before he could reply, eight vampires stepped out of the shadows all in gameface. Dawn's quiet gasp caused Spike to look over. She had gone completely pale and he could hear her heartbeat racing in fear. So could they. She started to tremble slightly. Spike simply stepped in front of her so that the whole group was now shielded from her view.  
  
"Can I help you gents?" He asked nonchalantly. He would never have let on but he was a bit concerned as well. If he were alone, he'd go in with fist and fangs till all of them were dust, but he had Dawn to protect so he had to hold his temper. His demon was screaming for a good spot of violence but he knew he couldn't keep Dawn safe and fight these gits at the same time.  
  
"Yeah, you can hand over the girl." Spike gave a short bark of laughter and crossed his arms over his chest.  
  
"I don't think so, mate." The biggest of the group stepped forward.  
  
"Well, we all know you can't eat her so what's to keep us from doing it?" They were all tensed for the attack and bloodlust shone brightly in their feral yellow eyes.  
  
"Well that would be me." Spike's voice had gone low and soft. Dawn knew he only spoke like that when he was getting ready to unleash hell on something.  
  
"Dawn, when I tell you I want you to haul ass as fast as you can for the Bronze. Wait there till I come for you. Call big sis. I don't have any stakes." She frantically grabbed his arm.  
  
"Spike."  
  
"Do it! Don't you dare disobey me." He hissed through clenched teeth that had begun to elongate right before her eyes.  
  
"Spike, I can't just leave you!" She pleaded. He turned and looked straight at her.  
  
"If you stay you'll get me killed." She understood. As long as he had to worry about her his mind wouldn't be on the fight. She nodded slowly and let go of his arm. The eight goons started forward.  
  
"Now, Bit! Run!" She was frozen for a second, unable to move, and then she turned and sprinted back down the narrow passage. Thank God for long legs. She could hear Spike's snarl behind her as he leapt into the fray. Not daring to look back, she ran until she hit the door of the club. The guy who had been checking ID's recognized her and her fear and hurried her in.  
  
"Where's the phone?" She asked breathlessly. He pointed to the bar. She ran over, grabbed the receiver and punched in her number. It rang four times before she heard the click.  
  
"Hi, you've reached the Summers' residence. Sorry we can't .." She slammed the phone down and sobbed. Spike was gonna die and it was all her fault. Wait! The cell phone. She'd nearly forgotten they had them. She picked up the receiver and quickly dialed the number. It rang a couple of times and finally her sister picked up.  
  
"Hello, I'm kind of busy here!" Dawn could hear fighting in the background and remembered that Buffy would be patrolling.  
  
"Buffy, hurry! Spike's in deep shit and they're gonna kill him if you don't get over here!" She yelled at her sister. She heard a shriek and then Buffy came back on the line.  
  
"Dawnie, what are you talking about?"  
  
"Buffy, please! The Bronze in the alley! Hurry!" The phone went dead and Buffy just starred at it for a second before what her sister had said registered.  
  
Spike. Dead. Hurry!  
  
She took off running, hoping that she would make it in time. She reached the alley in only a few minutes and was shocked to find Spike in the midst of getting the crap kicked out of him by eight vampires twice his size. He was bleeding from several cuts on his face and one gash on the side of his head. They must have slammed him against the wall at some point. He was favoring his left leg but he was still holding his own until three of them grabbed him and held him while the biggest one laid into him.  
  
That was it. Buffy saw red. With a yell that would have done Xena proud, she ran in drop kicking the beefcake and on her way down, staking him cleanly. As he exploded into dust, three others came at her. She quickly ducked a clumsily thrown punch and staked the surprised vampire on her way back up. Two came at her from each side and she disposed of them with blinding speed. Four down and four more to go. The last four must have been the first to attack Spike because they were a little worse for wear. All four were bleeding, two limping and one was missing teeth. They didn't take long. She stood in a cloud of dust scanning the shadows for any other demons. None presented themselves so she finally dropped her stance and turned to find Spike.  
  
He had pulled himself over to the wall and sat slumped against it. She fell to her knees beside him and looked over his injuries. Both of his hands were bloody at the knuckles and he'd probably broken several ribs and his leg. She sighed heavily. Not to mention his face.  
  
"Oh, Spike. What on earth am I gonna do with you?" She brushed his blonde hair from his forehead and jumped into a fighting position when she heard footsteps behind her. Dawn's huge blue eyes met her hazel ones.  
  
"Buffy? Oh, thank God! Is he okay? Is he dead?" She pushed past her sister and knelt next to the unconscious vampire. She ran gentle fingers down his bloody face and started to cry softly.  
  
"It's all my fault. I'm so sorry, Spike. It's all my fault."  
  
"Dawn, what happened?" She asked a little annoyed that her sister hadn't bothered to see if she was okay in her haste to get to Spike.  
  
"We were leaving the Bronze and Spike stopped me. He knew something was wrong. Then these huge vampires came at us and Spike made me run back and call you. Oh, God, is he gonna die?" She whispered.  
  
"He needs a little fixing up but he's not dust so that's a plus." Dawn whipped around and was suddenly towering over her smaller sister. Anger was rolling off of her in waves.  
  
"You think this is funny?" Her voice was shrill and nearly hysterical.  
  
"Oh, Dawn, no. No. Please don't be mad. Look, you go call Xander and tell him to bring his car. Don't tell him why. We'll get Spike to our house and I'll patch him up. He'll need blood but I'll worry about that later. Here, use my cell." Dawn grabbed the phone out of her sister's hand and called Xander. She told him in no uncertain terms that he was to get in his car and come get them immediately. Thinking Buffy must be in trouble he did what he was ordered. He was more than a little pissed off when he got there and it was Spike he had to rescue. One look at Dawn though and he kept his comments to himself.  
  
They got to the Summer's home and Dawn directed them on getting Spike out of the car. She wanted him on the couch in the den but Buffy refused. He was bleeding and the filmy curtains wouldn't protect him from the morning sun. They finally agreed on the basement. Buffy pulled out an old camping cot and Xander laid the still unconscious vampire non-to gently on it earning him glares from both girls. He rolled his eyes and left. Buffy sent Dawn upstairs for water, a washcloth and bandages. She didn't want her help but she needed someone to hold him up while she wrapped his ribs.  
  
She carefully washed his face and the gash on his head. She then cut off his black T-shirt and winced at the mass of bruises covering his chest. She looked up and saw Dawn just starring with tears running down her cheeks.  
  
"Dawnie, I need you to sit behind him and prop him up so I can wrap these." The younger girl put down the things she was carrying and went over to the bed. She lifted Spike up gently and sat behind him. Buffy could hear her whispering in Spike's ear words of comfort and caring. Her heart felt constricted and she was finding it hard not to cry herself. Why couldn't she love him the way Dawn did? Why was it so easy for her sister to adore him and so difficult for her?  
  
She wrapped his ribs carefully and when she was done she realized she'd have to look at his leg.  
  
"Um, Dawn, I need you to go upstairs now."  
  
"Why? What are you gonna do? I want to help." She stated stubbornly.  
  
"Dawnie, I think his leg is broken. I have to um.I have to."  
  
"Oh," Dawn blushed. "Right, I'll be upstairs if you need me." She headed for the steps and paused.  
  
"Sure you can handle this by yourself?" She asked with a hint of suggestion in her tone. Buffy just gave her "the look" and the younger Summers ran up the stairs smiling slightly. Now was the whole thing of actually doing it. It's not like she hadn't taken his jeans off before or not seen him naked. It's just that before he'd been a willing participant and the situation had been totally different.  
  
"Oh, good grief." She chided herself and unbuttoned the denim, pulling it gently over his lean hips and down his legs. The reason she'd made Dawn go upstairs is that she knew Spike never wore underwear. She then realized Dawn had understood what she meant at the prospect of removing Spike's pants. Buffy knew he went commando, but how did Dawn? A question she would most definitely get an answer to when she was done.  
  
His left leg was definitely broken and needed to be set before it started to heal. She braced herself and pulled. A low moan escaped Spike and Buffy quickly splinted the limb with two stakes. She'd laugh at the irony later. She rummaged around the basement until she found a pair of men's sweatpants. Whether they were her father's or Riley's she didn't know or care. She cut the left pant leg off at the knee and pulled them up Spike's body and over his hips. She got a fresh blanket from the dryer and laid it over his prone form. There were only two windows in the basement and both had been painted black. She never asked Dawn about it but had later learned of Spike's diligence in protecting her sister. She had been informed by all her friends that he had practically lived in the house after her death; refusing to leave Dawn for weeks after it happened. Eventually he had started staying at the crypt again but was still over to "key" sit often.  
  
Buffy rubbed wearily at her tired eyes and looked at the old wooden clock hanging on the wall. It was nearly two a.m. She pulled up a worn armchair and fell exhaustedly into it. She tried to cover a yawn but it was hopeless. She was asleep in seconds. 


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 4  
  
Author: Dawn  
  
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks that there is nothing left. S/D friendship  
  
Spoilers: Takes place after "As You Were." AU after that.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: Joss owns everything but here lately I feel like I know his characters better than he does.  
  
Distribution: Anywhere but please ask first.  
  
Feedback: It's what got me off my butt to write this fourth chapter.  
  
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Awareness was slow in coming and when it finally arrived Spike wished someone would knock him unconscious, again. His whole body felt as if it had been hit by a truck and then said truck had backed over him just to be sure. But worse than his broken ribs and leg was the blazing pain in his skull. He moaned and tried to lift his hands to massage his temples but his arms weren't obeying the slightest command. But someone else was there to understand what he needed. He felt tiny hands at the sides of his head and they began to rub in soft, gentle circles just above his ears. He would have sighed in pleasure if the rest of his body hadn't been clamoring for him to notice its pain too.  
  
He slowly opened his eyes and was met with an impish grin and relieved blue eyes. Dawn. He tried to smile back just to reassure her but it seemed his face wasn't working either.  
  
"Do you need something for the pain? I think there's some old pain medicine of Mom's from when she was sick. I could get it for you." He finally convinced one of his arms to reach up and take her hand in his.  
  
"S'ok sweet bit. Won't work anyway. No circulation. Just got to grimace and bear it." She gripped his hand firmly; as if trying to convey to him just how worried she had been in that single touch.  
  
"Are you hungry? Buffy got blood before she had to go to work. We've been taking shifts."  
  
Good God, how long had he been here?  
  
"You were out for 3 days. Buffy was beginning to worry. She even called Giles. Big step considering she hasn't quite forgiven him for leaving yet. So do you need some?"  
  
"Not hungry right now pigeon. Hurts too much. Just need to sleep."  
  
"No. Buffy said that you had to drink blood to get better. That's why she was so freaked out. We couldn't get you to eat anything. We just knew any second you were gonna go poof." Spike laced his finger with hers and pulled her around till she was sitting beside him. He needed to be able to see her. She looked okay so the fight must have ended in their favor. He couldn't remember much after his head had been slammed into the wall.  
  
"You and big sis okay? None of the nasties got a piece of her did they?"  
  
"No, she's fine. Dusted all eight in record time. I've never seen her like that. Spike, what happened? I mean, I know you were outnumbered but I've seen you take on at least that many bad guys before and come out with a grin. What was different?" He closed his eyes and contemplated whether or not he should tell her what he suspected. Would she tell Buffy? Would Buffy stake him right away or wait for him to screw up? No, she would keep his secret and he'd know if he could trust her by the reaction to his news.  
  
"The chip." She looked confused for a moment and then realization struck her.  
  
"I don't get it. How do you know it doesn't work? They were vampires. You've always been able to fight them." She hadn't pulled away and the look of fear he'd expected to appear in her eyes had yet to show itself. She loved him too much for her own good.  
  
"When the big one ran my head into the wall the chip went all wonky. It hurt to hit them. Just as if they were human. Hurt long enough for them to rearrange my innards. Then my head went numb and that little electric hum I can always here in my noggin stopped. So I figure the chip must have gotten fried somehow. I mean, I haven't tried it out or anything, it's just a theory." He could see the wheels turning in her head.  
  
"And if you dare ask me to test it out on you I'll beat you senseless regardless if it still works and zaps the top of my head off." Her shoulders slumped as her plan was thwarted before she could even suggest it.  
  
"I could call Xander. You could test it out on him." She said brightly. He would have laughed if he hadn't started coughing and clutching his protesting ribs.  
  
"Don't think I would be able to stop myself from pummeling him to death once I got started." She nodded her head in understanding.  
  
"Well our weekend was blown. Hard to paint a room with a broken leg and cracked ribs." Dawn said with mock indignation. Spike quelled the urge to laugh and smiled instead. He took a quick look down and confirmed that he did in fact have broken ribs and the mentioned broken leg. Lucky for him his whole body hurt equally so there was no one pain over all the rest.  
  
Most of the bruises were fading though so that was a good sign that his vampire healing was still a go even without the blood. But he knew the bones would never mend if he didn't have some soon. He forced his body into an upright position under much protest from the younger Summers.  
  
"Bloody hell," he hissed under his breath as he set his feet on the floor.  
  
"Spike, what the hell do you think you're doing!" He looked up with the parental look of "watch you language" and then stood up shakily favoring his injured limb.  
  
"I'm going home." She actually looked quite funny with that stunned "Spike is so stupid" look on her face.  
  
"Are you insane? You can't go home. You can't even walk! This first demon to run into you would tear you to bits! You can't just leave all by yourself!" He turned from the bottom of the steps gripping the rail for support.  
  
"Well then I suggest you help me." She huffed in frustration when she realized that it was useless. He was even more stubborn than Buffy if that was possible and she knew that once he'd made up his mind there was no changing it. She grabbed his arm and began the arduous journey up the basement steps and left him sitting on the couch in the den while she grabbed her discarded overnight bag.  
  
"Couldn't we have at least called a cab?" she complained as they made their way awkwardly down Rovello Drive.  
  
"Yeah and you could explain why you're out with a man twice your age in the middle of the night who has no reflection in the rearview mirror." He hated that he had to lean on her so much but his leg was killing him, no pun intended. She was surprisingly strong though and other than the cab comment she bore his weight without complaint.  
  
They finally reached the apartment and Dawn dug around in her jean pocket for the key. She got the door open and helped Spike into his room.  
  
"You want a shower before you get in the bed? I know you've got to feel all grimy from the blood." As tired as he was it did sound appealing. Dawn got everything set up for him. She turned on the shower and got it steaming hot. She hung a towel close so he wouldn't have to reach for it. She laid out a T-shirt (white this time) and a pair of black silk pajama bottoms, a gift from her, and laid them on his bed.  
  
"OK, everything's set. If you need me to wash your back just holler," she grinned on her way out of the door. Spike was so shocked he couldn't even think of a witty comeback.  
  
The hot water felt like heaven. His body didn't really register temperature unless it was extreme. He could feel himself warming to it. The water was tinged red for a full minute before it finally ran clear. He washed off and washed his hair being careful of the extremely sore spot on the side of his skull. He'd have to deal with all of those implications later. He knew the minute Buffy found out his time with Dawn would be over. The only reason she let him within ten feet of her sister now was because she knew he couldn't hurt her even if he wanted to, which was absurd. He'd turn to dust before he'd hurt his Bit and Buffy bloody well knew it.  
  
He realized he'd been in the shower for quite a while and that Dawn was probably worried enough to come check on him so he turned it off. He opened the door and found his towel hanging right next to it. He stopped for a moment just to wonder at the fact that there was someone in this world that loved him and cared enough to do such a seemingly insignificant thing for him. He shook his head and grabbed the terrycloth. He secured it around his waist once he'd dried off and stepped into his bedroom. Dawn was sitting propped up again the headboard looking worriedly at the door.  
  
"God, I thought you'd drowned or fallen and hit your head or something." Her voice was strained.  
  
"Sorry. Took a bit longer than I meant to." He reached for the T-shirt and tried to drag it over his head. He winced and put his arm down. His ribs hurt like the devil. He could here the sheets whisper as Dawn moved closer. She took the shirt out of his hands and grabbing the neck she pushed it over his tousled blond curls and helped him put his arms through. She pulled it down till it covered his chest and sat back on her heels to look at the finished product.  
  
"There. See if you'd just asked to begin with your ribs wouldn't be hating you right now." He glowered at her and held up the pants. She shrieked and left the room in a flash. He couldn't help but chuckle as he dropped the towel and carefully pulled them on. He sat on the bed and pulled himself up to the pillow. A few minutes later a timid knock sounded at the door and Dawn appeared with a mug of warm blood.  
  
"Sorry it's not human. Buffy won't let me go to Willie's by myself."  
  
"Good." He sipped the lukewarm liquid and then gulped the whole thing down. He saw the disgusted look on Dawn's face when he sat the cup down.  
  
"I don't care how often I see you do that I will never get used to it." Spike grinned and lay back on the pillow.  
  
"You gonna be okay?" She asked concerned.  
  
He opened his eyes and starred at the amazing person standing beside of him.  
  
"Yeah, bit. I think I am." She ran her fingers through his soft blond hair, leaned over and kissed him on the forehead. She picked up the empty mug and left the room turning off the light as she went. That strange warm feeling in his chest was disconcerting. It had taken him a while to get used to Dawn's random acts of affection. And he'd been away from her so long while he and Buffy had been going through their "shag each other senseless" stage that it surprised him once again. Buffy was so taciturn in her ability to show emotion that it had quite shocked him at first how free Dawn was with hers. She would often hug him or hold his hand or give him quick pecks on the cheek. It made him extremely uncomfortable until he realized there was no ulterior motive to it. It was just Dawn. She did not try to temper her feelings for people the way Buffy had learned to. Her face and expressions were an open book. If she loved you, you knew it and if she didn't then you'd better watch out.  
  
Spike sighed and finally drifted off to sleep.  
  
Dawn woke so suddenly she fell off the couch. She groaned aloud as she sat up and nearly had a heart attack when she saw the sunlight creeping around the heavy drapes in the living room. Buffy was gonna kill her. She jumped up and raced down the hall to Spike's room. He was still sleeping so she penned him a quick note and left it on the nightstand by his bed along with another mug full of warm blood. She ran all the way home. She only slowed when she got to her own front door. She inserted the key and pushed slowly. The house was quiet. Well, it was until Buffy came around the corner from the dining room.  
  
"Dawn Summers! Where have you been? I have been up since I got home from work worried sick about you. I come in here to Spike gone and you missing! Where were you?" Buffy's hands were placed firmly on her hips and for just a moment Dawn could have sworn she was channeling their mother. She closed the door with a soft click and leaned against it. She was dead tired and bone weary. All she wanted was a shower and her bed, not necessarily in that order.  
  
"I was at Spike's."  
  
"And why was Spike at Spike's? He had no business even getting up! He was half dead!"  
  
"You said he was all right!"  
  
"Well I lied!" Buffy yelled.  
  
"Is everything okay down here?" Both girls looked up at a bleary-eyed Willow who stood at the top of the stairs.  
  
"Yes!" they both shouted in unison.  
  
"Great." Willow turned and went back to bed.  
  
"Dawn, do you know how dangerous it was to move him as injured as he was?"  
  
"You try making Spike not do something he's set his mind to and see how far you get," Dawn said defensively. Buffy opened her mouth and realized her little sister knew the vampire pretty well.  
  
"Fine. He made you take him home. You could have called."  
  
"I would have but after his shower and getting him to bed I was exhausted and I."  
  
"His what?" Dawn rolled her eyes and started for the stairs.  
  
"Give it a rest Buffy. Spike never has any intention of taking advantage of me, ever. Not that I would mind." She realized what she'd just said and hurried to cover. "But he sees no other woman but you. Not to mention he's like my brother or something so eww gross." She hoped that would put her sister's overactive imagination to rest. It seemed to do the trick.  
  
"Well, next time you know you're gonna be out all night at least call me first. And I don't mean on a date so get that hopeful expression off your face. I meant when you're at Spike's." Buffy ran shaking fingers through her already messy hair and took a deep calming breath. She finally asked what she had been dying to all along.  
  
"How is he?" Dawn couldn't hide her grin.  
  
"He's okay. Most of the bruises are gone and after some blood and sleep the bones should be back to normal. His head however." Oops. Best not to tell Buffy about that just yet.  
  
"His head?" Dawn stuttered and tried to think up something, anything.  
  
"Yeah, his head got banged up pretty bad. Heck of a headache he said. But he was sleeping okay when I left. I'm gonna hit the sack if it's okay with you. I'm spent." Without another word she turned and ran up the stairs to her room. She was asleep in seconds.  
  
Buffy stood at the bottom of the steps and looked around the empty room. It should have been her. She should have been the one to help him with his shower and into bed and baby him with warm blood and.. She shook her head to clear such thoughts. Again she had to tell herself that this is what she wanted. She had wanted him out of her life and he was, mostly. But every time Dawn came home with stories about the things they had done or something funny Spike had said it cut a little deeper each time. She missed him. It was as simple as that. But she didn't miss the way they had been. She missed something they had never had. She missed what Dawn had with him. An easiness, a friendship and a knowing that he would never fail her. She pushed her hair out of her face and forced herself not to burst into tears, again.  
  
Spike was sleeping rather peacefully when someone began knocking on his bedroom door. He tried to drown out the noise by pulling the pillow over his head but they just kept doing it.  
  
"Sod off!" he yelled, sticking his head out from under the pillow for only a moment. He heard the click as the door was opened. He peeked just out of curiosity and was not surprised to see Dawn there with her backpack slung over her shoulder.  
  
"I guess you must be feeling better if you can yell at me." She said coming over and plopping down on the bed next to him. A grunt was her only response.  
  
"What's with the bag? Don't tell me you actually made it to school today."  
  
She gave it a glance and sat it down on the floor.  
  
"No, I slept all day. I left Buffy a note that I was gonna stay here tonight and catch the bus in the morning. Is that okay?"  
  
"Yeah, it's all right unless Big Sis gets a notion to have the Wicca do a locater spell for you." Dawn just shrugged and scooted back further on the bed.  
  
"She would never do that. She knows that you don't want her to know where you live and no matter how bad she may have treated you she'd still have this weird honor thing about going against your wishes."  
  
"Yeah, I get that. Bloody hero types." He scoffed.  
  
Dawn finally encouraged (or nagged) him to get up and come in the den so they could at least watch TV together. She set him up on the couch with a throw (as if he could get any colder) and another mug of blood. She was determined to mother him to death and he let her because she needed to do it. They watched this and that until the sun had set and it grew darker. Dawn fell asleep with her feet in his lap and her head on a pillow.  
  
Spike didn't know when he stopped watching the tube and started watching her. She was an extraordinary girl. At times, Spike thought she must be the strongest of all of them. So much had been placed on her thin shoulders and even with a hysterical break down or two she had adjusted and gone on. He knew it had been difficult on her when Buffy died. Their summer together after her sister's death had been a healing time for both of them. And they'd both been thrown back into turmoil when Buffy had suddenly been not dead. He'd been so shocked that he hadn't noticed Dawn fade into the background. He hadn't even realized she was screaming silently for help until the fateful birthday party. In so many ways she reminded him of Joyce. A strong, comforting presence not always seen but always there.  
  
"Oh, mum. You'd be so proud of her." He whispered into the empty room.  
  
Again Dawn woke to the sun slithering around the drawn curtains. She pushed herself up off the couch and yawned. At some point Spike had thrown the blanket over her and gone to bed. She glanced at the clock on the VCR and nearly panicked. She had thirty minutes to get ready and make the bus. She tried to be quiet as she changed in the bathroom and quickly brushed her teeth. She checked in on Spike quickly before leaving to find him fast asleep. She grabbed her bag and headed out the door.  
  
By 5:00 p.m. Spike was worried. By 6:00 p.m. Spike was well beyond worried. He had never panicked before so he didn't know if this is what it felt like but since he'd never had this feeling before this had to be it. He walked repeatedly from him room to the front door and kept looking out the peep hole to be sure she wasn't there yet. By 6:30 he couldn't stand it anymore. Dawn had told him she was coming over right after school. That should have been 2 hours ago at least. He was going to have to swallow his pride and go to Buffy's house. He waited till the sun had gone completely down before taking his motorcycle and heading for the school. He searched the grounds and knew there couldn't be anyone there. The place was deserted. He got back on his bike and rode the familiar streets to Buffy's home. He raced into the driveway and skidded to a stop leaving a black mark halfway up the cement. He jumped off and ran to the door.  
  
Buffy heard the banging from kitchen. She had just finished washing up the supper dishes when it started. She ran to the door and threw it open. Her heart leapt up in her throat when she saw Spike standing on her doorstep.  
  
"Spike?" she wasn't questioning if it was really him just that he was really here. But he wasn't even looking at her. He was looking past her into the house.  
  
"Is she here?" Buffy was so shocked to see him his question took a minute to register.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Is she here? Is Dawn here?" Buffy's heart that had been in her throat was now at her feet and frozen with fear. Her head was shaking the negative before she could even get the words out of her mouth.  
  
"No. She told me she was going to your place after school? She's not there?" She knew how stupid that sounded the minute the words left her mouth. "No moron, Spike is here scared to death because Dawn is sitting on his sofa eating chips," she chided herself. Spike just gave her a look and turned away.  
  
"Hey! Where are you going?" She yelled to his back. He swung around and stomped back up the door.  
  
"I'm gonna go find Dawn. You can carry on as usual." She actually shrank away from him as is he'd punched her. Then the anger and rage set in.  
  
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" She grabbed his leather-clad arm and swung him to face her.  
  
"It means you've gotten accustomed to life without her, Slayer." Ugh, she hated when he called her that. "It means she would rather live with, and I quote, 'an evil, disgusting thing' than her own sister. She feels like it makes your life easier. And whether or not you notice she's doing it that's exactly what she's doing. Trying to make your life easier by removing herself from it." Buffy was frozen in place. She couldn't even muster tears. She was too horrified by the words coming out of his mouth. And even more horrified to realize that was exactly what her little sister was doing. Shaking the thoughts from her head she looked up into his piercing blue eyes.  
  
"I'm coming with you."  
  
"No."  
  
"No?" she couldn't believe him.  
  
"No. It's better if we split up. You go to her chums. Call 'em; knock on their doors whatever. Just see if she's there or when they last saw her. I'll hit the underbelly. I'm more likely to get info without the Slayer by my side. I'll check back here in a couple of hours to see if you found anything." With that he did walk away. He revved the bike and tore out of the driveway.  
  
Shaking away feelings of guilt and self-recrimination, Buffy sprinted to the kitchen to start calling around. 


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 5  
  
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks there is nothing left. S/D friendship. Takes place after "As You Were" and is AU after that.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own it and if Principal Wood harms one hair on Spike's head I won't want to.  
  
Author's Note: Thanks to all of you who reviewed the last chapter. I'm sure you're all shocked at how quickly I'm updating! Go me!  
  
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Spike was at his wit's end. He'd been to Willie's and nearly beaten the shit out of him trying to find out if he knew anything about Dawn's whereabouts. He figured if after 3 broken teeth the snitch still said no then he must have been telling the truth. He'd hit four other demon haunts before giving up and heading back to Buffy's. All the lights were on in the house when he pulled up on his motorcycle. He made his way to the door and took a glance through the curtains and into the living room. Great. The entire Scooby gang was gathered in a circle trying to comfort a distraught Buffy. They should be comforting him. He was the one who gave a damn. He barged into the house scaring all of them. Buffy looked up and then he saw the realization that he hadn't found her sister reach Buffy's eyes. She excused herself and fled up the stairs. Spike let her go and turned to her friends.  
  
"I guess she struck out on the friend front, eh?" Xander just shook his head and plopped down on the couch.  
  
"I don't know what's gonna happen if she looses one more person," Willow whispered tiredly. She rubbed her face with her hands and joined Xander on the couch.  
  
He could tell what they were thinking. They were all wishing they had left well enough alone and let Buffy rest in peace. She'd experienced nothing but misery since she got back. Well, a lot of it had been of her own making: him for instance. That could have been very good for her if she hadn't turned it into something ugly and violent. Anger was becoming a close companion of his these days.  
  
"What, you all just gonna sit there and sulk over past regrets? You pulled her out of heaven, dropped her in the middle of a life she never wanted in the first place, forced her to be your savior and your conscience, made her the mother of a teenager with no job and no money, and now you regret it? Guess you should have thought of all that before you did the mojo, huh red?" He spit out harshly. He saw both of them flinch. Bull's-eye.  
  
"And while you're lecturing to us oh great one, what exactly have you done to make her life so much better since she got back, huh? Except drool all over her and try to convince her to give it all up and run away with you. Yeah, you're a big help." It was as if after he said it Xander realized what Spike had actually been doing for Buffy lately, namely raising Dawn for her. He had the decency to at least look sheepish. Spike just ignored him. He turned to go out the door when Buffy's voice stopped him.  
  
"Spike," she whispered softly. He wouldn't have heard her at all if not for being a vampire. He looked over his shoulder and saw her standing halfway down the steps. She'd heard everything.  
  
"Could you guys please stop with the blame game? What happened is in the past. I'm tired of living in the past. I just want to find my sister and get on with my life ok?" She brushed past him and headed for the kitchen picking up the phone once she got there. He saw her hit 911.  
  
He reached her in three strides and put his finger on the button to disconnect her call. She glared up at him with fire in her hazel eyes.  
  
"Pet, I don't mean to be the bearer of bad news but they won't even start looking till she's been gone for 48 hours. She's only been missing for around five at this point. I'll keep looking. Stay by the phone in case she calls." There were tears streaming down her face now. He could see that she was getting ready to fall apart. He took the phone that she was clutching to her chest and put it back in its cradle. He took her cold shaking hands in his and gave a gentle tug so she'd look at him. Her watery eyes met his. She looked so lost. Just like that first night she'd wandered into his crypt after she'd been brought back.  
  
"Buffy, I know you're tired of hearing it but you've got to be strong. Dawn needs you now. Just her. Forget about Willow and Xander and just concentrate on Dawn. She's all that matters. I'll find her." He saw her straighten up and she pulled one hand away to wipe at her face. She sniffed loudly and nodded her head.  
  
"I can do that. For Dawn." She squeezed his hand and walked past him back into the den and the loving embrace of her friends. He hung his head as once more her rejection of him was displayed. He left through the back.  
  
He'd tried everything else so he decided to try and retrace Dawn's steps. If she'd been bleeding, which he hoped to God she hadn't been, he might be able to pick up the scent. He rode back to the school and started to walk the bike. He knew she'd been coming to see him so he struck off in the same direction. It wasn't until he was nearly at his apartment when he saw something strange. There was a break in the wooden fence that reached all the way to corner she would have had to turn to get to his apartment building. It looked like someone had made it as a short cut across all the back lawns of the people on Spike's street. Dawn would probably have taken it. He pushed the bike into some bushes and made his way to the fence. In the inky darkness it was hard to make out much so he vamped.  
  
There. There was his first sign of hope. Hanging on the broken fence was a piece of cloth. Spike grabbed it and brought it to his nose. He inhaled deeply and nearly sobbed as Dawn's scent assailed him. She had been through here. But when? Was this old? Something torn long ago on one of her many trips to his home? He slipped the piece of cloth into his jean pocket and pushed through the opening. He was standing in someone's backyard. There was a swing set and a little kiddie pool. He kept walking.  
  
There were probably five yards between the fence and his place. Everything looked normal until he reached the fourth house. It was dark inside and shabby compared to the houses around it. What grass would grow in the California heat had grown long and brown. Vines had grown up the brick and the paint was chipping from the windows and doors. It looked empty except for one thing; a dim light glowed from inside. Spike's senses went on full alert. Slipping back into his old self easily, he blended into the night and crept towards the house unnoticed.  
  
When he reached the patio doors at the back he flattened himself against the cold brick. With his feral yellow eyes he could easily see the layout inside. Someone lived there if you could call it living. There was a ratty old sofa against one wall and a television that had seen better days. There were food cartons lying around and the light, he discovered, came from a lone candle set on the bar in the kitchen. Whoever lived here wasn't even paying for electricity. Spike reached over and tried the door. He wasn't surprised to find it locked. With a little vampire strength, he broke the lock.  
  
He slid into the house and kept a constant feel for his surroundings. It was hot and muggy inside. There was no energy for the AC. He checked down the hall first. Every door stood open or at least cracked. All the rooms were empty save one. The last room produced a mattress on the floor and a few clothes scattered here and there. Spike turned and made his way back towards the den.  
  
He stopped suddenly. Blood. He could smell it but it was faint. He moved past the den and the little kitchen to the opposite hallway. There were two doors here. One must lead to the basement and the other was probably another bedroom. He grabbed the handle of one and pulled. Locked. He pulled harder and heard a satisfying crack. The room was completely black. There were no windows or if there were they had been covered. Spike reached for the switch and cursed softly when he remembered it wouldn't work.  
  
He crept back to the kitchen and snatched the candle. The dripping wax hit his skin and sizzled but he barely noticed. Something was not right here. He could feel it. A strange sense of foreboding covered him. He walked back into the room and made his way the center. It seemed to be some sort of office. There was an old desk with a computer sitting on it and a trashcan overflowing with paper. And something was fluttering all over the walls. Spike got closer and peered at the papers covering it.  
  
The candle hit the floor and the flame went out. Spike felt sick. He put his hand to his mouth to stop the blood he'd had earlier today from coming right back up. He staggered backward and fell right on his butt. He sat for several minutes trying to get himself together. Finally he turned till he was on his knees and searched for the missing candle. He found it and using the lighter in his pocket he relit it. He stood up and moved slowly back to the wall.  
  
Pictures. Hundreds of them taped or stapled to the wall. All of them of young girls in different states of torture. Spike had been a killer. Still could if a demon got in his way. He hadn't killed a human in forever. Used to be this kind of thing would probably have gotten him off but now, now there was Dawn. Dawn. Spike frantically began to search the multitude of polaroids for the familiar face. While he did he didn't even realize he was praying under his breath.  
  
He was halfway around the room when he saw it. Oh God. Hands chained together, a filthy rag stuck in her mouth; huge blue eyes wide open in fear. He could see blood but he couldn't tell if she was hurt. There was several more of her but none like the others. She had to be here. Had to be somewhere in this house. Spike took the candle back to the kitchen and put it back exactly where he had found it. He crept to the door opposite the room of horrors and found it locked too. He pulled and pulled but it wouldn't budge. Someone didn't want company in the basement. With a grunt he finally managed to break the lock and the deadbolt. He stared into blackness. He could see nothing past the third step, not even with vamp vision. Gulping down the unusual feeling of fear he stepped forward. The steps could be gone after the third one and he could plummet to concrete for all he know. But if Dawn was here then what the hell. He realized he was panting and stopped. If someone was down there he didn't want to announce his presence.  
  
Luckily the steps were just normal steps and he made it to the bottom without incident. The floor wasn't concrete after all, but dirt. With the little bit of light coming from the candle upstairs his eyes adjusted and he could make out that it was set up similar to the Summer's basement. The only difference was that someone had built a wall from one end to the other shutting off half. There was a black door in the middle. Spike moved quietly toward it and opened up his senses.  
  
It smelled like a grave in here. Musty and damp. It was cooler here too. He got to the door and pulled at the old fashioned handle that was attached to it. Surprisingly it came open easily. The scent of blood smacked him square in the face. The demon was raging inside him to find it and feed. He pushed it away and knelt down to feel along the wall. He couldn't see a damn thing in here. It reminded him of that scene in Silence of the Lambs. He could almost feel somebody behind him ready to wring his neck.  
  
He kept his vigil along the wall. His hands skimming over it hit patches of wetness that he didn't want to question at the moment. When he'd made it to the opposite corner of the room he hit something. The second he reached out to touch it the thing went wild. Screeching and hissing, pulling at it's bonds with all its might. Suddenly Spike stopped. Dawn. He could smell her.  
  
"Dawn? Niblet is that you?" he whispered into the darkness. The struggling stopped.  
  
"Spike? No, it's not you. It's just a dream. It's not really you," she whimpered and started a low moaning wail. It turned his already dead heart to ice.  
  
"Baby, it's not a dream. It's gonna be okay. I'm gonna get you outa here. Just hang on, pigeon." He felt for her wrist and his hands met with cold metal. She was chained to the wall and bleeding. Rage, unlike any he had ever felt, consumed him. At that moment his sensitive hearing perked up. Someone was home. He reached for her hand. She was shaking uncontrollably and was as cold as ice.  
  
"Dawn, be still and very quiet. And close your eyes." She reached out and grabbed his other hand, gripping both of them tightly.  
  
"I won't tell." She whispered. Spike lifted a hand to her face to push her thick hair behind her ear. It was matted with what was most likely blood. It only made what he was about to do all that much easier. He moved back to the door and waited.  
  
He could hear footsteps upstairs and someone humming. He knew when they found the broken lock on the study door. They started cursing loudly. And even louder when they realized the basement door was open. A flashlight beam cut through the darkness and he heard booted feet clomping down the stairs.  
  
"Who's here? Who the hell is in my house? You still here little girl? Still chained up nice and sweet like a good little whore?"  
  
Spike nearly growled but kept the howling demon down. He'd get his chance. The door was pushed open slowly leaving Spike hidden behind it. The flashlight fell on Dawn who was crouched in the corner. She started whimpering softly and Spike felt his humanity disappearing by the second. She was nearly naked. All that was left were her underwear and a tank top she'd probably had on under her shirt. There were scrapes and bruises covering her body.  
  
"Well, well, guess this little mouse didn't get away after all. Sweet little girl, we're gonna have so much fun tonight." that's as far as he got before he heard a strange noise. It sounded like an animal growling. He was in the middle of the room now and started to swing the flashlight in a circle to find out where the thing was hiding. How had it even gotten in here? He made it around to the door and could see nothing. Wait. The door. It had to be behind it. He crouched down and moved slowly forward, hefting the flashlight as a weapon now. He never had a chance.  
  
The minute his hand touched the knob something flew at him slamming into his chest. He tried to get the flashlight up but it was knocked out of his hands. Suddenly it was gone. He sat up panting and crab-walked back to the wall. He was sweating profusely now and shaking so bad he thought he'd wet his pants. Then he heard a voice in the blackness.  
  
"How's it feel, mate? Are you scared? No way out with death at the door. What's going through that ugly head of yours I wonder? Get off on hurting little girls, eh? Well, you've found a demon who gets off on hurting shitty little wankers like you." The man screamed when something heavy fell in his lap. He was petrified, couldn't move to see what it was. Finally he reached over and felt around till his hand closed over metal. The flashlight. What the hell was this guy playing at? Timidly he hit the button and a beam of light fell over a creature that came straight from his nightmares. Demonic ridges marred what would probably have been a handsome face under shockingly blond hair, yellow eyes flashed in the false light, and long fangs were bared ready to tear him apart.  
  
"You picked on the wrong little girl, mate." The man got out one good scream before the creature fell on him ripping into his throat with elongated teeth. But Spike didn't drink. His teeth simply ripped through skin and tendon until the guy's neck was barely holding his head to his body. With a savage roar Spike grabbed hold of the head and wrenched it from the floundering body. Blood sprayed over him as the demon in him shrieked in glee. Feed! Feed! It called to Spike over and over. But he ignored it.  
  
His breath was coming in great heaving gulps as he tried to calm himself. The rage abated slowly and the world came back into focus. Dawn. He threw the head to the side and grabbed the flashlight. He crawled on all fours until he reached her side. He felt in the darkness till his hand rested against her cheek. Her eyes were squeezed tightly shut and she was whispering softly to herself.  
  
"Baby? Niblet? Listen, I need you to stand up okay? I'm gonna pull the chains out." He wasn't sure she was even listening at first but she finally began to move. Spike turned on the light and located where the metal met the wall. With a vicious jerk they came away with chunks of concrete falling to the floor. He removed his duster and wrapped it around her thin shoulders. She was shaking violently now and he knew the risk of shock was great.  
  
"Bit, you have to stay with me. I'm here. You can feel me, see." He took her hand and placed it on his chest where his heart used to beat. That seemed to ground her a little. They needed to get out of here. With no words he picked her up in his arms and headed out the door and up the steps. He went out the back not wanting to attract attention by going out the front door. Now what? His apartment was closer and she had clean clothes there. He didn't want Buffy to see her like this.  
  
Dawn was crying softly against his shirt as he opened the door to his place. He kicked it shut with one booted foot and made a beeline for the bathroom. He sat her gently on the toilet and reached for the light switch. He wanted to cry when he turned to look at her but he didn't want to make it worse.  
  
She was dirty and her hair hung limp and matted around her. There was a gash in the side of her head where the git had probably knocked her out to get her in the house. There were bruises from angry hands on her arms and legs. There was one large bruise on her cheek and her lip was split. The guy had backhanded her. The rage was building again. The manacles were still attached to her wrists and had cut deeply. They were still bleeding. He went to the storage room and got a hammer and chisel and broke the cuffs off against the porcelain sink. She tried to rub the skin but Spike gently grabbed her hands and set them in her lap.  
  
"Dawn? Pigeon, I know you just want to get clean and sleep and forget this ever happened and we will I promise, but I need to know if he hurt you. Did he.did he." he couldn't even say it. He didn't want to know. He was crouched in front of her with his head in his hands. He felt fingers in his hair and looked up. Her beautiful eyes were pain-filled and red from crying.  
  
"He didn't rape me. He kept saying he was, kept talking about it, but he didn't do it. I think he was waiting for tonight. If you hadn't found me.if you hadn't come." tears welled up and slipped silently down her face. Spike reached for her and wrapped his arms around her slight form. She sobbed against him letting all the fear and pain out into the black cloth covering his chest. He didn't know how long they stayed like that. He didn't let go until she was completely done. He turned on the shower and let the water run till it got hot. He grabbed clothes from her room and handed them to her.  
  
"As soon as you're ready we'll call Buffy, okay?" She nodded her head and closed the door. Spike went to his own room and sat down heavily on the bed. He ran his hands through his gel-stiff hair and when he brought them away he realized they were covered in blood. Oh God. What did he look like? As soon as he heard the water go off in her shower he jumped in his own to wash off the evidence of what he had done. Five minutes and he was clean and dressed again. He threw his ruined clothes in a trash bag to burn later. When he got back to the living room Dawn was sitting curled on the couch in sweatpants and one of his T-shirts. She had wrapped her wrists with bandages at least and was now starring straight ahead lost in another place.  
  
"Are you ready?" She looked up startled and saw that he had cleaned up. She hadn't had the presence of mind to tell him he was covered in blood. Luckily he'd noticed before Buffy came over. She didn't want to have to explain that too. She nodded her head and Spike went to the phone. It was well past midnight but he knew they'd all still be there.  
  
The phone rang only once before it was answered.  
  
"Hello? Spike? Is it you?" Buffy was nearly breathless from the dash to the phone and the worry over her sister.  
  
"Yeah, it's me pet. I found her. Look, she's here with me at my place and she's in a bit of a state. You can come over but leave the Scoobies behind. She can't deal with all of them right now." Buffy's heart froze. In a state? What the hell had happened to her? And secondly, Spike was inviting her to his home? Now she really was freaked out.  
  
"What's the address? I'll make excuses and be right over." Spike gave her the information and Buffy was surprised to realize he lived not far from them. She remembered the apartment owner making a deal with Spike about living there. She hung up the phone and sighed heavily. Dawn was safe. She was with Spike and she was safe. Now she had to tell her friends who had been waiting with her all night that she had to go alone. This was going to be fun.  
  
Spike hung up the phone on his end and went back into the den. He saw that Dawn was shaking again so he grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around her, rubbing her arms to create heat.  
  
"You're safe now, bit. Nobody can hurt you here. Not ever again if I have anything to say about it. You wrap up and I'll make you something hot to drink, okay?" She simply nodded as he stood up and went in the kitchen.  
  
He found himself once again hands braced against the counter wondering how he had gotten to this point. Couldn't they ever just have a normal life? Well, normal for Buffy and Dawn. He in and of himself was abnormal so that was a big NO for him but why not for them? He grabbed a mug and put a teabag in before pouring the steaming water over it. He carried it to the silent girl and had to form her hands around it. Dawn was not okay. And he was at a loss as to what to do about it. Hopefully Buffy could help when she got here. Almost as if thinking about her conjured her up he heard a knock at the door.  
  
He checked the peephole just to be sure and then let her in. She stood there for a few seconds just taking everything in before she actually entered the room. She was surprised at how nice it was. Although he'd been in process of making the crypt "posh" before she'd blown it up so she shouldn't be surprised at all. Her eyes took in the room and fell on her sister sitting on the couch.  
  
"Dawnie!" She ran over and took her sister in her arms. She rocked her back and forth until she realized Dawn wasn't returning her embrace. She pulled back and swallowed the lump in her throat. Dawn was just starring blankly at some point on Buffy's shirt.  
  
"Dawnie? Can you hear me? Dawnie, talk to me. Spike, what happened?" she asked looking over her shoulder. She turned back around and looked her little sister over. It was then that she noticed the bruising and the cuts. She gasped when she finally pushed Dawn's hair back and saw her face.  
  
"Oh my God. Oh my God." That's all she could say. The words of comfort she tried to pull from deep within just wouldn't come. She could only stare in horror at what had been done. Suddenly she felt Spike's hand on her shoulder. She looked up and almost choked at the look of concern and sympathy in his clear blue eyes. He bent down and touched Dawn's leg. Her eyes focused in on his face.  
  
"Hey sweet bit. Why don't we get you tucked in, okay?" Dawn nodded her head and let Spike help her to her feet. He tried to steer her into her room but she resisted.  
  
"Your bed." He sighed and gave in. He tucked her in, pulling the sheet up to her chin. He leaned over and kissed her softly on the cheek.  
  
"If you need me I'll be in the den." She closed her eyes and snuggled deeper into the covers. Spike left the bathroom light on so she wouldn't wake in darkness and went back to join Buffy.  
  
She was sitting with her head in her hands and he could tell she was crying. Her shoulders shook gently. She lifted a tear-stained face when Spike sat down beside her.  
  
"What happened?" Spike took an unnecessary breath and told her briefly what he had found, leaving out the part about ripping the guy's throat out.  
  
"We have to call the police. They have to know what happened. He could do this to some other poor girl."  
  
"Buffy, you call the police and Dawn's picture and story are gonna be all over the news. She doesn't need that. I can assure you this guy will never touch another girl ever." She stared at him for a few moments and looked away.  
  
"Okay. I trust you." He was surprised to hear her say that out loud. Of course there was no one to hear it besides him so she was safe in saying it.  
  
"You've done so good with her Spike. She loves you so much. You're all she talks about besides school and boys. You've done a lot better than I ever could." Spike sighed at the note of self-pity in her voice. Once again it was left up to him to make it all better for her. He took a fortifying breath and started in.  
  
"Buffy that's not true. All I've got is her. It's easier for me to give her lots of time and attention cause I don't have a job or any other responsibilities. You have work and Willow and Xander and you're the Slayer. You have to protect the whole damn world. Dawn knows that. Yes, it hurts her that you don't have time for her but she knows why. She understands what you have to do. And I don't mind. I like taking care of her. I need to take care of her." Buffy could see the loneliness in that last remark.  
  
In his whole existence, even pre-vampire, Spike had always had someone to care for. First it was his mother and sister, then Drusilla, then her, and now Dawn. There was just something in him that needed to do it. It had surprised her when she'd seen how he'd taken care of Drusilla. Most vamps would have never been so gentle with a mate. Because she was weak, most would have left her behind or destroyed her. Buffy thought back on all the times she had called him evil, disgusting or told him he was not a man. She was thoroughly ashamed of herself. And even if it didn't matter anymore, she had to tell him she was sorry.  
  
"Spike, I know that I've been a complete bitch to you and I know I don't deserve the slightest kindness, but.I'm sorry for all the horrible things I've said to you. You're not disgusting. You're not a pig. You're not evil, at least not anymore. I never meant them even when I was saying it. I was so angry with myself. I was angry at Willow and all of them and instead of telling them I took it out on you and that wasn't fair. You were only ever kind to me. You listened to my whining and you let me take out my frustrations on you and all you got for it was hurt. I'm so sorry. I don't expect you to forgive me or to ever forget it but just know that I am truly sorry." She reached out and laid a hand on his forearm. He jumped a little at her touch.  
  
He couldn't believe she had just apologized. He was completely shocked actually. He couldn't remember being speechless very many times in his life but this time was definitely one of those times.  
  
Buffy stood suddenly and walked to the kitchen. She picked up the phone and called her house. Willow answered. Spike could hear her telling them that she had seen Dawn and everything was okay. She didn't give any details about what had happened. After reassuring them for the fifth time she hung up. She looked so tired.  
  
"Why don't you sack out in my room with Dawn. I'll take the couch." She smiled slightly and disappeared down hall.  
  
It was nearly three am and Spike usually didn't go to sleep till around seven but he was completely knackered. He flopped down on the couch and pulled the discarded blanket over him and was asleep in less than a minute.  
  
Buffy's voice woke him around eight am. She was calling the school to let them know that Dawn was very ill and wouldn't be able to make it. Luckily it was Friday so she'd only miss one day if she were to pull it all together by Monday. Somehow Spike doubted it. Once she was off the phone she came over to him and knelt beside the couch.  
  
"Hey," she whispered. Her breath caressing his face made him shiver. No matter how badly she'd treated him he was still affected by her, still in love with her.  
  
"I have to go home and get ready for work. I've got the early shift so I should be out by five or so. I'll just come here. She's sleeping. No nightmares, yet." She had been victim to enough of them to know that they would surface eventually.  
  
"Do you need me to get anything before I come home?" Spike went rigid. God, how long had he wanted to hear her say that to him. Buffy, Dawn and him together making a home. And this was all a farce. She was only here because her sister was in trouble. Only here because Dawn didn't want to go to her actual home. She didn't love him, would probably never love him. He'd never have a home with her. He cleared his suddenly clogged throat.  
  
"No, we're fine. I have stuff for Niblet to eat and I've got plenty of blood for myself." She had noticed his rigid posture but couldn't fathom what she'd said to bring it on. Maybe it was because she was so close to him physically. She moved away and towards the door.  
  
"Okay then, well I'll be back as soon as I can and if you need me just call the store. I'll come straight home if I have to." She waved goodbye and finally left. Spike tried to push his morose thoughts aside and fell back to sleep.  
  
TBC 


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 6  
  
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks there is nothing left. S/D friendship. Takes place after "As You Were" and is AU after that.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: Okay I don't own Spike or anybody else in this story but does anybody know if James is owned?  
  
Author's Note: Wow, if I keep updating this quickly I'm going to spoil you guys. Thanks so much for all the great reviews. This story could go on for years if I don't figure out where it's going. But we'll all go there together!  
  
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Spike wasn't sure of the time when he felt something heavy crawling over him. He figured it couldn't have been long since Buffy had left for work. He opened his eyes slightly and saw the top of Dawn's head as she snuggled in next to him on the couch nearly sending him to the floor. She had a queen size bed to sleep in and here she was crowding him off the narrow couch. Women. He slipped an arm around her thin shoulders and went back to sleep.  
  
The next time he woke up he knew it was late afternoon. That internal vamp clock thing. He looked down and saw Dawn was still sleeping. As gently as possible, he extricated himself from the tangle of limbs and made his way to the shower. That helped wipe the rest of the sleepiness from his body. He nearly let loose a girlish shriek when he opened the bathroom door to find Dawn standing directly in front of it.  
  
"You weren't there when I woke up." Spike sighed and gave her a comforting hug.  
  
"I'm right here, pet. I'm not gonna leave you alone. Why don't you get a shower and I'll look at those cuts on your wrists for you." She nodded and left the room. Spike shook his head at her strange actions and got dressed. He went into the kitchen to fix breakfast, even though it was going on four o'clock. Dawn emerged to scrambled eggs and bacon with a tall glass of orange juice waiting on the counter. She slipped onto the bar stool and waited patiently till Spike was done putting everything onto a plate for her. Spike drank his mug of blood while he watched her pick at the food before her. He grabbed some bandages and ointment out of her bathroom while she pretended to eat and re-wrapped the abrasions on her wrists.  
  
At five thirty he and Dawn were cuddled up on the couch watching TV when Buffy knocked at the door. Spike answered and watched as his former lover tried to talk to her sister. Dawn wasn't very responsive and of course Buffy just pushed and pushed. She really needed to learn when to just let it go. Finally tired of Buffy's frustration, Spike intervened.  
  
"Hey Niblet, how about calling the pizza guy and getting us some supper." Dawn nodded and disappeared into the kitchen. Buffy just sat there rubbing her temples.  
  
"What am I doing wrong? Why won't she talk to me? I didn't do this to her. She just zones out and then the minute you open your mouth she perks up." Spike couldn't help but roll his eyes at her "pity me" tone of voice but he knew she was seriously concerned.  
  
"Buffy, you have to let her adjust. She's just been through something traumatic and she's trying to process it all."  
  
"Yeah? Well then how come it all seems okay when you're around? Huh? Tell me that Freud." She was angry now. It was her sister dammit. She should be the one that Dawn turned to when she was hurting, not a chipped vampire.  
  
"Buffy, can't you see it? I saved her life. I was there. I'm not trying to be cruel in saying this but you weren't there. Somehow I think she's got it in her head that you didn't try." He held up one hand when Buffy opened her mouth to retort.  
  
"I'm not saying it's true, but she's construed it that way, pet. If I were you, I would explain what you were doing to help and then see what happens. She needs time Buffy. Why don't you two have a little chat and I'll go for a walk. Need some more smokes anyway." Buffy finally agreed and when Dawn came into the room Spike was putting on his duster. Dawn nearly panicked. She ran over to the door and stood in front of it.  
  
"Where are you going?" Spike just looked stunned at her frantic behavior.  
  
"Bit, I'm just going down to the store for some cigarettes. I'll be back in like twenty minutes." She lowered her arms, which had been gripping the sides of the doorframe.  
  
"Oh. Can I go with you?" Spike threw up his hands.  
  
"Niblet, it's twenty minutes. Besides, big sis is here so nothing's gonna happen. She needs to have chat with you, ok." Dawn looked around him to her sister sitting on the couch with an expectant eagerness. She sighed and moved away from the entrance.  
  
"Ok. But if you're gone longer I'm coming to look for you." Spike smiled and left the apartment. It was still a little light outside so he kept to the shadows thrown by the trees. He made it to the store and got what he needed in about five minutes but he didn't want to hurry back. He sat outside and smoked until he figured they had had enough time to talk stuff through. Besides, the pizza was probably there and he was hungry.  
  
When he entered the apartment, he noticed two things. First, Buffy was gone. He couldn't feel her. Second, Dawn was under the kitchen table. Bonus was that the pizza had in fact arrived. Spike shrugged off his coat and jumped right in.  
  
"Ok, what happened?" She was sitting with her hands wrapped around her knees rocking back and forth.  
  
"She left me. Left me alone and by myself. I hate her. I hate her. I hate."  
  
"Yeah, I got it pigeon, she's the bloody devil. Why'd she leave?"  
  
"We got in a fight."  
  
"A fight?" God, it was like pulling teeth with this one.  
  
"Yeah. And I said I wished she were dead." Spike let his eyes fall closed at the pain those words brought to his own heart.  
  
"Niblet, you shouldn't have said that." He whispered.  
  
"I know. I didn't mean it. I was so angry. I'm so tired Spike. So tired of tiptoeing around. 'Don't make Buffy upset. Don't make her angry. Don't want her want to jump off tall buildings or slit her wrists.' I just want it to be okay again. I just want to be okay." She started to cry at that. Spike moved a chair and crawled under the table with her. He wrapped strong arms around her and let her cry. He understood. He was ready for Buffy to be okay again too. But it wasn't going to happen on it's own. They needed help. After he'd gotten Dawn calmed down and settled on the couch with some pizza he went in his room to use the phone so he wouldn't be heard. He dialed a number he never thought he'd have to use.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hey Rupert."  
  
"Spike, is that you? What's wrong? What's going on? Is Buffy all right?" Spike couldn't help but smile. Some things would never change.  
  
"No, she's not. She's got serious psychological problems and they're starting to rub off on everybody else, especially Dawn. She needs help Giles. Isn't there anyone you can call? A counselor that would understand what she is and help her suss all this out?" He could almost hear Giles cleaning his glasses.  
  
"Sort all this out? You mean defeating a hell god, jumping off a tower to save her sister's life, being dead for four months, and then being brought back to life by her powerful Wicca friend? Oh, yes I'll call that person immediately." The sarcasm wasn't hard to miss.  
  
"Look, Rupes. If someone doesn't lend a listening ear the Slayer is gonna implode. She's not okay. She doesn't have any money, she can't relate to Dawn and her friends are sucking what little life she has in her, out."  
  
"If you understand all of this so well why don't you help her?"  
  
"I would. I tried. Things went.not so good." Giles didn't make him expound on that. He heard a long-suffering sigh on the other end of the line. Minutes passed but Spike had time and this was something he didn't want to rush.  
  
"There may be someone. She's a friend. But she lives in Virginia. I don't know if she would be able to take time away from her practice to come to Sunnydale but I will ask her. But Spike, that's not even the hardest part. Getting Buffy to go will be the most difficult task. You have to make her see that there is no other way."  
  
"You get this chit out here and I'll take care of the rest." He assured the watcher and hung up. He sat on the bed for several minutes just trying to muddle through his crazy un-life. How he'd ever wound up here he would never know.  
  
By Monday Dawn had not gone home at all. That morning she dressed for school, which surprised Spike to no end. She'd become less clingy as the weekend went on, even allowing Spike to shower without standing guard outside the door. He could tell she was a little nervous so he drove her to the school in his Desoto. He parked about a block away so no one would notice her getting out of a car with blacked out windows. She just sat there gripping her hands and starring at the window. Spike reached over and took one of her cold, shaking hands in his.  
  
"Dawn, you'll be fine. I'll stay right here until you get inside. This afternoon you just give me a call and I'll pick you up right here, okay?" She smiled brightly and reached across the seat to kiss his cheek. She was out of the car and hurrying toward the building before he could blink. Sometimes he would swear she had a little Slayer in her. Now, to deal with problem number two.  
  
He drove the well-known way to Buffy's house and pulled up in the drive. Taking a deep breath he made a dash for the shelter of the front porch. He was billowing smoke by the time he got there. God, what he did for these women. He banged on the door until a sleepy Willow opened it. Her eyes widened comically when she saw the steaming vampire standing on the porch.  
  
"Mind moving aside so I don't go poof, Red?"  
  
"Oh, sorry," she quickly stepped back and let him run past her. He grabbed the sides of his coat and fanned his burning body. When he was finally satisfied that he wasn't going to burst into flames he turned his attention to the grinning witch.  
  
"Yeah very funny, pet. Is Buffy here?"  
  
"She's asleep. Late night slaying I guess. Want some coffee?" Spike looked up surprised.  
  
"Uh, sure. That'd be great." He followed the red head into the kitchen and took a seat at the island. Willow busied herself getting two mugs and filling them with the fresh coffee she had just brewed. She sat the sugar and cream in front of him and handed him the hot liquid. This was too weird even for him.  
  
"So what's up, Red? What's with the being nice to me? You ok?" She actually blushed. It was adorable. He'd always had a little thing for Red. Back in the day she'd been all arms and legs and stutters. So sweet and innocent. But then Buffy had come to take up more and more of his thoughts and Willow had announced her penchant for girls.  
  
"Can't I just be nice?" He raised one eyebrow at her and she sighed.  
  
"Okay. Giles called. He told me all about your little chat with him the other night. We all want to help, Spike. I know this is my fault and I want to fix it, not by magic though I promise," she quickly added.  
  
"Whatever you need us to do, we'll do it." She vowed. Spike curled his chilled hands around the hot mug. They could have all helped by leaving the Slayer in the bloody ground. Too late for all that though. The goal now was to keep her out of it.  
  
"Yeah, well be ready to bind and gag her cause she' s not gonna like it. Getting the Slayer to open up about her feelings is like trying to pry open a rock." Willow just nodded her agreement. It was sad really. When she had first met Buffy she'd been so open with her emotions and thoughts. As time went by though, and more happened to her, she had closed herself off. If she didn't get too close it wouldn't hurt as much.  
  
"Maybe it'll be easier than we think. Maybe she's ready to talk to someone who can actually help."  
  
"Maybe, Red. Anyway, Giles hasn't called me back so I don't even know if she's coming." He reminded the hopeful girl.  
  
"I know. But she has to. Something has to give and I sure don't want it to be Buffy's sanity." Spike couldn't have agreed more. He told Red he was going upstairs to get more of Dawn's clothes and was a little surprised when she didn't launch into a tirade about Dawn living with him and not at home.  
  
He was packing a duffel bag when he felt Buffy's presence behind him. He didn't turn around, giving her the opportunity to leave without a confrontation if that's what she wanted. Instead, she moved further into the room and sat on the bed beside the bag.  
  
"She's not coming home, huh?" She seemed very sad this morning. She was still in her pajamas and it looked like she'd just crawled out of bed.  
  
"I haven't asked her. Just kind of waiting for her to tell me, you know?" He was asking for her permission in a way. She nodded slowly.  
  
"I don't blame her. I wouldn't want to live here either." Oh, boy. It was one of 'those' days. Spike put the bag on the floor and sat on the bed next to her. He didn't try to touch her but sat close enough so that he could feel the heat of her. That was one of the things he missed most about her. When she was with him and he was above her and inside of her it was a heat unlike anything he'd ever known. After they had sex, he had absorbed so much of her body heat that he could almost believe he was human again. And then she would leave and it would slowly seep away again reminding him that he was nothing but a dead thing. Not that she didn't remind him of that often.  
  
"Buffy." he didn't exactly know how to say what he was about to say. "What do you want?" She looked over at him startled.  
  
"What do you mean?" She already had a defensive tone to her voice.  
  
"What do you want to do? Do you want to stay at that hell-hole you call work? Do you want Dawn to live with me? Do you want to carry your friends for the rest of their lives? What do you want?" He was asking now because she was vulnerable. He might actually get a straight answer. Her posture went from rigid to slumped.  
  
"I don't get an option." Now he was getting angry.  
  
"Yes, you do. Everyone does. I don't care if you're the bloody Slayer or not. Everyone has a choice about their life. If you want a different job then get one. If you want Dawn home then just tell her. If you want Willow and Xander to take a hike just yell at them." She smiled at that one. Not a full-blown Buffy smile but it was something.  
  
"If it was only that easy." Spike wanted to scream.  
  
"It is, pet. Just do it. You've got to decide to live again. No one can do it for you. You've got to change things. I know you feel dead inside but believe me you're not. You're alive, Buffy. Yeah, so you were in Heaven. Bloody hooray! So you've got something to look forward to that some of us don't. If anything that should make you happy instead of suicidal." She gave him the patented "eye" at that statement.  
  
"What time is work today?" He asked.  
  
"I'm off today."  
  
"Great. Grab the paper off the table downstairs and start looking. I'll bring Dawn around tonight for a visit. Willow and Xander I can't help you with, pet. You're on your own with them." She actually chuckled. Maybe he could help her after all. He grabbed the bag off the floor and headed downstairs. He slipped out the front door so he wouldn't have to talk to Willow again.  
  
He went home and slept until time to pick up Dawn at school. As promised, he was there when she came out. She waved bye to her friends and hurried over.  
  
"Hey," she said breathlessly as she climbed into the car and pulled the heavy door shut before the sun could singe him.  
  
"Hey, pet. Have a smashing day did you?" She smiled brightly and started in on everything that had happened. The bruises on her face were almost nonexistent now. Spike had meant to bring that up to Buffy also but he'd forgotten while giving the little pep talk. Dawn was displaying an amazing amount of Slayer-like qualities lately and he wondered if Buffy had noticed.  
  
"Where are we going?" She asked when they passed the apartment.  
  
"We're having dinner at your sister's. She's cooking." He knew what was coming.  
  
"Do we have to? I really don't want to go. I don't want to talk to her."  
  
"Dawn, she's your sister. She'll always be your sister and she's the only family you have left. Don't shut her out. Believe me, you'll regret it if you do." She didn't say anything else.  
  
They pulled up to the house and after they got inside Spike was glad to find out it was just the three of them. She hadn't made it into a Scooby intervention for Dawn. They decided to eat in the kitchen instead of being so formal and eating in the dining room. Dawn was quiet but she wasn't belligerent so that was something. She answered all of Buffy's questions and Buffy didn't bring up the living arrangements. They were like two strangers dancing around each other afraid to step on the other ones toes. Spike pushed the spaghetti around on his plate and just listened.  
  
"So, I have an interview in the morning." That got his attention.  
  
"You do?" He and Dawn asked in unison.  
  
"Yup. At Sunnydale First National. It's a teller position and the pay isn't great but it's more than the Palace and I'd work 8-5 Monday through Friday so I'd have more time to spend at home." She didn't say 'with Dawn' but they both knew that's what she meant. Dawn actually seemed excited.  
  
"So, no more burger barn?" Buffy laughed.  
  
"Well, it's just an interview but I do hope I get it. At least I won't come home smelling like a dead animal." Spike grunted his agreement. Dawn became much more animated after that but when it came time for Spike to leave she got up to get her coat. He could see the defeat in Buffy's eyes. He could only shrug.  
  
He walked over to her until he was standing directly in front of her where Dawn couldn't hear and then said, "Call me in about thirty minutes. I've got some stuff I need to ask you about Dawn."  
  
"What's wrong with her?"  
  
"Nothing. I just need to ask you some stuff, okay?" He said quietly.  
  
"Okay," she agreed. Her smell hit him suddenly. Warm vanilla filled his senses and he felt lightheaded. She was so close. He could see the flecks of gold in her hazel eyes. She was looking up at him as if caught in the same trance. Her hand moved up slowly and came to rest over his heart. Her touch made him shiver. Her eyes had gone dark with desire now and she stepped even closer to him.  
  
"Buffy." he warned. A throat being cleared behind them made them jump apart. Buffy looked away guiltily.  
  
"Sorry," she whispered softly. Spike grabbed his coat and left the house quickly. Dawn had to run to keep up with him. He didn't speak all the way home.  
  
TBC 


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 7  
  
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks there is nothing left. S/D friendship. Takes place after "As You Were" and is AU after that.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: Still don't own them.  
  
Author's Note: Again, thanks for the great reviews. After the crummy day I've had, it heals the soul.  
  
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Dawn stole sideways glances at Spike on the way home from the dinner at her sister's house. Funny that she thought of it as Buffy's and not hers. Kind of like Spike. She could see the muscle twitching in his jaw and his cheekbones were even more defined as he clenched his jaw. God, Buffy was an idiot. She sighed and looked away.  
  
Whatever was going on with them, she didn't want to know. If they had been together then it must be over. And it must have been bad for Spike to completely cut her out of his life. And knowing her sister, it was probably her fault. She wondered how Spike dealt with the anger now. Before the chip he would have gone out and killed a bunch of people to make him feel better, but now? She knew he hadn't killed anyone since he found out the chip didn't work anymore. Well, except for that guy whom she refused to think about at any time.  
  
Buffy didn't realize how strong Spike's character really was. He went against his very nature to take care of her and to love the Slayer. He had to war with the demon constantly to avoid chaos and bloodshed. It must be a terrible way to have to live, that thing clawing around inside of him all the time whispering to him to kill, kill, kill.  
  
She reached over hesitantly and loosened one of his hands from the steering wheel. She placed a quick kiss on the back of it and held it tightly in her own smaller one. She refused to look up at him. She didn't want to see the pain reflected there or the wish that she was her sister sitting here instead of his Little Bit. He didn't pull away and held her hand all the way to the apartment.  
  
She followed him up the steps and into the apartment. He didn't cut any lights on and went straight for the alcohol. She fell back against the door shutting it and just leaning there for a moment. He came back into the living room and flopped down on the couch. He was hurting so badly and she didn't know what to do for him. She was only fifteen and she'd never been in love. She'd never experienced passion and she didn't know what if felt like to have your heart shattered into a million pieces. But his pain was hers and she wanted to stop it.  
  
She moved away from the door and went to sit beside him on the couch. He hadn't taken the first sip yet. He just sat there starring blankly at the dark screen of the television.  
  
"Spike?" He looked up as if startled to find her there.  
  
"Yeah, pigeon?" She wondered sometimes why he never used her real name.  
  
"Spike, I don't know what's going on with you and Buffy. I mean I can sort of guess what happened and I'm sure she screwed it up royally. Spike, no matter what she ever says to you, don't believe the bad stuff. You are.you are wonderful." She blushed a little and turned her eyes to the floor. It would be easier to get this out if she didn't have to see those sad, blue eyes.  
  
"You love her so much and do so much that she doesn't even see. You take care of me and even the Scoobies that you hate. You turned your world upside down to make her happy, I'm sure of it and she just keeps..." she was so angry she couldn't even think of what to say. Tears were welling up slowly but she fought for control. She swallowed hard and chanced looking him in the eye.  
  
"You're a good man, Spike. Better than any she's ever known. Well except maybe Giles." Spike gave a short bark of laughter. He pulled her into a tight hug. So tight that she could barely breathe.  
  
"Oh, Dawn, you are.you are sun that doesn't burn me, sweet. You are the only light in my life that I need." He choked on the words and just held onto her. He couldn't help but wish it were Buffy saying these healing words to him. How was it that Dawn knew him so well and loved and trusted him so much and Buffy wouldn't give him a drop of water if he were on fire?  
  
He knew how hard it had been for her to say these things to him. She was a fifteen-year-old girl with a big crush on him but she had stepped over that to tell him what was in her heart. Her maturity had to stem from Joyce. That or technically being like a thousand years old.  
  
He let her go and she shuffled away from him quickly.  
  
"Well, I guess I better get to bed. School tomorrow and all. Are you gonna drive me again?"  
  
"Yeah, bit. I'll take you every day till you graduate if you ask me." She smiled softly and got up to get ready for bed. There was no phone call from Buffy and the alcohol remained untouched.  
  
The next week passed quickly. Buffy called to let Dawn know she got the job at the bank. She was being very distant to Spike because of what had almost happened in the kitchen. He was at the point of not caring. She was set to start the following Monday. She didn't force Dawn to come home but she did visit and she called every day.  
  
Spike and Dawn painted her room and she even dragged him to Bed, Bath and Beyond on Friday night to buy stuff to decorate. She made him wear 'normal' clothes so he would blend in. Three girls hit on him. He was extremely uncomfortable but Dawn of course thought it was hilarious. After she had everything she needed they headed to a quick supper and a movie. Dawn was having the time of her life.  
  
She'd never had so many jealous glares directed at her in her whole life. It made her feel so special to be on the arm of such a good-looking guy who saw no one but her. The movie was horrible but they had a blast critiquing it to the point that they were finally 'shushed' by several people.  
  
They got home late and there was a message from Buffy that she wanted to spend Saturday with Dawn. Amidst a lot of whining and groaning, Spike convinced her it was a good idea. He promised her that when she got home they could finish up the room.  
  
Saturday morning Spike was in the bed when Buffy arrived to get Dawn. A timid knock on the door woke him up. At his grunt, Dawn peeked her head inside the door.  
  
"Hey, we're leaving now. I'll be home around eight or so. It's gonna be a long day from the itinerary she just read me. She has to get nice stuff for work." He waved bye half-heartedly and then the house fell blessedly quiet.  
  
And he could not sleep. He'd gotten so used to Dawn being there and the familiar noises she made that he couldn't sleep without hearing them. Ugh. He flung the covers off and checked the time. It was only 9:00 a.m. What the hell was he supposed to do all day till his bit got home? He was stuck in this blasted apartment till the sun set. He could try to make it to the tunnel access but going to a bar this early was too much even for him. Maybe he'd go check on Clem. He hadn't seen him since the fated birthday party.  
  
And of course, the wrinkly demon was sleeping. Spike didn't even bother to wake him up. Man, was he bored. Well, there was only one thing left to do. He'd go to the mall and stalk the Summer's sisters.  
  
The tunnel access came out at the service entrance to the hardware store in the mall. He raced to the door and made it safely inside. Maybe while he was here he could nick some new music. Dawn wasn't there for him to be a bad influence on and he didn't want to lose his touch.  
  
He was flipping through CDs when he heard the familiar high-pitched squeal. He was hit from the side by a hyper teenager.  
  
"Spike! What are you doing here? I thought you were sleeping!" She was so excited he thought she would burst. He looked over Dawn's head, which he wasn't going to be able to do for much longer if she kept growing, and saw the dark look on Buffy's face.  
  
"Just browsing, sweet bit. Couldn't sleep. It was too quiet." She smiled up at him and suddenly it didn't matter that Buffy was angry with him for showing up.  
  
"So, whatcha gettin?" She looked down at the CD he had clutched in his hand. It was by some band she'd never heard of but she feigned interest just to piss her sister off.  
  
"Look, Dawn, I'm not here to interrupt sister bonding time. I couldn't sleep so I went to see Clem but lucky for him he 'can' sleep so I came here. You guys just continue on as if I weren't here." He heard the unladylike snort from Buffy. Dawn rolled her eyes at her sister.  
  
"You could come with us?" He saw Buffy's mouth open to immediately deny that request but he beat her to it.  
  
"No, that's okay. I'm not up on the latest business fashion, platelet." Dawn face fell instantly. God, he spoiled her.  
  
"How bout I meet up with you guys for lunch around 1:00 at the food court, okay?" That brightened her up. She agreed, as did Buffy begrudgingly. He followed them out of the music store and at a distance. They talked every now and then but it wasn't like it used to be. At least Dawn used to get on Buffy's nerves. That was something. This was just sad. He had to call Giles again tonight.  
  
He met up with them at one as promised and Dawn launched into an explanation of their entire day. She looked relieved to have him there. She had relaxed visibly when he sat down at their table. Buffy stared morosely at her hamburger and refused to look at him. He ignored her.  
  
After forty-five minutes of the two of them going on like they hadn't seen each other in years, Buffy interrupted.  
  
"Come on, Dawnie. I need to hit a few more places before we see the movie." They looked up as if they had completely forgotten she was there.  
  
"Oh, right, okay." Dawn cleaned up her mess as Buffy got her bags. That left her and Spike alone for a few moments. They shuffled nervously around each other not knowing what to say. Spike finally felt foolish and said something.  
  
"I'm sorry I ruined your day, pet. I really didn't mean for her to see me." Buffy sighed and let herself relax. She was being ridiculous.  
  
"It's okay. She saw you from like a mile away and made a beeline. I had hoped today might...help, you know?" He smiled sympathetically. He didn't really know how she felt because he and Dawn had never had a problem relating to each other.  
  
Again they fell silent. Buffy huffed and finally brought up what they had both been avoiding.  
  
"I'm sorry about the.um.kitchen..thing." She blushed and looked down at her feet.  
  
"Buffy.."  
  
"No, it was my fault. I said it was over but when you get so close.." Again with the blushing. Dawn chose that moment to come bounding back over to them.  
  
"Hey, I'm ready." She could feel the tension. And the little tick in Spike's jaw was back. She looked back and forth between the two of them and watched them do their best to avoid the other one's eyes. God, they were such children sometimes.  
  
"Come on, Buffy. The movie starts in like ten minutes." Buffy looked as if she could have hugged her for saving her from the awkwardness of the moment. They grabbed their bags and after Dawn's brief good-bye to Spike they left him standing there.  
  
Spike forgot all about nicking new music and headed for the bar.  
  
TBC 


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 8  
  
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks there is nothing left. S/D friendship. Takes place after "As You Were" and is AU after that.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: Still don't own them.  
  
Author's Note: Sorry for the oddness of this chapter. I needed an outlet and this is it. Zendska, this chapter is for you.  
  
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Dawn let herself into the apartment around 8:30 pm and was surprised to find it dark inside. She knew she had told Spike when she'd been home so where was he? She checked the whole place before she started to worry. On a whim, she went to the heavy curtains covering the window in the den and looked out into the courtyard.  
  
Sure enough, there he was. She left the apartment and made her way to the fence that led into the gardens. She stopped for a moment her hands wrapped around the peeling wrought iron and just watched him. There was no light here except for the moon. The floodlight must have blown. She swallowed hard at the picture he made. If she were an artist she would capture him like this.  
  
He sat on the rim of the circular fountain trailing his fingertips in the warm water. His coat was gone. His skin glowed a soft silver in the light and his hair appeared white. He looked the part of the tortured lover. A blond Heathcliff pining for his Catherine. She wished she knew his thoughts; knew what he thought of her and even her sister. She took a fortifying breath and pushed the creaky gate open.  
  
He didn't look up. She walked quietly to the wicker chair a few feet away and sat down. She didn't want to disturb him but she wanted him to know she was there if he wanted to talk. She could smell the alcohol on him. He must have gone to the bar when he left the mall. It was the first time she'd seen him drunk since she'd started living with him.  
  
His low, softly accented voice drifted to her suddenly.  
  
"She walks in beauty, like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies, and all that's best of dark and light meet in her aspect and her eyes." Dawn's breath caught in her chest. She forgot that he used to be a poet. He had told her of his life before he was turned. He always presented such a tough guy front that it was easy to let it flow from one's memory. More than once she'd caught him with a book of poetry in hand.  
  
"I'm sorry she hurt you, Spike." God, she was so tired of apologizing for her sister. He turned those intense eyes on her and she felt the heat crawling up into her face.  
  
"I wasn't talking about, Buffy." Okay, now she was wigged. Just how drunk was he?  
  
"Oh." Wow, she was eloquent tonight. She looked away and wrung her hands nervously in her lap.  
  
"You've been drinking." She stated it as if trying to remind him of who she was, or maybe wasn't in this case.  
  
"Not nearly enough, pigeon. Not nearly enough." He turned back to gazing at the water. Dawn breathed a sigh of relief that his eyes were off her again. How Buffy could resist those eyes she'd never know.  
  
"What's wrong, Spike? I thought you were over the binge drinking because of her?" He laughed harshly and slapped at the water causing it to splash all over the sidewalk.  
  
"Yeah, well there's always something to get smashed over, luv. Pick a reason." Oh brother. She was used to 'pity me Buffy' but 'pity me Spike' was a whole new animal.  
  
He never let her see him like this; his defenses down and his emotions laid bare. He was beautiful like this. But she didn't know him like this. She sighed heavily and stood to leave. She didn't know how to help him like this. Spike reached out a hand to her and with a little hesitance she finally took it. It was cool as usual and covered in tiny droplets of water. He pulled her until she was standing between his parted thighs.  
  
Gulp, was the only thing going through her head. He was holding both of her hands now and studying her face. She couldn't look away, not even if she had wanted to, which she did very much. She was only fifteen for crying out loud. She couldn't be expected to handle intense moments like this with finesse.  
  
"Spike, what are you doing?" She wished she could have stopped the tremor in her voice.  
  
"Just lookin', pet" he whispered softly.  
  
"And what do you see?" What? Where had that come from? Was she insane? That was a can or worms she did not want to open. She could see his devilish grin in the silver light.  
  
She nearly jumped out of her skin when he raised one hand and laid it palm flat against her cheek. She knew her face was red and blessed the darkness.  
  
"I see..a beautiful girl who will be an even more beautiful woman. I see someone who looks past others faults to see what they could be, not what they are. I see someone who knows me better than I know myself sometimes. I see someone who tries so hard to take my pain away." He ran the pad of his thumb over her full bottom lip and she shivered.  
  
"I see a girl who loves with her whole heart whether that person deserves it or not." She was caught in the web he was spinning. She was starring at him; her mouth slightly open because breathing had suddenly become difficult. He thought she was beautiful? She couldn't see the blue in his gaze anymore. They were black as coal now. And then she realized he was going to kiss her. Oh, boy. Second kiss, another vampire.  
  
He raised his other hand to gently cup her face and pulled her down to him. She could smell the sweet smell of alcohol on his breath and wondered if he'd remember doing this tomorrow. His cool mouth covered hers and she had to bite back a moan. Wow. Definitely never felt anything like this before. Her whole body felt like it was melting and combusting at the same time.  
  
Her hands came up to grip his bare arms as he assaulted her senses. He pulled back slightly and chuckled at the dazed look on her face. God, she was so sweet. Her mouth tasted like strawberries. Just a little more. He leaned towards her again and urged her mouth open with his tongue. The kiss that had started out innocent suddenly turned into something else all together. Spike's hands slipped up into Dawn's thick, dark hair as he slanted his mouth over her's and deepened the already riotous kiss. Again and again he tasted her until he thought he'd die from the bliss of it.  
  
Suddenly, as if someone had punched him in the gut, he realized what he was doing and with whom. He dragged his mouth from hers, panting. Her lips were swollen and she was clutching his arms in a vice grip.  
  
"God, baby, I'm.."  
  
"Don't you dare say you're sorry or you're gonna find your ass in the fountain." She warned. Spike laughed out loud. He dropped his hands from her hair to her hips.  
  
"Bit, give me a few more years of your sister rejecting me and I'll say to hell with Buffy and come after you."  
  
"Promise?" she asked saucily.  
  
"Promise." She hugged him tightly around the neck and turned to head back up to the apartment.  
  
Spike watched her walk away and waited till she'd disappeared around the corner before turning and dunking his head into the fountain. His body was rigid and he felt like he was burning up from the inside out.  
  
"This is Dawn, you git. Get a hold of yourself." He shook the water droplets from his hair and forced his libido under control. He had to forget this had ever happened. He had to not look at her and remember the feel of her skin under his hands or the brush of lip-gloss covered lips against his own. His name was shit if Buffy ever found out. He had to get this shrink out here now and get Dawn back in Buffy's house and out of constant proximity to him.  
  
Running shaking hands through his soaking hair, Spike adjusted his mussed clothing and headed up the steps after the girl who had just turned his world completely upside down.  
  
God, his unlife got more complicated with every passing decade.  
  
TBC 


	9. Chapter 9

Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 9  
  
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks there is nothing left. S/D friendship. Takes place after "As You Were" and is AU after that.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: Still don't own them.  
  
Author's Note: And away we go!  
  
************************************  
  
Spike awoke to a twingy headache and guilt the size of Texas. What the hell had he been thinking? He'd made out with Buffy's little sister. Ugh. He'd been drunk. Yeah, that was it. He'd been drunk and lonely and hadn't even realized it was Dawn. Now if he could only convince himself of that he could actually get out of bed and face her. He pulled the sheet over his head and groaned.  
  
When he'd come back in the apartment, the door to Dawn's room was closed so he figured he'd leave it alone for the night. He'd gone to his own room even though it wasn't time to sleep for him and lay there listening for sounds from the next room.  
  
He heard drawers opening and the closet several time. He finally heard the creak of the bed as she climbed into it and that's as far as he let his mind wander. He grabbed his portable CD player and headphones and blared music into his skull to force out any unwanted images. That could have contributed to the headache he had now. He felt like complete shit.  
  
He glanced at the glowing red numbers on the digital clock and saw that it was around 1:00 in the afternoon. He hadn't slept very long. He listened for any noise from outside his door but there was none. Finally realizing he couldn't put if off any longer he got up and after a shower, peeked his head out of the door.  
  
Silence. He shuffled out into the hallway and stopped at the entrance to her room. The door was cracked so he pushed it open. The bed was unmade and there were a few clothes strewn over it. Her scent was everywhere. He shook his head briskly to clear it.  
  
He walked slowly towards the den and then he saw her. She was sitting on the couch with her long legs curled under her, her chocolate hair pulled up in a scrunchy at the back of her head. She looked..completely innocent. The lump of guilt got bigger. Eventually there would be only that standing here and nothing of him.  
  
"Spike, you're freaking me out. Stop it." Her voice made him jump. She looked up and laughed at the complete embarrassment on his face. She had been afraid of this. She hadn't slept all night wondering how he would react to her the morning after. Not good from the look of it. She had determined that is was a fluke. There was no way Spike was attracted to her and it had just been a surreal night.  
  
He'd been drinking and he'd just had a 'thing' with her sister at the mall. She refused to ruin what they had by making an issue out of one mind- numbing kiss. She would do what Buffy was so good at; she'd pretend it never happened.  
  
"I'm waiting on pancakes, so get crackin'," she ordered sternly. Spike visibly relaxed and nodded. Okay, he could play the 'it never happened' game too. She was letting him off the hook. Somehow that made him mad. She was giving him an out and he was angry about it. God, he was off his bird.  
  
She got her pancakes though. They spent the afternoon in comfortable silence, both reading on the couch. It was just another lazy Sunday. Buffy called around 3:00 to talk to Dawn and she could tell something was up. Dawn sounded different. She'd ask later when they were actually able to act like sisters again.  
  
Around 6:00, Spike was bored. The sun was low enough so he pulled Dawn out of the house and onto the motorcycle. They raced up the coast and finally stopped at a secluded section of beach. Dawn turned into a fifteen-year- old again and ran squealing to the sand where she quickly divested herself of shoes and dug her toes into the warmth. Spike found a rock and sat down to watch. She raced to the surf and laughed aloud as the cool water rushed around her ankles.  
  
Yeah, this had been a great idea. Bring her to a private beach at night. That won't give her any ideas. Oh, well. Maybe she'd think it was all in friendship. It was, right? Or maybe she wouldn't think about it at all. She'd acted normal around him all day. He was pulled out of his reverie when Dawn yelled at him to join her.  
  
He pulled off his heavy Doc Martens and laid his leather coat over the rock. The last vestiges of heat from the sun-warmed sand seeped into his pale feet. He met her at the water's edge and cried out when she reached down and fanned a wave of water right into his unsuspecting face.  
  
"You asked for it, bit. Just remember that." With two hands, larger than hers, he cupped water and launched it at her. She moved so fast it actually made him step back. The water sailed right past her.  
  
"How'd you do that?" She looked confused.  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"Move like that. Nobody moves that fast except vamps and your sister." She shrugged casually.  
  
"I've just got quick reflexes, that's all." He stood with hands on hips with his head cocked to the side. He wasn't buying it.  
  
"You've noticed it to, haven't you?" He knew the answer by her evasiveness. She turned and started walking down the beach and away from him. He was beside her in a second.  
  
"Dawn.." She turned on him suddenly.  
  
"Don't do this. Don't try to make me into her cause I'm not! I'm just me. Just plain, little unextraordinary me."  
  
"What? Dawn, you couldn't be plain or unextraordinary if you tried." She shook her head.  
  
"I'm not her." Spike felt his chest constrict at her broken tone. He put a finger under her chin and lifted her face. Unshed tears shown brightly in the light thrown by the moon.  
  
"I know that." He stated harshly stepping closer.  
  
"No, you don't. Every day I'm with you you're wishing it was her. Every time we do something together you want to be doing it with her. I'm just a stand in. And it was okay before cause I liked hanging out with you and I didn't mind being what you couldn't have with her. But after last night..I swore I was gonna let it go. I was just gonna forget it ever happened. But I can't stomach the fact that while you were kissing me you were wishing it was her." She sobbed softly.  
  
"I can't be her stand in for that, Spike. It would break my heart." He felt like a complete wretch. He took a deep breath and pulled her into a tight hug. He rocked her gently back and forth, stroking her long, dark hair.  
  
"If you never believe anything else I ever say, believe this. I knew who I was with last night, Dawn. I knew what I was doing and whom I was doing it with. My eyes were wide open on that one, luv. And I have never kissed her the way I kissed you. It was never that slow or that sweet." He could feel the heat in her face.  
  
"When I'm with you, pet, it's the only time I can forget about her and what she did to me. I don't wish you were her, Dawn. When I'm with you, it's you I want to be with. Truth is, I wish Buffy were more like you." She lifted her tear-stained face and gave him a watery smile.  
  
"Really?" She asked hopefully.  
  
"Yeah, really. I wish she were as open and loving as you are. I wish she would make things simple like you do. Everything has to be so complicated with her. She can't just let it go and enjoy herself. She has to put everything in a box and heaven forbid one of the boxes turns over or gets mixed up with another box."  
  
"You're losing me, Spike." He laughed and held her at arms length.  
  
"If Buffy and I never work things out and all I ever get out of knowing her is you then I win." He said softly. She was beaming.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"You're welcome. Now for payback." And with that he picked her up, strode out into the surf and dropped her in the water.  
  
TBC 


	10. Chapter 10

Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 10  
  
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks there is nothing left. S/D friendship. Takes place after "As You Were" and is AU after that.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: Buffy and all her minions belong to Joss Whedon. But I can lust after Spike all I want. Joss can't sue me for that!  
  
Author's Note: Can you believe that my UPN station usurped Buffy with an ACC basketball game! What the heck! I called UPN the next day and was not kind to the poor lady that answered the phone. They showed the episode this past Saturday so I was once again in control of my anger. Thanks for all the great reviews!  
  
************************************************  
  
They got home late that night. They were both soaking wet and covered in sand. They came in the door laughing and shoving each other and were met by an irate Englishman. They both froze. Dawn finally found her voice in the circle of Spike's arms.  
  
"Giles?" The livid man removed his glasses and began polishing them furiously.  
  
"Do you know what time it is?" Dawn quickly extricated herself from the soggy embrace and stepped forward. Spike shut the door and came to stand beside her. He held up his bare wrist.  
  
"No watch, Watcher." Giles replaced his glasses and scowled at the sarcastic vampire.  
  
"Dawn, don't you have school tomorrow?" Dawn was now getting angry. How dare he waltz in here and try to make it look like Spike didn't know how to take care of her. He'd been doing fine without any of them for weeks now. Maybe he ought to go turn that scowl on her sister.  
  
"Actually, no. It's a teacher work day tomorrow otherwise Spike would have enforced bedtime two hours ago." Spike nearly choked.  
  
"Dawn, I need to talk to Spike alone if you don't mind. I'll take you home when we're done." The two sand covered people in the room looked at each other and back to the Watcher.  
  
"Um, I am home." That threw him.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I live here now. I have my own room and everything. Want to see?" Again with the glasses.  
  
"And what does Buffy have to say about all of this?" Spike saw Dawn set her shoulders and pitied the poor man.  
  
"I really don't care what Buffy has to say about much of anything. It's my choice and I choose to live where someone remembers to feed me and get me back and forth to school safely and actually gives a damn that I'm alive." Giles was more than a little taken aback by the venom in her tone. Evidently something major had happened that he had not been informed about.  
  
He sighed and put his glasses on once more. He rubbed at his temples trying to push the nagging pain in his head away. Spike came to his rescue.  
  
"You can have first dibs on the hot water, sweet bit. Me and Rupes will catch up and then you and him can talk." She nodded and reached for his hand.  
  
"Thanks for today." Spike smiled and squeezed it. She walked past Giles without another word and disappeared into the bathroom. Once they heard the door close Giles started in.  
  
"What the hell is going on?" Spike ignored him for the moment and walked into the kitchen. He poured water in the teakettle and sat it on the stove. He opened an unused box of tea and got out two bags.  
  
"Oh, thank God. I've been craving the stuff since I left Bath." Spike turned and leaned back against the counter crossing his arms over his chest.  
  
"It's like I told you on the phone, Buffy's not exactly super mom. In fact she's not even super big sis right now. She's not coping to well with the whole resurrection thing and it's starting to affect all of us." While the water heated he brought Giles up to speed on what had happened to Dawn a few weeks ago. Giles didn't ask what happened to the man. He had no clue Spike's chip didn't work. Spike didn't really know what he assumed had happened to the guy.  
  
The kettle started to whistle and Spike got everything ready. Giles looked so tired and almost defeated. Spike actually felt kind of sorry for him. Almost.  
  
"So, Rupert. What about this counselor chit? She coming out to give Buffy's brain the once over?" Giles assumed a position similar to Spike and took a small sip of the too hot tea.  
  
"Yes, she's agreed to come out and see her. She'll be here Friday. She wants three full days with Buffy. An intensive counseling session. She feels that with what I've told her of Buffy that would be best. Once we have her there we don't want to give her the option of leaving." Spike completely understood that. If the woman could actually get Buffy to open up then she better keep her talking.  
  
They moved back into the living room and took up positions at opposite ends of the couch. Dawn came out dressed in sweatpants and a tank top. Her hair hung wet down her back. She flopped down next to Spike and leaned over till her head was resting on his chest. Giles raised an eyebrow but said nothing.  
  
"Want some tea, bit?" She shook her head and looked towards Giles.  
  
"So, Giles, how did you get in here?"  
  
"Yeah, Watcher. Did you go Ripper on my door lock?"  
  
"No, you prat. The landlord let me in. I told him I was a relative." Spike refused to think about how stupid that made his landlord.  
  
"Ok, so one question down. Why are you here?" Giles looked to Spike and he shrugged.  
  
"I have someone coming to help Buffy."  
  
"Help her how? Clean up the house, pay our bills, what kind of help?" She said with some frustration.  
  
"No, I have a friend who is a counselor. She's coming to talk to Buffy. Hopefully to help her resolve some of these issues she has about what's happened to her."  
  
"Ok, that's two. I think that's actually all I had. I'm going to bed, Spike. Giles, it's great to see you but I'm knackered." Giles gave Spike a look at her use of his slang.  
  
"Yes, it's good to be back. Have a pleasant sleep." She pushed off Spike's chest and stood up.  
  
"Night, pet." Once she was gone an uncomfortable silence fell between the two men.  
  
"She seems to be doing well after what happened to her."  
  
"Yeah, she seems to handle trauma a lot better than..well it doesn't matter. She's doing great."  
  
"I must say I'm shocked. You've done quite well with her." Spike looked down at his half empty mug. He couldn't look the Watcher in the face at that comment. If he only knew.  
  
"Don't know why you're so surprised. I took care of Dru for over a hundred years. It's something I'm actually qualified for."  
  
"That was a little different. Drusilla wasn't an impressionable teenager."  
  
"No, she was insane. Dawn's a lot easier. Don't have to fear waking up to her pouring holy water over me just to see the pretty patterns it makes." Giles flinched.  
  
"Point taken. Spike, have you had a chance to talk with Buffy? Does she know about any of this?" Spike leaned forward and placed the cup on the coffee table and folded his hands in front on him.  
  
"We're not exactly on speaking terms as of right now, mate. So the answer to your question is no, she doesn't know anything about this. And I'm not sure how she's gonna react when you show up at her door, Watcher. She's still pretty pissed at you."  
  
"I'm well aware of that, Spike. However, her health and happiness are more important to me than her anger. I think it would be best if the three of us," he gestured towards Dawn's room, "were to meet her on a united front."  
  
"You mean an intervention."  
  
"Yes, precisely. I think if she knew how concerned we all are about her she would be more likely to at least speak to Julia." Spike assumed that was the counselor.  
  
"Well, we could give it a try I guess. I don't think Xander and Willow should be there though. Well, maybe Willow but Xander will just sulk about the fact that I'm included. Besides, he and the witch have enough problems of their own. You might want to invite Glinda though. She and Buffy seem pretty close lately."  
  
Giles looked puzzled. "Glinda?"  
  
"Yeah, you know. Willow's ex."  
  
"Oh, Tara. Good Lord, Spike don't you ever use anyone's real name?" Spike just smirked at him.  
  
"Anyway, perhaps tomorrow we can go over and confront her." Spike was already negating that idea with a shake of his head.  
  
"Nope. Her first day at her new job is tomorrow. Think we should at least let her have the emotional break down after she's had a little time to settle in there."  
  
"Buffy has a new job?" He seemed sad that he was so out of the loop of their lives. But it had been his choice. He's the one that left.  
  
"Yeah, she's working at a bank in town. Wanted better hours so she could start working things out with the bit."  
  
"Ah, I see. Well that's something then, isn't it?" Spike nodded. Let the man have his little spark of hope.  
  
"All right, then we wait a little. How about Wednesday?"  
  
"When are you gonna let her know you're back in town, Rupert? If she finds out you've been here for three days and haven't tried to see her you can forget telling her anything."  
  
"Yes, yes of course you're right. I'll go over tomorrow evening and see how things look. It's good to know she at least cares enough to get out of the squalor she was working in."  
  
"Um, actually that was my idea." Giles sighed again and threw up his hands.  
  
"I give up." Spike chuckled.  
  
"Not yet, Rupes. You've got a ways to go before you're allowed to throw in the towel. Maybe you'd better call it a night." Giles agreed.  
  
"I'm staying at a hotel in town. I'll come over in the morning and take Dawn to breakfast if you don't mind. I'd like a chance to talk with her about Buffy."  
  
"Fine by me, Watcher. Just be prepared for the bitterness. Don't let it get to you. She loves her sister she's just a little tired of walking on eggshells around her. She wants her life back to normal. Or as normal as it can be with a Slayer for a sister and a vampire as a best friend." He grinned. Giles actually did laugh a little at that.  
  
After Giles left, Spike walked the grounds for any wandering vamps or demons. He usually patrolled at least once a night to keep the landlord happy and the resident's safe. The night was pretty quiet. He wound up back inside watching television until he fell asleep.  
  
Giles had the good sense to wait until around 10:00 to come for Dawn. She actually seemed pretty excited to be going with him. Spike lay on the couch listening to the sound of her getting ready. He couldn't help but wish a little that Buffy would just let him keep Dawn. He knew it probably wasn't the best idea with what had happened between them in the garden but the thought of her not being here with him left a gaping hole in his chest. He was a selfish bastard, he knew it and in this case, he didn't care.  
  
With a quick kiss to his cheek she was out the door when Giles knocked. He rubbed the spot that still tingled from the feel of her lips. Maybe, if things did work out and Buffy got better, he should leave town for a while. Space from both Summer's sisters might be for the best thing for all of them.  
  
TBC 


	11. Chapter 11

Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 11  
  
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks there is nothing left. S/D friendship. Takes place after "As You Were" and is AU after that.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: Joss could sue me but all he'd get is my Season 1,2 and 3 of Buffy on DVD and Season 5, 6 and 7 on tape! And he owns all of that!  
  
Author's Note: No new Buffy this week makes me sad. I'm a sad, sad person. But I'll write a new chapter anyway.  
  
*********************************************  
  
Giles watched as Dawn inhaled the large breakfast she'd ordered at the small café he had taken her to. He'd only ordered a cup of coffee. He hoped he had enough cash on him to pay for all that. When she was finally done, she sat back and gave him a big smile.  
  
"Thanks, Giles, that was great. Not as good as Spike makes but still." She shrugged.  
  
"How is that going?" He noticed her immediate change in demeanor. She picked up her fork and started playing around with the yoke left on her plate by the eggs.  
  
"It's great. He takes care of me and we do fun stuff together." She actually blushed when she said it. God, he was going to know something was up if she didn't get her act together. Giles cleared his throat.  
  
"What kind of fun stuff?" She looked up quickly and saw the disapproval creeping into his eyes.  
  
"Nothing bad so you can stop the lecture you're forming in your head right now. He takes me to movies and out to eat and last night he took me to the beach. But most of the time we just hang out at his place and watch TV or talk. Spike's a great listener and he tells the best stories."  
  
"I'm sure he does." Giles muttered mostly to himself. Dawn put the fork down and leaned closer, folding her arms on the table in front of her.  
  
"He saved me Giles. Not just from...well I'm sure he told you about it, but he saved me from more than that. I was honestly beginning to think that nobody here cared about me. Half the time, no one even noticed I was gone. Worse, they barely noticed I was there. Except for Tara. But after she and Willow broke up she wasn't in the house to look out for me anymore. And I know I'm old enough to take care of myself with the basics but my God, Giles, everybody wants attention and at least a little affection from the people who are supposed to love them."  
  
"I wasn't asking for Buffy to take Mom's place but she wasn't even concerned. She would pull out the 'what I say goes' card once in a while if I got in trouble but that's about it. She can't just ignore me 99% of the time and then yell at me the other 1% and expect me to do what she says and not have something to say about it. I'm not trying to make her life difficult. That's why I left. It makes things easier for her and Spike actually likes taking care of me. He cares about me and does the whole gig, not just the yelling." She had crossed her arms in front of her now and without her knowledge had adopted a defensive position.  
  
Giles sighed heavily. How could life become this difficult? How could this girl, who as of a year and half ago didn't even exist, be expected to deal with all of this? It was too much to put on such small shoulders.  
  
Secretly, he was grateful to Spike. If not for him, Dawn may have hurt herself, or worse. He shuddered to even think about it. He didn't know if he could ever bring himself to thank the vampire aloud and when all of this was said and done he hoped Spike wasn't the one left heart broken.  
  
After their breakfast, Giles took Dawn back to the apartment. It was quiet when they entered and Dawn shushed him, indicating that Spike was still sleeping on the couch. She showed him her newly redone room and he found himself once again surprised at Spike's depth of feeling and sensitivity towards this girl.  
  
There appeared to be no reason for it. In all actuality he should hate Dawn. She was the sister of his mortal enemy. Of course, Spike had never been normal and he had fallen in love with said enemy against the rules of both good and evil.  
  
But his love for Buffy could be construed by some as obsession while his love for Dawn could only be seen as the real thing. He loved her against all logic. Even knowing he had no chance with the Slayer, he had befriended this girl. Oh, well. Trying to muddle through Spike's motives would be like wading through mud so Giles let it go.  
  
He walked back into the den to see Dawn cover Spike with a blanket and tuck it snugly around him. Her hand lingered at his face and he watched as she brushed a stray curl away his forehead as he slept. Oh, dear. Her face said it all. She was in love with Spike.  
  
"Oh, dear lord, not again." He whispered to himself. This could only end with somebody getting emotionally scarred for life. Dawn heard him enter the room and she quickly pulled her hand away.  
  
"Hey, Giles." She said to brightly.  
  
"Dawn, we need to talk. There's a garden just outside. Let's go." He moved to the door and Dawn followed with a wounded puppy dog look on her face. He was a little confused at her hesitance when they reached the gate to go in. She finally moved and walked quickly to the chair near the fountain and sat with her hands folded demurely in her lap. She was the picture of innocence and that's what bothered him the most.  
  
"Dawn.." He didn't even know where to start.  
  
"I know what you're gonna say, Giles and I already get it, okay? It's just a crush. I'm fifteen for God's sake. I know better than to believe I could ever have a serious relationship with a century old vampire." He would have almost believed her except for the tears that were welling up in her blue eyes. But she didn't stop there.  
  
"He's in love with Buffy. I'm just a kid to him. He would never act on any feelings he might hypothetically have for me." That brought him up short.  
  
"Act? Dawn, what did he do?" She nearly panicked.  
  
"Nothing! He would never..I can't even believe you would suggest...I mean, he would never!"  
  
"Yes, you said that already. What did he do, Dawn?" He used his stern Watcher voice that usually worked on Buffy but he saw Dawn's chin go up and realized Dawn was nothing like her sister.  
  
"He didn't do anything. This is all one sided. Spike loves Buffy." Giles slumped against the fountain and removed his glasses, rubbing the bridge of his nose with two fingers. He didn't know if she was trying to convince him or herself. He was so out of his depth here. He'd never been able to help Buffy with her relationship with Angel because he hadn't understood it. Now was no different. What he did know was that this could not end well. Dawn was in love with Spike who was in love with Buffy. He could only feel pity for her. And the saddest part was, it wasn't just a crush. He wasn't too old or out of the loop to see that.  
  
He walked and knelt in front of her taking her hands in his.  
  
"Dawn, I don't care how old you are, getting involved with Spike would never be a good life choice. He's a demon and without the chip.."  
  
"Ahhh! Stop it! God, I'm sick to death of everyone trying to remind me what he is. I live with him for crying out loud! I know what he is! And the thing is, none of you know him at all!" She yelled jumping up and nearly knocking him over.  
  
"Spike is a vampire. Great! Big news flash! I know that. But what all of you don't realize is that he's so much more than that. He loves poetry and cries at 'Steel Magnolias' and he likes Lucky Charms and he keeps a journal and most of all, something he would never admit, is that he regrets, Giles. He regrets. Vampires aren't supposed to feel remorse for their actions, but he does. So you can take all your musty old Watcher journals and shove 'em because I know him." Her face was red and she was breathing rapidly from anger. She was also towering over him and he realized he had backed up and was know sitting on his butt with his back to the cold cement of the fountain.  
  
He had actually felt fear for a moment there. In reality, they knew what Dawn was but not what she was capable of. He had never seen her so furious.  
  
"Okay, okay, Dawn. Calm down. I didn't mean to upset you. Perhaps you're right about him. There is always the possibility that the Council is wrong. We have seen that in the past. And there is always an exception to every rule; even vampires." Her breathing slowed and she sat down hard in the chair behind her.  
  
Giles stood slowly brushing dirt and dried leaves from his pants. He straightened his clothes and adjusted his crooked glasses. This talk was supposed to have been helpful but instead it had opened his eyes. Spike caused extreme emotion in the people's lives he touched. Whether it was hate or love, those he knew felt an immense amount of it for him.  
  
"My point is not even that he is a vampire, Dawn, my point is that he is a hundred odd years older than you and vastly more experienced in..well, everything. I'm only trying to keep you from getting hurt. I was unable to help Buffy when she was going through a similar situation and look how that turned out. So, I am trying to prevent this one from the beginning. Be his friend. I will not warn you away from that, but let it stop there. For your sake, do not pursue any thoughts or fantasies of a relationship with Spike. It can only end in misery."  
  
Above them, Spike shut the window and let the curtain fall back into place.  
  
************************************  
  
Giles did not try to influence Dawn any further. He feared he had struck out on the point and had to hope that she would figure things out on her own without too much pain in the process. His biggest fear was that the love she freely gave Spike would cause the vampire to eventually fall in love with her too. Why did life have to be so damn complicated?  
  
Dawn should be going to slumber parties and giggling over boys with her school chums, not pining after a creature almost two hundred years old. Oh, for a perfect world where evil did not exist. Oh, right. Buffy had already been to that place and from all appearances was trying her hardest to get back there as quickly as possible.  
  
He left Spike's flat and headed towards Buffy's house. He would wait there for her. **********************************  
  
Buffy was exhausted. She'd been on her feet for over eight hours and had three people telling her how to do twenty new things. Her brain couldn't hold any more information. The bad thing was, they expected her to come in the next morning prepared to do all of the things they had supposedly taught her today.  
  
She was walking to her front door with her head down searching her purse for the keys when she saw feet come into view. She looked up slowly and her mouth fell open.  
  
"Giles?" He smiled hopefully opening his arms for her to rush into them but that's not what happened. She just stood there starring at him in disbelief.  
  
He dropped his arms and slid his hands into his pockets. He had been imagining his home coming many times and in most of the scenarios this is how it went. Buffy not speaking to him and simply walking past him as if she didn't even know him. She didn't do that now.  
  
"What are doing here? Is the world ending again?" He couldn't help but smile a little at that.  
  
"No, no. I'm not here to foretell the end of the world yet again. I just came to visit and see how you were doing." Okay, from the look of death she was giving him he figured he had phrased that wrong.  
  
"See how I'm doing? You're kidding right? You flew halfway around the world to get away from me and my problems that I kept burdening you with and now you tell me you just dropped by to see how I'm doing? Don't take this the wrong way Giles, but go to hell." She did walk past him at that point and in her anger could barely fit the key in the lock. She finally got the door open and didn't slam it in his face as he thought she would. She might hate him but that was a sure sign she wanted someone to talk to even if it was him.  
  
He followed her in and closed the door. The house had changed a little since he'd been gone. There was some furniture missing and magical knick- knacks of Willow's were conspicuously absent. He waited in the den while Buffy decided when she wanted to let him off the hook and acknowledge his presence. They both knew it was childish but he let her have this ability to try and make him feel uncomfortable.  
  
She finally came in wearing a t-shirt and cutoff shorts and curled up in the armchair opposite the couch.  
  
"How was your flight?" He was a little surprised she cared but he would play along and see how far she would let him pry.  
  
"Very long and very boring." She simply nodded as if she could think of nothing else to say or ask. He decided to go with the ignorant approach and pretend he hadn't already seen Dawn and talked to Spike.  
  
"Where is Dawn?" Buffy looked around the room and feigned looking around the corner towards the kitchen.  
  
"Not here obviously." He could already tell this was going to be difficult. She was trying to make him lose his patience and he was closer to doing it than he wanted to admit.  
  
"Do you know where she is?"  
  
"Got a pretty good idea." She began to closely examine her fingernails. Definitely time for a manicure. She finally let out an exasperated breath.  
  
"Giles cut the crap, okay. You know she lives with Spike now. I know you've probably talked to all of them about me behind my back to see if I'm falling apart without you here. Well, congratulations, I'm a total basket case. I can't take care of my sister, I can't help my best friend with her magic addiction or the break up with her girlfriend, I can't be Xander's hero anymore, and I had sex with Spike to make myself feel 'better' so my life is pretty much shit." Now it was Giles sitting there like a fish with his mouth hanging open.  
  
"You did what?" he whispered with disbelief.  
  
"Which part, Giles? Oh, that's right. The only part that concerns the Watcher is the fact that I gave it up to another vampire." All that was going through Giles' mind was that Dawn would be crushed. Did she even know?  
  
"What on earth possessed you to do such a thing?"  
  
"Giles let me tell you a little secret." She leaned towards him as if to take him into some sort of confidence.  
  
"Most of the time, I feel completely numb. But those are on the good days. On the bad days, I feel nothing at all. I feel completely empty inside and just for a little while, Spike made me feel something besides dead. And then I took it and twisted it and beat the hell out of him and then in probably the bitchiest moment of my life, I broke up with him. So don't go all warrior protector on me and swear to stake him for me. If you want to protect somebody, maybe you better start protecting them from me."  
  
What frightened him was that she was spilling this to him with dry eyes. Not one tear was being shed over what she had just revealed to him. She meant it as fact. He realized in that moment that he never should have left her alone. She had been too fragile and so confused. He had abandoned her when she needed him the most and this was the result of it. He had failed her as a friend and as a Watcher. He swore to make it right. If anything could be salvaged, he would work till he was dead to do so.  
  
"Do you love him?" Her eyes went wide in surprise.  
  
"I just told you how I treated him and you want to know if I love him? Would you treat someone like that if you loved them?" It was if she were asking him to tell her the answer. "He was there and he listened. He offered me friendship and expected nothing more. Every time something happened between us, I initiated it."  
  
"When did it start?"  
  
"Xander's dancing demon." Giles rolled his eyes.  
  
"Oh, good lord." He stood and started pacing the length of the living room from the front door to the fireplace and back again.  
  
"That's the first time I kissed him. Progressed pretty quickly from that point. I figured I'd gone that far, may as well have the whole package." Giles gave her an annoyed look.  
  
"No pun intended." She ducked her head and blushed.  
  
"And what were your intentions when you started this torrid little affair?"  
  
"God, Giles, you sound like a romance novel. I had no intentions. My thoughts were pretty much 'wow, I feel something'. Lots of wow." Her eyes glazed over as is she was reliving those moments and Giles cleared his throat loudly to bring her back to the present.  
  
"And in the midst of all this feeling something did you once stop to think what Spike thought all this meant?"  
  
"You're defending Spike? I can't believe this. You can't stand him and you're defending him. You're a peach, Giles."  
  
"I am not defending him." At Buffy's 'yeah right' look he back peddled.  
  
"Well, not in the strictest sense. As a man, I identify with his plight. If the woman I loved suddenly returned my advances I would think she had strong feelings for me as well, or at the very least liked me a little. Did he never question it?"  
  
"Of course he questioned it! He's second only to you with the questions! I just ran away before I actually had to answer him. Because for the life of me Giles, I had no answers. I don't know what I expected of him. I guess I just thought he'd always be there when I needed to use him and he'd just take what I could give him. And the sad thing is, if I hadn't broken up with him, I think he would have."  
  
Giles hung his head at the pity he felt for the vampire. He could barely comprehend his Slayer treating anyone like that, even a demon. Kill the poor bastard, but don't use him and throw him away like an unwanted toy.  
  
"Maybe it's for the best Riley came back married. At least it made Spike realize I'm incapable of loving anybody. It forced him to get his life back. He's doing fine, Giles. He' s doing great actually. If I had stayed with him..I don't know what he would have done. I don't know what we would have done to each other. We couldn't go on like we were."  
  
"Riley's married?" Buffy threw up her hands. Out of everything she'd just said that was what he wanted to know about. Giles waved his arms about as if trying to erase his last question.  
  
"Buffy, I know you've been through a great deal and no one can understand or even imagine what it must be like for you, but that is no excuse to behave as you have to Spike." Buffy stood and stomped towards him till she was in his face.  
  
"Oh, no. Uh-uh. You don't get to walk in here and lecture me Giles. You left. You didn't want to be here anymore with me and my issues. You wanted me making my own decisions. Well I made some. And they sucked, but you don't get to come here and judge me about it. You gave up that right the minute you sat your ass on that plane to England."  
  
"I don't care what you think about me anymore. I don't give a damn. You didn't even think enough of me to stay when I begged. I knew I'd screw it up and I did. I've had you telling me what to do for six years and then you just decide that you don't want to anymore. I didn't even get a say. I never get a say. My whole life, other people have been deciding what I'm gonna do and then you wonder why I can't make decisions for myself? I've had somebody doing it for me since I was fifteen, that's why!" By the time she finished her tirade she was yelling.  
  
Then she burst into tears and wrapped her arms around his middle. He stood there for several seconds not returning her embrace. He was a little confused. Eventually, he put his arms around her and held her tightly to him. This was the least he could do for her.  
  
TBC 


	12. Chapter 12

Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 12  
  
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks there is nothing left. S/D friendship. Takes place after "As You Were" and is AU after that.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: Still don't own it.  
  
Author's Note: I don't know what the heck happened with this story. I swear it took on a life of it's own. I just write what it tells me. Even I don't know how this is going to end. It looks like someone is going to end up very unhappy no matter what I do. Oh, well. Such is life. Enjoy!  
  
***************************************  
  
Dawn entered the apartment quietly thinking Spike would still be sleeping. She squealed a little when she turned around and he was standing directly behind her. She placed a hand over her racing heart.  
  
"Geez, Spike, you scared the crap out of me." She went to walk around him but he stepped in front of her. She huffed and placed her hands on her hips.  
  
"What?" She asked irritated.  
  
"I heard what you told the Watcher." Her hands dropped to her sides and her face paled.  
  
"Um, okay. And?" She was trying to gauge where he was going with this. His face was unreadable.  
  
"Do you really believe all the shit you handed him?"  
  
"I wasn't aware I handed him any. I told him the truth." She said harshly.  
  
"The hell you did."  
  
"What do you want from me Spike? Do you want me to want you knowing I can't have you? Is that what you want? Well, sorry but I'd prefer to not spend every day pining after something that doesn't belong to me." Spike flinched at her words and let her walk past him. She didn't stop at the couch but continued to her room. The soft click of her door signaled that the conversation was over.  
  
****************************  
  
Buffy finally stopped crying enough for Giles to pull back slightly and find her gaze with his. She wouldn't meet his eyes. She pulled away and disappeared for a few minutes to clean up. Giles thought is best to tell her about Julia now instead of waiting for Wednesday. He could only hope she would find it encouraging and not an implication that they all thought she was nuts.  
  
She came back with her face scrubbed clean and took her place in the chair once again. Giles sat on the edge of the couch with his arms propped on his knees.  
  
"Buffy, I want to help you. I know I did the wrong thing in leaving you here but you must believe I thought I was doing the right thing at the time. I feel greatly responsible for all that's happened and I know I can't make up for any of it but I can try to better the future." Buffy nodded slowly still unable to look at him.  
  
"I have a friend. Her name is Julia. She's a counselor. She has agreed to come out and speak with you. I think she could be a great help. She also counsels demons and such so she knows who you are. I told her a little about you but nothing intrusive. That's up to you. She really wants to speak with you. She's coming out on Friday. Will you talk with her?" Buffy finally looked up at him and he was overwhelmed at the pain in her eyes.  
  
"Do you think she can help me get better? Can she make me feel normal again?"  
  
"I don't know Buffy but isn't it at least worth a try?"  
  
She sat for a few moments saying nothing, just thinking it over.  
  
"Ok. I'll talk to her." Giles wanted to shout for joy but he refrained. Any show of extreme emotion and she would think he needed the counseling.  
  
"Good. Good. I'll call her and let her know. Buffy, I'm very proud of you for this. I feared you'd be resistant but you made a healthy decision in doing this." She nodded as if trying to convince herself of that fact as well.  
  
********************************  
  
Spike was going crazy. Dawn had been locked in her room for over 2 hours without so much as a peep. He had knocked once to ask her if she was hungry and all he'd gotten was a soft 'no'. His hair was a mess from continuously running his hands through it and he was actually tired from pacing in front of her closed door. He wound up in the floor slumped against the wall opposite her door.  
  
He jumped when he heard the lock turn and the door open. Dawn was surprised to see him sitting in the hallway. He pushed himself to his feet and looked at her expectantly.  
  
Dawn's heart couldn't help but melt a little at the picture he made. His hair was a riot of blond curls and his eyes, in them she could see that his every hope rested on the words that would come out of her mouth. It made her feel extremely powerful to know that her opinion could affect him in such a way. She knew he felt something for her. But she also knew that there could never be anything between them until he made up his mind about her sister. She wasn't going to be second prize to anyone.  
  
"Don't suppose we could just forget that you kissed me, huh? Just write it off as an error in judgment?" At the immediate look of anger on his face, she guessed not.  
  
"It wasn't a mistake, Dawn."  
  
"Wasn't it?"  
  
"No." He stated firmly.  
  
"Then what was it? Does this mean you don't love Buffy anymore and you want me now? Does this mean you're willing to quit chasing after her and be satisfied with a little girl instead of a woman? I don't know how to have a relationship with you Spike. I don't know anything about being in love with a man. Now a crush on a cute guy? I got you covered there but a real, honest to God, relationship? I don't have a clue. Is that really what you want? To blunder around trying to teach me how to be...intimate with you? To actually want to try and get serious with someone so young? You'd be bored of me in a week, Spike."  
  
She was trying so hard not to cry. Her heart was screaming at her telling her to stop trying to talk him out of it but her head was congratulating her on being so mature.  
  
Before she knew what happened, Spike had her pressed against the wall, his hands placed one on each side of her head trapping her.  
  
"First of all, who said I'd blunder?" His breath was soft on her face and his voice was so low she could barely hear him. His nearness was making her knees turn to water and she knew he could hear her heart beating wildly in her chest.  
  
"Secondly, I've known you for a year and a half, technically, and you haven't managed to bore me yet. Quite the contrary. You fascinate me. You may look like a young girl Dawn but your soul is older than I am." How did he know her so well? She'd always felt as if she was stuck in a body that belied her age. And somehow, he knew that. Sometimes, when she was dozing, right before sleep took her, she would have flashes of languages or places that this body had never known. She knew they had to be experiences of the energy that lay under the surface of her skin.  
  
"Yeah? Well this is what people see. This is what they would see when you're with me. An older brother taking his cute kid sis out for dinner. How sweet." She said sarcastically.  
  
"You think I care what people think? You told the Watcher yourself that you know me. I'm a vampire, Dawn. I don't give a damn what people think."  
  
"And what would we do, Spike? You sit home everyday while I finish high school and then you follow me to college? You can't want that. With Buffy you had excitement and she was powerful and beautiful and she knew..stuff that I don't." She couldn't bring herself to say anything about sex in front of him.  
  
He hung his head, his hair tickling her nose he was so close.  
  
"God, Dawn, I don't know what I want. I can't say I don't still feel something for your sister. I think the kitchen episode the other day proved that. The demon in me craves the violence she promises. But the man in me fears the pain being with her brings." He raised his head until he was eye level with her.  
  
"But what I feel for you..it's more pure than anything I've ever felt for anyone in my existence. You get me and I get you. That rarely ever happens in life, bit. You understand me; you know me. You see straight through me, luv. I need that, Dawn. Whether or not we do anything about the physical attraction between us, I need you in my life. I can wait for the other stuff. I have forever." Silent tears tracked their way down her face and Spike reached in to catch them with his lips. She shuddered at the caress and leaned towards him to capture his mouth with hers.  
  
She couldn't believe she was initiating this. She just hoped she was getting it right. She took small, hesitant sips of him until he urged her mouth open to deepen the kiss. Again, she felt like she would pool into a puddle at his feet. If this is how he made Buffy feel then her sister was a fool for letting him go. Her hands came up to rest on the hard muscles of his stomach and she wanted so badly to pull him closer. She could feel him quiver under her fingertips.  
  
She just wanted this moment. Just one more time before they had to pretend there was nothing there and they were forced to continue on as usual. Because she knew that's what he'd choose to do. There was no way she could compete with the Slayer. The yin to his yang. The opposite side of himself. It was the perfect story. Evil vampire falls in love with good Slayer. Both beautiful and powerful they come together to fight the good fight until the Slayer is killed and then the vampire ends his own tragic life because his love is gone.  
  
But for this instant, he was hers. She brought her arms up and wrapped them around his neck, pressing herself against him. He moaned into her mouth and pulled her tighter to his body. He was on fire. Her skin was so hot and he could hear the blood rushing through her veins. Her response to him was completely uninhibited. His hands found the hem of her shirt and he lifted it just a little to find her petal soft skin underneath. His fingers skimmed over her ribs and found the expanse of her back. He let just the tips trace her backbone sending delicious chills all through her.  
  
He was going to go mad. He dropped his hands to cradle her ass and picked her up. Her legs immediately wrapped around his waist and he ground himself against her, pressing her harder against the wall. She whimpered and fought to hold on to his shoulders. His ardor was almost frightening.  
  
He tore his mouth from hers and took gasping breaths. Her lips were red and swollen and her eyes were dark and heavy with passion. She was exquisite. And he wanted her so bad he would do just about anything to have her. But he wouldn't take her. She was fifteen and this was illegal in all 50 states and most European countries. Not to mention, Giles and Buffy would stake him faster than you could say 'dust'. He let his head drop till it rested against her breastbone. He breathed in the scent of her and let it out slowly. He could feel her long fingers gently stroking through his hair. He smiled but she couldn't see.  
  
"It's so unfair." She whispered, choking on the words. The smile dropped from his face and he gripped her harder. Fighting to get his traitorous body under control he let her slide down him until her feet touched the floor. She took his face in her hands and starred deeply into his eyes.  
  
"Why should I be the one to give you up when I'm the one who knows what I've got?" She was about to completely undo him.  
  
"Don't let me go, pet. No matter what happens, don't let go." She nodded her head and moved back into her room. She shut the door softly. Spike let his head fall forward till it hit the wall. Unlife sucked.  
  
TBC 


	13. Chapter 13

Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 13  
  
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks there is nothing left. S/D friendship. Takes place after "As You Were" and is AU after that.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: Still don't own it.  
  
Author's Note: Ok, everyone has their opinion and that's great but hopefully to everyone's joy I will not let that dissuade me from taking this story where it's going. As of right now, I have no idea where that is. I had no intention of making this a Spike/Dawn romance when I started out. I just find Dawn's character fascinating because it's so untouched. We really know nothing about her. And of course I'm hopelessly smitten with Spike. Their relationship in Season 5 was brilliant and then dropped. I was very disappointed. So, I am taking it upon myself to make up for Joss' shortsightedness. Aren't you glad?  
  
*******************************************  
  
Tuesday afternoon, Spike woke up to a quiet house. He had barely slept and his mood was not on the sunny side. Dawn would be at school now, which meant she hadn't bothered to wake him for a ride and he had no idea if she would be coming here afterwards or whether she would retreat to the safety of her sister's house. Not that she had to worry that he couldn't control himself around her. Well, okay, maybe she should worry a little bit.  
  
A shower helped some and he spent the rest of the day waiting impatiently on the couch for the sound of her key in the door or a phone call. He had no clue what he'd say to her when she walked in but at least she'd be here.  
  
He was a surprised when someone knocked on his door around three. He looked through the peephole and was greeted with huge Giles eyes. He rolled his own and opened the door quickly hoping to scare the Watcher. No such luck.  
  
"Spike. May I come in?" Spike gestured grandly for him to enter. The older looking man walked in and turned. He was distracted to say the least. He wasn't even paying attention to Spike, just standing in the middle of the room twirling the ever-present glasses in his fingers. Spike went to him and snapped his fingers in front of the Watcher's face. Giles jumped a little and stuttered an apology.  
  
"What's up Rupes? Your mind is a million miles away."  
  
"Yes. Yes, it is. Sorry. I just wanted to come by and let you know that we won't need the intervention after all it seems. I went to see Buffy yesterday and she...well, she basically broke down. She agreed to talk to Julia."  
  
"Well, that's good news there Watcher. Didn't fancy going over there and confronting her anyway."  
  
"No, I'm sure you didn't after what happened between you two." Giles said simply.  
  
Spike had been walking towards the kitchen until those words stopped him cold. He turned slowly and looked curiously at the other man.  
  
"What happened? What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
Giles gave him a knowing look.  
  
"She told me she slept with you." Spike was shocked to say the least. The Slayer had actually told someone about them, and the Watcher at that.  
  
"We didn't do a lot of sleeping, mate." He said smugly watching as Giles colored slightly.  
  
"Spike, don't be a pig. It makes apologizing for her actions all that more difficult." He said slumping tiredly onto the back of the couch.  
  
"You know, it's actual getting kind of funny if it weren't so sad. Everyone is apologizing to me for her except her." Spike threw out angrily. Giles looked up surprised.  
  
"She indicated she had told no one but Tara and me. Tara's been here?"  
  
"No, you git. Dawn. Dawn's been saying she's sorry for weeks now for the way Buffy treated me." Giles stood suddenly.  
  
"Dawn knows you..with Buffy? You told her!?"  
  
"She's a smart bird, Rupert. I didn't have to say a word."  
  
Giles sat back down and rubbed at his forehead.  
  
"And yet she still..." He looked over at Spike and quickly stopped that sentence.  
  
"She still what?" Spiked wasn't going to let on that he had heard their whole conversation in the garden.  
  
"Nothing. It's nothing." He sighed and took a handkerchief from his pocket to clean his glasses.  
  
"Just be careful with her, Spike. She's been through a lot and she's more fragile than she seems."  
  
"Are we talking about Buffy or Dawn?" He asked sarcastically.  
  
"Both, actually. But I was referring to Dawn. She's young and impressionable and it would be easy for her to misconstrue your attentions as..well, as something they're not." Spike could feel the rage building up inside of him.  
  
"Dawn has no misconception about my attentions, Watcher. She knows exactly how I feel about her."  
  
Giles was a little taken aback at the vehemence in the vampire's voice and the suggestion in his words.  
  
"I'm just saying..."  
  
"You know what, Rupert," the name came out as a curse, "you worry about the Slayer and let me worry about Dawn, okay?" The vampire was standing not a foot away from him now and if looks could kill, Giles knew he'd be under dirt.  
  
"You have no concern for Buffy?"  
  
"I care about Buffy. I want her to get better, but I don't want Dawn messed up in the process. I want her kept out of it till Buffy is ready to honestly try and be her family again."  
  
Giles understood more than Spike probably wanted him to.  
  
"You want to keep her." He stated as fact.  
  
"You're damn right I do." Spike figured there was no point in dancing around the issue.  
  
"You know that's impossible. Dawn needs to be home with her sister and have at least a semi-normal life, Spike. She can't live here with you. And for more reasons than just that. She's becoming extremely attached to you. Too attached. She needs space. And I'm beginning to believe that you do as well."  
  
"Don't presume to tell me what I need. You don't know shit about me. And you don't know much about Dawn. She's far from normal. I say about a few thousand years from normal." Giles couldn't help but be intrigued by what Spike was saying.  
  
"What do you mean? Have there been residual effects from the ritual with Glory? Has Dawn shown some power from the energy she houses?"  
  
"Calm down, Watcher. You sound like a kid at Christmas. And the answer is no. No key stuff. I'm talking Slayer stuff." Spike didn't think Giles eyes could get any bigger but he was wrong.  
  
"Dawn is exhibiting Slayer qualities? That's not possible. Slayer power is not passed through blood, it's passed from chosen to chosen and only after the Slayer is dead." He said dismissively.  
  
"I don't care about the how to's and why fore's Rupert. Dawn is faster than a normal girl and she has Slayer healing. The bloke that beat on her? The wounds were completely gone in three days. And whether or not she'll admit it, she has the spidey senses too. Most of the time she knows I'm there before she can see me. Not all the time though, so it seems to come and go on that point. But the healing and speed are there. I don't know about strength yet. I haven't mad her mad enough to hit me." He grinned smugly.  
  
"This is fascinating. Does she realize this? Has she noticed?" Spike looked away.  
  
"Yeah, she knows. But she doesn't want to talk about it. She thinks I'm trying to make her into her sister. So it's a touchy subject." Giles was barely paying attention.  
  
"We need to test her. Find out her strength and healing ability and .."  
  
"No." Spike said sharply. "She's not a lab rat Giles. You're the one preaching to me 'bout how fragile she is. The last thing she needs pointed out to her is how much she doesn't fit in. That she's different from other people. You remember what happened the last time someone told her she wasn't normal?" Giles recalled the scene at Buffy's twentieth birthday party. Dawn bleeding and weeping. He shook his head to clear the thoughts.  
  
"Yes, perhaps you're right. Well, then it's up to you Spike. You've taken her under your wing. Now you will train her. She can learn to defend herself at the very least. I won't tell her I know. And I won't tell Buffy. I'll leave that up to Dawn. She can learn better from you anyway. She would never take instruction from her sister very well and she listens to you. Also, you can teach her to fight..dirty." He said with a note of disdain in his voice.  
  
"I won't train her to be a Slayer, Giles. I'll train her to protect herself but I won't give her the whole guilt trip about how with great power comes great responsibility and all that rot. I'm not gonna teach her to fight and then send her looking for trouble. I won't put her in danger." Giles nodded.  
  
"I'll leave the decision up to you then. Well, this has been an enlightening little visit. I promised Buffy I'd come by her house tonight. She wants to talk more and I don't think I'm Dawn's favorite person as of now so I'll slip out before she gets here if it's all the same to you." Spike waved him towards the door.  
  
"By all means, Watcher. Get out."  
  
"You're too kind, Spike." He left quickly. He hadn't been gone five minutes when Spike heard Dawn's key. He felt foolish floundering around trying to look like he'd been doing something more than waiting on her all day but he was at a loss. He finally gave up and went to the door to open it for her. She looked tired and a little depressed.  
  
"What's up, bit? You look like someone ran over your puppy." She gave him a withering glance and dropped her bag by the door.  
  
He followed her into the kitchen where she started making a Coke float. Uh- oh. Caffeine and ice cream. Not to mention whipped cream. Something was definitely wrong. Spike walked up behind her and took the can from her hands where she was furiously squirting the stuff all over the mountain of ice cream. She let him have it and let her hands drop to the counter. He put the can far away from her and placed his hands on her shoulders. He started rubbing at the tense muscles. She sighed and let her head fall forward.  
  
After only seconds, she stiffened and shrugged his hands off.  
  
"Stop it, Spike. Just leave me alone, okay?" He put his hands up and backed away. She grabbed the glass and headed back to the living room. She plopped down on the couch and started taking large bites of vanilla. He could tell she was trying not to cry. He waited at the doorway in the kitchen for a few minutes and then joined her on the couch, not touching but sitting close.  
  
She finished off the whole thing before setting the empty glass on the coffee table and sinking back into the cushions.  
  
"Feel better?" he smirked.  
  
"No," she said shortly. He scooted closer till his knee was nudging her thigh. She gave him a dark look.  
  
"Come on bit, spill. What happened?" She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.  
  
"God, would you just let it go?" she asked peevishly.  
  
"Um, how 'bout no. Tell me. I'm gonna live a long time, Dawn, so we'll see who breaks first." He thought he saw a hint of a smile but she quickly squelched it. He kept pushing at her thigh until she finally hauled back and punched him in the arm. And it hurt. Really hurt.  
  
"Ow! Dammit, bit, that smarts!" He rubbed his sore arm and mentally checked off Slayer strength on the list he was keeping in his head. She immediately felt contrite. She reached over and placed both hands on his purpling arm.  
  
"Oh, God, Spike I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hit you so hard, you just...you just annoy the hell out of me sometimes, you know?" The smug grin returned to his face.  
  
"It's what I'm best at, nibblet."  
  
"Oh, I don't know about that," she blushed prettily and quickly pulled away from him.  
  
"I can't believe I just said that. What is wrong with me?" He reached over to stroke her long hair.  
  
"Nothing is wrong with you. It's called innuendo, pet. You've heard enough of it from me to be fairly proficient at it." She slapped his hand away and that started a faux battle. By the time it was over he had a couch pillow over her face and she was gasping for breath and her sides were killing her from laughing so hard.  
  
"Okay, okay! You win! I give up. Plus it's not fair. You don't need to breathe." He removed the cushion and leaned over till he was nose to nose with her.  
  
"Yes, it's one of your many human failings." It was at that moment when they both realized their position. He was stretched out along the length of her body and there was hardly a point on them not touching. Spike raised his eyes back to hers and could see the fear and hesitation there. He pushed himself off of her and sat back. He ran shaking fingers through his hair and let out a frustrated breath. Dawn sat up and straightened her mussed clothing. She folded her hands in her lap and refused to look at him.  
  
"Come on." He stood and reached for her hand. She looked up at him confused. But she put her hand in his.  
  
"Where are we going?" He pulled her off the couch and headed for the door.  
  
"Out." He sat her on his motorcycle, handed her a helmet, and they were off into the night.  
  
They drove up the coast again but instead of stopping at the beach they wound up on the cliffs overlooking it. Spike brought the bike to a halt in a cloud of dust and cut the engine. He waited for Dawn to climb off before swinging his leg over. She walked to the edge and peered over into the crashing waves below. The wind was fierce up here and it whistled around her pulling at her hair and clothes. It felt like they were at the edge of the world. They had driven out past all the houses and people and even the streetlights.  
  
Spike came up behind her and saw her shiver. He supposed to her it was a little chilly out here. He sat down on the cool grass and grabbed hold of her hand, pulling her down into his lap. He opened his duster and wrapped it around her, enfolding both of them in its warmth. He tucked her head under his chin and gazed out into the obsidian sky.  
  
She didn't even feign a struggle and instead burrowed down in the coat and closer to him. The wind was lessened near the ground. They sat like that for a long time before he brought up what was bothering her.  
  
"Something happen at school today?" He felt her head move and her hair brush his chin as she nodded a yes.  
  
"Am I gonna have to dangle you over the cliff to get it out of you?" She giggled a little and nodded again. He just hugged her tighter. He said nothing else. He knew she'd tell him when she was ready. He didn't have to wait long.  
  
"You remember Kevin?" Spike thought back to the night he'd taken her to the Bronze. A boy, probably sixteen or so, with shaggy brown hair and dark, brown eyes. He supposed some girls might find him appealing, the wanker.  
  
"Yeah, I remember. You were jumping all over my apartment talking about him. How could I forget?" She elbowed him and he grunted his apology.  
  
"Anyway, he cornered me outside the bathroom today and asked me out." Spike felt a chill start in the middle of his chest and spread outward.  
  
"And?" He wished he could have kept the tremor out of his voice.  
  
"I honestly froze for like 2 minutes. I know he probably thought I was a total space cadet but I could not for the life of me think of anything to say. I mean, a few weeks ago I would have passed out from sheer excitement but now?" She fell silent and let him fill in the blanks.  
  
"I'm sorry, bit."  
  
"Don't apologize to me Spike. And you're not sorry. It's not your fault I find you devastatingly handsome and all sexy and stuff." He actually laughed out loud at that. She was laughing too.  
  
"Well, I can't fault you there but it is my fault for pushing you to do something that maybe you weren't ready for." She swiveled her head and looked at him in disbelief.  
  
"Are you kidding me? You think I wanted to go my whole life and not experience something like that? If I had known what you could make me feel I would have upgraded from crush to 'must have him' a lot sooner. I never understood it could be like that between two people. Like you're just gonna die if they don't touch you. Like the whole world narrows down to just the two of you. Like you're melting and burning up all at the same time." Spike forced his body not to respond to her innocent words. God, she had no idea what her softly spoken confession was doing to him.  
  
"Now I know why you pursued Buffy so hard." That put a stop to any reaction his body was having towards her. But her next words finished the job.  
  
"What was it like with her?" He almost choked.  
  
"What the hell, bit? You don't want to know about that."  
  
"Yes, I do." She replied firmly. Spike took a deep breath and thought back on his 'relationship' with Buffy. He tried to think of one time when it had been good or slow or soft. None came to mind. Except for the last time. The night she'd come to him and demanded that he tell her he wanted her and loved her. And like a dog on a leash he had barked his devotion. All for nothing. He didn't know what he'd expected. A declaration from her as well he supposed. But he'd been a fool. What he had gotten was probably the closest they had ever come to making love. And afterward she had actually fallen asleep beside him, not touching but still it was better than her jumping up and running out. And then Captain America had shown up and he'd seen exactly what Buffy thought of him. Not very much. He shuddered at the memory.  
  
"It was bad. It was violent and scary most of the time. It wasn't a good thing for either of us." He couldn't believe he was saying that. He'd thought his world was ending when Buffy had walked out of his crypt that morning after ripping his heart to shreds. So many times he had tried to convince her that what they had was good and the violence was what she needed and wanted, what she was deep down. Dark like him.  
  
But now he'd seen the other side. He'd seen the love he 'could' have from this woman and it made what he'd had with Buffy look exactly like what it had been, destructive and ugly.  
  
"You saved me, bit. You made me see that what I thought I wanted wasn't what I wanted at all. If I could have had something from her, some little sign that it was getting better. Some show of affection from her. Maybe things would have been different. But she never had any intention of being with me and making anything good with me. I'm not saying her intention was to use me and throw me away, but that's just the way it turned out. It was too complicated for her to try and find a place where I fit in her life. She worries too much about what other people think. She was so afraid her friends would disapprove of her or even abandon her. Can't be much of a friend if you'd do that, right?" Dawn stayed quiet. She knew he wasn't expecting an answer from her.  
  
"Do you think you guys will ever work it out?" She asked with more than a little fear at his reply.  
  
"Don't know. I'm not gonna be the one that tries though. If she wants any sort of relationship with me it's gonna have to be her that does the asking. I'm done with it."  
  
"Don't you love her anymore? I mean you wanted her for so long and did so much to get her. Is that all gone now? Erased? Don't you feel anything for her at all?" Spike was more than a little surprised at her questioning. It was almost as if she wanted him with Buffy. And maybe she did. It would make things less confusing for her. If he was her sister's boyfriend they could go back to being just good friends. Maybe she thought it would make these feelings she had for him disappear if he had someone else, make her feel safe again.  
  
She thought it would be impossible to be with him, he knew that. She was so worried about him that she would risk giving up that part of herself. God, she was so unlike Buffy. How could he love such two completely different people? Love's a funny thing. He remembered casting those words at Buffy and Angel so long ago.  
  
"I don't know anymore, Dawn. I feel..different. That's all I can tell you. I don't know what's gonna happen. So much depends on what you want and what happens this weekend with this shrink that's coming for Buffy. I do love her. That hasn't changed. But now there's you. And the last thing on this earth that I want to do is hurt you. I'd rather die, again, before I let that happen." She rubbed the back of her head against his chest as a gesture of comfort.  
  
"All of life's mysteries don't have to be solved tonight Spike. For tonight, lets just be." She tilted her head back and smiled softly up at him. He leaned over and placed a chaste kiss on the tip of her nose.  
  
So they sat together on a cliff overlooking the raging Pacific in silence, listening to the crashing of the waves and the song of the wind.  
  
And Spike realized she had never really answered his question about Kevin.  
  
TBC 


	14. Chapter 14

Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 14  
  
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks there is nothing left. S/D friendship. Takes place after "As You Were" and is AU after that.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: Still don't own it. (Wish I did so it could stay on forever.)  
  
Author's Note: For those of you who object to Spike and Dawn in any sort of romantic sense, read no further.  
  
That said; here is the next chapter.  
  
***********************************  
  
Spike managed to hold off bringing up the Kevin issue again until Thursday. He and Dawn had a good week together just hanging out and talking a lot. He avoided any situations that she might be uncomfortable in and tried his best to be a good boy.  
  
They were sitting across from each other at the coffee table playing chess when he decided to broach the subject again.  
  
"So, you got a hot date tomorrow night or not?" He pretended to study the board and keep his nonchalant attitude.  
  
"You really think you're being subtle don't you? You're a sad, sad little vampire." She sighed, shaking her head in pity for him.  
  
"Fine. Tell me or I'll rip your throat out. How's that?" That only made her giggle. She moved and said, "Check!" with glee.  
  
Spike looked down at the board and wasn't really surprised to find he was being beaten. He hadn't been paying attention since they started.  
  
"Bloody hell," he muttered under his breath trying to regroup and turn it around. It was pretty much hopeless. She won quickly and still hadn't answered him.  
  
"Dawn, I'm going to find your journal and read it out loud in front of your sister if you don't tell me." That got her attention.  
  
"You wouldn't dare." She said with a note of true fear in her voice.  
  
"I'm evil, pet. Remember?" He wiggled his eyebrows at her like a villain in an old movie. She stuck her tongue out at him.  
  
"Don't tempt me." He said in a low, dangerous voice.  
  
She quickly drew her tongue back in and squirmed under his intense gaze.  
  
"Oh, all right already. I told him I'd go with him. I mean, the whole school would think I was a complete idiot if I turned him down after the big deal I made about him." She fiddled with the white marble queen in her hand trying her best to quell the nervousness that had started in her stomach.  
  
"Good."  
  
Dawn looked up, startled. He hadn't just said that, had he? Well she could play at this game too.  
  
"Yeah, great." In silence they set up the board again and played the game out. Spike won. She wasn't exactly sure what he was trying to prove by beating her so fast and using strategies that she'd never even seen before. He was making her angry. What did he expect from her anyway? He'd told her that he still loved Buffy and that if her sister wanted to get back together with him then he'd consider it. Where did that leave her? Out in the cold, that's where. Well, she wasn't going to wait around to not get Spike. She had a life. A lot of it and she was gonna use some of it to go out with a cute guy her age who actually liked only her. There. Take that Spike. Too bad it didn't make her feel better.  
  
After his triumphant victory, Dawn stood up and went to bed without so much as a goodnight. Spike knew she was pissed at him and he didn't blame her but he just wasn't sure how he was supposed to react. Did she want him to act all jealous and make hollow threats about killing Kevin if he touched her? Maybe he should have. Maybe then she would at least be speaking to him. He sighed heavily and cleaned up their mess in the den. A walk around the grounds would clear his head. That or a bottle of Jack Daniels. It was a toss up.  
  
Dawn was once again gone when he woke up around one the next afternoon. There was no note so he figured she was still put out. He was desperate to make peace and wracked his brain for something he could do to make it up to her. He still had nothing when she walked in the door around four. She breezed past him and went straight to her room.  
  
All right. That's it. He'd had enough. He stalked up to the door and beat on it so hard he nearly cracked it.  
  
"Dawn, open the door."  
  
"Go away, Spike. I don't want to fight with you. I'm nervous enough without getting into it with you before I leave." Her muffled voice came through the door. He sighed and laid his head against the wood.  
  
"Niblet, please open the door." There was no sound from the other side for several seconds and then he finally heard the lock turn and she was standing before him. His eyes widened.  
  
"You look beautiful." He said softly. She was dressed in a short black leather skirt and a brilliant blue peasant blouse that matched her eyes to perfection. She was jumping nervously from one foot to the other.  
  
"I feel so stupid. Why am I doing this? What on earth am I supposed to say to him?" She would beg for advice if need be. Spike leaned a shoulder again the door jam and tried to get his mind off how yummy she looked.  
  
"You probably won't have to say much. He'll be to busy starring at you to care." She gave him a pleading look.  
  
"Spike, I'm serious."  
  
"What's the big, bit? You talk to me all the time. Why's it so hard to converse with this boy?" She threw up her hands in defeat.  
  
"You're different! You're you!" He rolled his eyes at her explanation.  
  
"Dawn, you're a human and I'm a vampire. How different could we be and yet you still manage to hold a conversation with me?" She huffed and turned her back on him.  
  
"If you're not gonna help then leave." She knelt on the floor and lifted the ruffle on her bed looking for her shoes. When she looked back up he was gone.  
  
"Spike! Get you bony ass back in here!" He appeared at the door in seconds.  
  
"What? First you tell me to leave then you tell me to stay. I think you should stay home. You don't seem to be at your best, pet." Her frustrated scream only made him grin wider.  
  
"Right. Well, you could talk about how odd it is how so many people wind up dead in this town. Or you could tell him about your sister the Slayer or the fact that you have in recent memory kissed not one but two vampires. Or you could tell him how you're really a big ball of green energy." She was fuming now.  
  
"Spike, I'm gonna seriously hurt you if you don't shut your gob." He thrilled inside at her use of his way of speaking. It comforted him somehow.  
  
"Do you know how to protect yourself?" He asked suddenly. Her eyes widened comically and her mouth dropped open.  
  
"Good God, Spike! It's our first date!" Dawn said hysterically.  
  
"I meant do you know how to protect yourself if he gets touchy?" He smirked at her. Color flooded her face and she dropped her eyes to the floor.  
  
"Oh. Yeah, I'll just kick him in the shin." She smiled knowingly. He was already shaking his head.  
  
"No, you won't. You really want the guy to wind up in the hospital with a broken leg? You pack a little more punch than a normal girl, pet. You may want to hold off on hitting or kicking anybody but me till I show you how to control your power."  
  
Dawn was already taking a defensive stance at his indication that she wasn't like everyone else.  
  
"I am so normal, Spike."  
  
"Dawn, there is nothing bad about being above average. It means you're unique, you're special." He tried to reassure her.  
  
"It means I'm a freak." He strode up to her and grabbed her by the shoulders slipping into his game face.  
  
"I'm a freak. You are not a freak." He stated firmly. She reached up and traced her fingers over the ridges on his forehead and then laid both palms against his cheeks.  
  
"No you're not. You're perfect." She said softly. Spike let the demon visage slide away and dropped his hands from her shoulders. Her gentleness made him want things from her he couldn't have.  
  
They stood awkwardly for a few moments before Spike spoke.  
  
"What time is he gonna be here?"  
  
"He'll be here at 7:00." She replied, picking at imaginary lint on her blouse.  
  
"Wait here a sec. I've got something for you." He disappeared for a few minutes and then came back into the room holding something fisted tightly in his hand.  
  
"Here. I want you to wear this tonight." He turned her till she was looking at herself in the mirror of her dresser. Before her eyes appeared a gorgeous cameo choker on black velvet. She gasped and touched it gently.  
  
"This belonged to my mother." He said quietly. She could hear the pain in his voice.  
  
"It's beautiful. Thank you so much." He nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets after fastening the choker around her neck. She turned and slid her arms around his slim waist. She hugged him tightly to her and for the first time noticed his complete lack of a heartbeat. That only made her grip him tighter. He placed a kiss on the top of her head and detached her from him.  
  
"Finish getting ready, pet." He rubbed her arms lightly and then turned and left the room. She turned back to the mirror and admired the exquisite cameo. It had belonged to his mother he'd said. And he was letting her wear it. Bet he'd never given Buffy anything like this before. She took one last look and turned away to find her shoes.  
  
They sat on the couch watched TV till a timid knock sounded on the door. They looked at each other for a minute, neither of them moving until the knock came again. Spike stood and went to the door. He opened it and was already glaring at the shaggy haired boy on the other side. He was Spike's height and slight in build like him too. He had at least tried to dress up it seemed, opting for khakis instead of jeans and a long sleeve T-shirt. What on earth did Dawn see in this guy? He waved him in and shut the door firmly behind him. It gave him some pleasure that Kevin jumped a little.  
  
"Hey, Kevin." Dawn walked over to meet him.  
  
"Hey, Dawn. I thought you lived on Revello? I went there first and some English guy told me you were staying here."  
  
"Oh, sorry. I forgot to tell you. Yeah, um Buffy is..um..well she's." Dawn couldn't come up with a single excuse.  
  
"She's having the house fumigated. Termites I believe she said. Guy must have been inspecting the house." Spike came to the rescue quickly. Kevin turned around and eyed him suspiciously.  
  
"And you are?"  
  
"I'm Spike." The vampire didn't like the boy's attitude at all.  
  
Kevin turned back to Dawn.  
  
"You're staying with him?" She nodded and gave him a weak smile.  
  
"Why don't we get going, ok?" She grabbed Kevin's hand and pulled him out the door. She came back a few seconds later and caught Spike still standing there watching them.  
  
"I'll be back by 11:00, ok? And if I find out that you followed me I'll spike all your blood with Tabasco sauce and wash your sheets in holy water, got it?" She said sweetly patting him on the cheek like a two-year-old. He just laughed. This was going to be one interesting night. Did she honestly think he wasn't gonna trail them? Of course she knew he would. Why else would she threaten him? He waited for about ten minutes before grabbing his duster and heading out.  
  
Dawn sat in the car and wrung her hands nervously in her lap. Kevin hadn't said a word since they left the apartment. It's not like she planned on dating the guy but the least he could do was be civil to her. She knew he must be confused but why wouldn't he say something? Well, she wasn't going to let him ruin her night.  
  
"So, what's the plan?" She asked. Kevin actually jumped at her voice breaking the heavy silence.  
  
"Uh, I thought we could get something to eat and maybe see a movie or hit the Bronze if you want." He sounded a little unsure if he wanted to continue the date at all.  
  
"Sounds great." She said with forced brightness. God, this night was gonna suck and she knew that Spike was following them. Maybe she could ditch Kevin and salvage her Friday night with Spike. Ugh, she was starting to think like him. Kevin's voice broke through her evil thoughts.  
  
"So who is he anyway?"  
  
"Who?" She asked confused.  
  
"Who? The guy you're living with, that's who." He answered impatiently.  
  
"Oh, him. That's Spike. He's a friend of the family. I've known him forever. Well, not forever but almost since I moved here. He's sort of my sister's ex-boyfriend."  
  
"You're staying with your sister's ex? Their still friends?"  
  
"Um, not really but he wasn't about to dump me just cause they broke up." She said defensively.  
  
"He looks..." Kevin searched for the right word.  
  
"What? He looks what?" Dawn asked angrily.  
  
"Scary. I was gonna say he looks scary. Something in his eyes. Creeped me out. Looked like he wanted to skin me alive or something." Dawn laughed lightly. That was probably closer to the truth than she wanted to admit.  
  
"No, he's just really protective of me." She assured him. That was the end of the conversation until they reached the restaurant.  
  
Spike didn't have to hurry to keep up with them. He could easily follow Dawn's scent. He pulled his bike into the parking lot of a little Chinese place and killed the engine. He could see them clearly from this vantage point. They were sitting at the booth near the big front window. They didn't seem to have much to say and were more focused on their meal than each other. He felt sort of guilty. It was obvious the guy didn't like the fact that Dawn was living with a man not at all related to her and seemingly in his twenties. And he was obviously taking it out on Dawn. Stupid git.  
  
Dawn looked up suddenly and glanced out of the window and into the mist shrouded parking lot. There was a streetlight but it was busted so the lot was pitch dark. She knew he was out there. She could feel him. She knew she should be angry but she just couldn't find it in herself to be mad at him.  
  
"What's wrong?" She looked over at Kevin's worried face.  
  
"Nothing. I thought I saw a rat." She quickly went back to eating her food. About halfway through the meal Dawn excused herself and headed towards the back of the restaurant where the bathrooms were. She ducked out of a side door and crept around to the front of the building. She found Spike sitting on his motorcycle smoking a cigarette. She walked up behind him slowly.  
  
"I wonder if they make enough holy water to actually fill a washing machine." Spike nearly fell off his bike and started coughing violently from the quickly inhaled cigarette smoke. She pounded him on the back till he stopped.  
  
"Jesus, bit you scared the hell out of me!" He was more than a little surprised she'd been able to sneak up on him.  
  
"Good. You deserve worse for stalking me." She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. He at least had the decency to look embarrassed.  
  
"You'd better get back inside before lover boy thinks you've given him the slip." Dawn looked forlornly at the lighted building.  
  
"Bit, you don't have to stay if you don't want to. The guy's an idiot. He hasn't said two words to you since you got here." She looked back at him sadly.  
  
"He doesn't like you. He said you were scary." She smiled to lessen the insult. Spike just shrugged.  
  
"I am scary. He'd better remember that and start treating you better."  
  
"No, this is my fault. I kind of threw him a curve ball I guess. Maybe it'll get better. We're going to the Bronze later if you want to hide in the balcony and keep an eye on me." She teased.  
  
"It's not you I'm keeping an eye on."  
  
"I know. But I don't think you have to worry about him wanting anything from me except to let him end the date early." He reached over and lifted her chin.  
  
"If he doesn't know what he's got then he doesn't deserve to have it. Go back in there and wow him with your charm and wit, pet." She gave him small smile headed back inside.  
  
Spike sighed heavily. This was bloody torture.  
  
Once back inside, talking became easier. Kevin seemed to be exerting a little more effort to get to know her. They talked about school and books and movies and by the time they left Dawn was feeling a little better about the night. She noticed that Spike was conspicuously absent as they walked out to the car. He'd probably already headed to the club.  
  
When they got to the Bronze it was packed. Several of Dawn and Kevin's friends were there so that made it a little easier on the couple. Janice immediately pulled her into the bathroom for a complete update of the date so far. Dawn didn't have much to say.  
  
"So, Kevin said you're living with some guy? What's up with that and why didn't you tell me?" Her friend questioned pretending to be hurt.  
  
"Calm down, Janice. It's no big deal. And I'm not like 'living' with him. I'm just staying there for a little while." Dawn went to the sink to check her make up in the mirror above it.  
  
"So when do I get to meet him?" Dawn gave her a withering look.  
  
"Never if I have my way." Janice pouted and leaned her back against the wall beside Dawn.  
  
"Gonna keep this nummy treat all to yourself, huh? No wonder you lost interest in Kevin." Janice taunted saucily.  
  
"I'm out with him aren't I?" Dawn was getting pissed off. She liked Janice but sometimes the girl just acted like a big 'ol ho.  
  
"Oh, calm down, Dawnie. I'm just kidding with you. Go ahead and keep your secrets. It'll make you more mysterious and guys love that in a woman." She grinned wickedly.  
  
They left the bathroom and joined their friends at a table. Kevin asked her to dance and she agreed. They moved onto the floor and a slow song started. Kevin acted like he was scared to touch her. He hooked his arms loosely about her waist and began to move. He wasn't the best dancer in the world. His movements were jerky and unbalanced compared to Spike's grace. Dawn shook her head. She had to stop comparing her date to Spike. She knew he was here somewhere watching them. Again she felt that tingle in her gut. Maybe he was right. Maybe Buffy had passed on some of her Slayer traits when the monks used her to form the key's body. She decided to stop giving Spike such a hard time about it and let him help her develop the unwanted skills.  
  
The song ended and the thump of techno filled the air once again. A group gathered around and they all started dancing together. After a while, Dawn got a drink and headed upstairs to the balcony to find Spike. He was sitting at a table at the very end surrounded by shadows. He smiled when he saw her. She pulled her chair next to his and fell into it exhausted.  
  
"Hey, pet. Havin' fun?" He brushed damp hair away from her flushed face.  
  
"Actually I'm having a great time. All my friends are here so that makes it better." She sipped at her Coke and twirled the straw slowly.  
  
"What's wrong, pigeon? If you're having all this fun what's with the glum?" She tried to give him a reassuring smile but she could barely muster it.  
  
"I'm beginning to feel like I don't fit in anymore, Spike. I mean, I've rarely ever felt like I really belonged but it's getting worse. Am I being melodramatic?" She asked looking over at him trying to read his expression in the dim light.  
  
"Of course you are, bit." She punched him lightly on the arm. Not hard enough to actually hurt him this time.  
  
"Dawn, when you're like us you tend to be set apart whether you want to be or not. You just have to find people you can trust and hold them close to you. They become your family. Look at Buffy. She has the whelp and Red and the Watcher. They've been friends for years even with all the horrible stuff Buffy has to deal with on a daily basis they've stuck by her. That's what you have to do too." She nodded her head and continued to play with her cup. A squeal caused both of them to look up quickly.  
  
"Oh no. Janice. Sorry about this Spike." Dawn got out before the girl reached them.  
  
"Oh my God, Dawnie. This is him? No wonder you're keeping him a secret." Dawn rolled her eyes stood up.  
  
"Hey. Um, Janice this is Spike. Spike, this is Janice." Spike unfolded himself from the chair and laid on the charm. He took her hand in his and placed a light kiss on the back of it. Dawn would have thrown up on him if she hadn't worried about messing up her clothes.  
  
"Charmed." His voice was deep and low, heavy on the accent. Dawn could see that her friend was overwhelmed. She was giggling like an idiot.  
  
"My, my. Such a gentleman. And a handsome one at that." She was practically purring. If Spike were actually taken in by this Dawn would kill him. Spike was simply enjoying the jealousy flashing in her deep blue eyes. He dropped Janice's hand and turned to Dawn.  
  
"Care to dance, pet?" She looked at him dumbly and then mumbled a positive answer. He took her hand and walked past Janice who stood there open- mouthed. He led her down the stairs and onto the dance floor where a slow song had just started playing. He pulled her to him, wrapping himself around her. Her arms circled knowingly around his neck and she laid her head against his black clad chest. She breathed in the scent of him and let the noise of the club fade away.  
  
She knew she'd have questions to answer after this little display. Kevin would be furious and wonder what the heck Spike was doing here. Janice would want to know what was going on between the two of them. Dawn had never wanted to disappear from a place so bad in her life. She just wanted to stay wrapped in Spike's arms swaying to the music and escape all of her nosy friends. She had no clue what she would say to them anyway. She didn't even know what she had Spike. How was she supposed to explain it to somebody else?  
  
The end of the song approached and Spike lifted her chin with his hand.  
  
"Want to cut out, bit?" He asked softly. Man did she ever. She hesitated giving her answer and sighed heavily.  
  
"I can't Spike. I want to but I can't just leave him here. He'll never forgive me or live it down at school and you know how horrible high schoolers can be." He nodded and looked over to see Kevin glaring at him from the side. Spike took Dawn's hand and led her over to him.  
  
"Hey, mate. Thanks for letting me borrow Dawn for a dance. She's all yours again." He gave her a quick smile and headed to the bar. Dawn turned to Kevin and the smile fell from her own face. He looked like he was ready to explode.  
  
"What's he doing here?" He asked heatedly.  
  
"Um, he's drinking from the looks of it. Look, Kevin, he probably didn't know we'd be here. It's a free country. He can be here if he wants."  
  
"Yeah, well its just convenience then isn't it?" He wasn't convinced by her explanation.  
  
"Don't make a big deal out of it, okay? Cause it's not." She pleaded. He finally let out a frustrated breath and dropped his defensive posture.  
  
"Look, Dawn, maybe I read you wrong but I thought you liked me. I got up the guts to ask you out and now you're here doing the lambada with some other guy that you happen to be living with. If you don't want to stay here with me then just tell me now and let me salvage at least some of my dignity." The poor boy. Dawn felt like a complete wretch.  
  
"Kevin, I'm so sorry. I do like you it's just that a lot has happened to me in the last few weeks so I may be coming across as a little distracted. Spike saved my life. He means a lot to me. But I don't want that to ruin our date or any future dates we might have, okay?" Maybe it was giving him false hope but she didn't want to end the night with him hating her guts.  
  
"Let's just please try to have a good time, okay? Please?" Dawn begged giving him the puppy dog look she'd gotten from Spike. Kevin laughed and took her hand in his.  
  
"Okay, okay. How can I resist that look?"  
  
"You can't. It's impossible. Come on, let's go." She pulled him to the dance floor to join the rest of their friends.  
  
Spike stood with his back to the bar and watched with a hooded gaze.  
  
TBC 


	15. Chapter 15

Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 15  
  
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks there is nothing left. S/D friendship. Takes place after "As You Were" and is AU after that.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: Still don't own it. But if I did I'd make a Spike spin-off!  
  
Author's Note: Special thanks to Tequila Sunrise and Rebo!  
  
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Spike left the club early. He couldn't stand watching Dawn try to make Kevin feel better about the whole date. It was bleeding pathetic. It made him feel sorry for his bit. Having to smile and simper after the guy so his pride wouldn't be irrevocably damaged. Reminded him of Buffy and Riley.  
  
He did his patrol of the grounds and then went back to the apartment to wait. He knew she'd want to somebody's ear to talk off when she got home so he'd be there. He made himself a cup of strong coffee and flopped on the couch to watch TV. At exactly eleven he heard the door. She slipped in and closed the door softly. She turned around and stopped in her tracks when she saw him watching her from the couch.  
  
"Oh, hey."  
  
"Hey yourself. What's up? What's with the sneaking in?" He asked confused.  
  
"Habit I guess. I always had to sneak in at home." She smiled guiltily. He only laughed. He patted the couch beside him and she made her way over to sit next to him. She kicked off her sandals and pulled her legs up under her. He immediately reached over and began to run his fingers threw her long, dark hair. He just needed a connection to her.  
  
"So, how was it?" He asked with genuine curiosity.  
  
"It was okay. I mainly hung out with Janice. Once high school guys get with their friends they tend to ignore girls for some reason. I haven't figured that out yet. He didn't say much on the way home. We got here and he told me he had fun but I wasn't quite convinced. He didn't even try to kiss me. Should I take that as an insult?" She asked.  
  
"No. He was probably scared I'd show up and beat the hell out of him," he grinned wickedly. Dawn pushed him playfully and wound up snuggled into his side. He draped his arm over her shoulders and continued to stroke her hair.  
  
"Oh well, guess I won't be hearing from him again. I'll be lucky if he even speaks to me at school." She sighed sadly.  
  
"Niblet, what do you care? You said yourself you weren't really interested in him anymore, so why would you care if he never speaks to you again?"  
  
"Well, let's see. I have exactly one best friend and that's you. At school I have Janice and maybe 2 other girls that I consider 'friends'. Totally alienating my classmates is not the way to have a successful high school career. Everyone there already thinks I'm weird. Kevin is well liked and popular so if he were my friend then maybe I wouldn't be considered an untouchable. And you can't possibly understand this. You're like 1,000 years old and when you were in school it was nothing like it is now." She rambled.  
  
"Shows what you know. And I'm not 1000. School hasn't changed that much in the last hundred years, pet. You've got the rich kids, the poor kids and the kids that don't matter. There are bullies and wimps and cliques. It's still the same." He assured her.  
  
"And if this Kevin kid treats you bad you let me know. I'll take care of it." Dawn rolled her eyes.  
  
"Spike, this isn't the mafia. You can't fight everybody that hurts my feelings. You won't always be there when it happens and besides if you go around beating up everybody, Buffy will know you're chipless..." They looked up at each other at the same time.  
  
"Shit. The counselor lady came today." Spike swore again.  
  
"And we forgot." Dawn slapped a hand to her forehead. How could they forget? It had been on Spike's mind 24/7 till this stuff with Dawn started. Dawn jumped from the couch and ran to the phone. She quickly dialed the number to her house and wasn't surprised when Giles answered.  
  
"Hey Giles. It's Dawn."  
  
"Well, glad to know you're still alive." His clipped tone voiced his disapproval.  
  
"I'm so sorry Giles. We didn't mean to forget it's just that there was a lot going on. How is she? Is the lady with her now?" She tried to direct his attention away from the fact that one of the most important people in Buffy's life hadn't bothered to even speak with her for almost a week now.  
  
"They're in the den. I've been relegated to the kitchen until further notice but I think Buffy is doing well. She likes Julia a great deal and they've hit it off nicely. How are things over there?"  
  
"We're fine. Will you call tomorrow and let us know how it's going? Does the lady want me there?"  
  
"No, no. Not right now. She may call you in later. Right now she wants Buffy to speak freely and she might temper her words if you're here. Best you stay where you are for now." They talked for a few more minutes and then said their goodbyes.  
  
Dawn walked back into the living room and Spike stood to meet her.  
  
"Was he fuming?" He noticed Dawn was wringing her hands and chewing on her bottom lip.  
  
"What kind of sister am I? This is a big deal for her and I forgot. God, what is wrong with me? How selfish could I possibly be?" The tears were already slipping down her face. Spike enfolded her in his arms.  
  
"Niblet, we both forgot. It's not your fault. The good thing is we remembered and now we can be there for her. We can go over tomorrow if you want to see how she's doing." She was already shaking her head.  
  
"No. Giles said the counselor wants Buffy alone till she says so. She may call for me tomorrow. Ugh, I hate this. The last thing I want to do right now is have my head examined." Spike laughed and hugged her tighter.  
  
"You and me both, bit."  
  
Saturday morning Dawn woke up to the phone ringing. She jumped out of bed and made it to the kitchen by the fourth ring.  
  
"Hello?" She answered breathlessly.  
  
"Dawn?" It was Giles.  
  
"Yeah, hey Giles. What's up? Is Buffy okay?"  
  
"Yes, she's fine. Julia would like to meet with you today if that's all right. Can you be here in an hour?"  
  
"Of course I can. Just let me get ready real quick and I'll walk over." They hung up and Dawn turned to find Spike standing in the hall rubbing at his sleep-tousled hair.  
  
"What's going on? Everything okay?" Dawn couldn't help but smile at the picture he made. He looked like a little kid. Well, except for the washboard abs and muscular arms. Man she needed a shower. A cold one.  
  
"Yeah, it's okay. I have to go over now. I guess it's my turn."  
  
"I'll make you something to eat before you go. Don't want you getting the third degree on an empty stomach." He joked but they both knew this was serious. This woman was their last hope for Buffy getting better. If this didn't work what was the alternative?  
  
Dawn got ready and after breakfast she walked over to the house. She went in the back door and found Giles having his morning coffee. At least he wasn't yelling yet.  
  
"Hey Giles." He didn't look angry. He looked extremely sad. He stood and hugged her briefly.  
  
"Hello Dawn. They're in the living room. I'll take you in and introduce you." She followed him and tried to quell the butterflies in her stomach at seeing her sister again after the last time. Buffy was curled up in the chair and the lady she supposed was the counselor was on the couch. She didn't look like any psychiatrist Dawn had ever seen. She was wearing faded blue jeans and a Power Puff girls t-shirt. This woman was supposed to help her sister?  
  
Buffy stood when she saw Dawn, unsure of what she should do. Dawn settled it by going over to her and hugging her tightly. Buffy let out a sigh of relief. The two sisters looked at each other with tears in their eyes and nervous smiles.  
  
"I've missed you Dawnie." Buffy voice was choked with emotion.  
  
"Me too. Is this her?" Dawn asked. The disbelief must have been evident in her voice because the other woman laughed and stood. She held out a hand to Dawn.  
  
"Hi, I'm Julia Langford. You must be Dawn." Dawn shook her offered hand and then they all sat back down. Giles disappeared back into the kitchen and Dawn settled on the arm of the chair where Buffy was sitting.  
  
"So Buffy tells me you're the Key?" Dawn eyes widened in shock and she turned quickly to her sister to give her the 'I can't believe you told her that' look.  
  
"She knows Dawnie. She works a lot with the supernatural. She knows I'm the Slayer and I told her about out ordeal with Glory. Since that's when I died the second time." She added sarcastically.  
  
"Your sister has had an action filled life Dawn. It must be something to live in the same house with all of this stuff going on." Oh, this one was good. Such a simple statement but loaded with meaning. So she wanted Dawn to open up and let her know how it was to live with Buffy the Slayer? Well Dawn could tell her.  
  
"Yeah, it's something. Up all night doing research. So sleepy at school the next day you can barely stay awake. Eating when and if possible. Going on the run and missing school all together. Having to go to summer school was the best especially since even after I would come home I had task master Spike to be sure I did my homework the minute I walked in the door. Oh, not to mention my sister dying to save me. Yeah, it's something all right." Julia didn't even blink an eye.  
  
"Yes, your sister told me most of that. Except the summer school stuff of course since she wasn't here for that." This lady was really putting Dawn on the defensive.  
  
"I'm not blaming Buffy. I'm just telling you how it is to live here. That's what you wanted to know right?" She said angrily. Buffy laid a hand on her leg and gave her a pleading look.  
  
"Dawn, please don't make me the bad guy in this. I'm here to try and help Buffy, not to place blame on anyone or accuse anyone of anything. I just want your sister to be healthy again. I want her to love life and want to see more of it." She assured the surly teenager.  
  
"I know that. I'm sorry. It's just weird having a stranger here asking about this. But I'm all for it. I want Buffy to get better too." She said looking over to her sister with a slight smile. Julia nodded her head, glad that she had Dawn's support in this. The three of them chatted for a while about how Dawn was doing in school and what life was like living with Spike. Around three, Julia asked to speak with Dawn alone. When Buffy had retreated to the kitchen, Julia turned to the girl and asked the question she'd been holding off on with Buffy present.  
  
"Dawn can I ask you a personal question?"  
  
"Um, I guess so." Dawn replied shifting nervously in her seat suddenly.  
  
"What is the nature of your relationship with Spike?"  
  
Dawn tried to remain calm and quickly did a recap in her head of everything she'd said about him since she' d been here. She hadn't let anything slip that she could think of. She hoped she appeared calm.  
  
"He's my best friend."  
  
Julia was writing furiously on her yellow legal pad and Dawn couldn't help but wonder what on earth she could have gotten out of what she'd just said.  
  
"When was the first time you remember seeing him?"  
  
Dawn thought it was an odd question but the woman was a professional so she figured she'd play along. She didn't really know how this was supposed to help Buffy though.  
  
"The first time I saw him was the night he made the deal with Buffy to stop Angelus. Buffy told you about that right?" Julia gave her a positive nod so Dawn continued.  
  
"Anyway, I was sitting on the steps eavesdropping as I have to do to find out anything that goes on in this house and he was sitting in the den with my mom. He flashed his vamp face when he saw me watching. I guess he thought it would scare me but I'd seen vampires before. And how tough could he be sitting there with my mom, right?" Julia laughed and mumbled her agreement.  
  
"When did the two of you become so close?"  
  
Dawn wanted to ask what she meant by that but just played it safe and assumed she meant as friends. She thought her answer of "the night he kissed me senseless in the garden" might not be the best one.  
  
"When the Glory stuff started. Buffy took us over there one day for Spike to watch out for us and we started talking. He was telling me these really cool stories from when he and Drusilla were terrorizing Europe. Mom was asleep so she couldn't stop him."  
  
"Drusilla?" Julia asked confused.  
  
"Oh, sorry. That's Spike's ex-girlfriend. She was insane."  
  
"Ah," the counselor said simply and continued to scribble notes.  
  
"Was there ever a time you can recall that you were afraid of Spike?" Again, Dawn thought these were weird questions, but what the heck.  
  
She thought back on all the times she'd heard Buffy talk about the vampire and sometimes there had been genuine fear in her voice. She knew Willow and Xander had been afraid of him. Even Angel spoke his name with vampiric reverence at one point.  
  
"No. There has never been a time when I was afraid of him." Julia stopped writing and looked up at the force of her answer.  
  
"Why do you think that is? Why do the two of you have such a close relationship?"  
  
"I think at first it was because we both felt like outsiders. The Scoobies can be very inclusive without meaning to be. Well they meant to be that way to Spike but not to me." Dawn clarified.  
  
"Buffy kept saying it was because they were trying to protect me but it was damn frustrating is what it was. Like I said, I never knew what was going on. Spike was different. When they found out I was the key they started acting all weird but he didn't. He treated me the same as ever."  
  
"Did you ever fear he was using you to get to Buffy?" Dawn's anger flared briefly but she quickly squelched it.  
  
"No. Not until the incident where he chained her up and told her he loved her. I thought for a little while that he had used me but then he helped me," she stopped herself from revealing the fact that she had tried to raise her mother from the dead, "with something that I didn't want Buffy to know about and he didn't want credit or anything. That's when I realized that he liked me for me and not because I was her sister."  
  
Dawn got quiet and Julia glanced up.  
  
"Go on. This is fascinating."  
  
"Then Buffy died. Our world fell apart. I know the gang was grieving but Spike was devastated. So was I. My sister had died to save the world and me. It was supposed to be me. It should have been me. It's what I was made for. And she didn't let me do it."  
  
"You're upset that she didn't let you die?" Julia asked confused.  
  
"Yes. No. I mean she was the Slayer. I was just flesh wrapped around energy. I wasn't even really meant to be here. Who's to say they would have even remembered me once I was gone? Maybe the spell the monks used would have been broken and they would never know I'd even existed. It wasn't right. It should have been me." She repeated again.  
  
"Did you feel like they thought the same?" Dawn knew whom she meant.  
  
"Yeah, I did. They never said it of course. But the way they looked at me..." Dawn shivered slightly at the memory.  
  
"Except Spike. He was in so much pain but he never once looked at me with anything other that relief that I was still here. That's when we got really close. The Scoobies were so involved with dealing that I was kind of shoved to the background. The threat to me was over and their best friend had died in the process. Spike became the key sitter. They didn't trust him to be a Scooby but they trusted him with my life. What does that say?" Dawn waved her hand as if to erase that question from the air.  
  
"Doesn't matter. It was a horrible and wonderful summer. We missed Buffy like crazy but we had so much fun together. We felt guilty at first, you know? Laughing when Buffy was dead. But we realized she wouldn't have wanted us to sink into some kind of black depression after what she sacrificed for us. She died so we could live." Again Dawn got quiet but this time Julia didn't interrupt her thoughts. She waited patiently for the young girl to begin again.  
  
"And then she came back. God, I was so..I don't know. I couldn't believe it. I wish you could have seen the look on Spike's face when he saw her. That's when I lost him. At least for a little while. He was so shocked and he wasn't sure where his place was with her anymore cause when she died they had started to form a sort-of friendship. But I think she decided for them. She started hanging out with him a lot. Started to ignore the rest of us. I was so angry. I didn't know then where she had been. When we all found out I understood better but it was still unbearable to be ignored by her. That's when I started...taking stuff. It was almost a way of saying 'look what I can do cause nobody even knows I'm here'." Julia was just shaking her head encouraging her to go on.  
  
"And then the night of Buffy's 21st birthday party I kind of made a wish not knowing a vengeance demon friend of Anya's was hanging around waiting for me to do just that. We got stuck in the house and nobody could leave. Anya went crazy and knocked my jewelry box off my desk. That's when they found out I'd been stealing stuff. For a minute I think Spike was actually proud of me, him being a thief himself." Dawn smiled slightly.  
  
"But the pride was quickly replaced by worry I think. He gave me the whole speech when he got me alone. It was a little funny to hear it coming from him but it meant a lot to me because he wasn't yelling at me about the stealing he was just worried about me. It wasn't long after that when Buffy broke up with him I guess. I didn't even know they were together. I don't really think they were. I guess it was just about sex."  
  
Julia's eyes widened at her honesty. Buffy had pretty much confided the same thing to her. This girl was impressing her more and more. She didn't miss much.  
  
"Anyway, it's just easier to be with Spike. That way Buffy doesn't have to worry about me or try to remember to take care of me." Julia could here the hurt underneath the brave front she was putting up.  
  
"Does he mind having to do all this?" Julia asked.  
  
"God no. It's like an all the time slumber party. I mean he makes me do my homework of course and makes sure I don't skip school or anything but mostly we just have fun together. Sometimes I wish I could just stay with him forever and not ever come home but he says I need to be with Buffy. She's all the family I have left."  
  
Julia couldn't wait to meet this guy. He was a counselor's dream. Well, a counselor like her anyway. He was vampire without a soul who felt deeply for humans who were supposed to be only food to him. He was definitely unique as far as his kind went.  
  
Suddenly there was a loud knock at the front door. Dawn jumped up and ran over to open it. Her face lit up at the sight of Spike standing there. She curbed the impulse to throw herself into his arms. She needed a good Spike hug after all this 'sharing'. Instead she grabbed his hand and pulled him inside.  
  
"Hey bite size." He seemed harried like something was up.  
  
"What's wrong?" She asked worried.  
  
"Where's big sis?" She hated it when he didn't answer her. He looked down at her finally and realized what she must be thinking.  
  
"It's bad, bit. I need to talk to her." Dawn nodded and led him into the kitchen where her sister was talking with Giles. Buffy glanced up and the look on Spike's face made her realize she better head for her weapon's chest.  
  
"How many?" She asked the vampire. Giles looked at her with confusion in his eyes.  
  
"Three dead that I could find. Twelve different set of teeth marks." Buffy walked past him to the den. Julia moved out of her way quickly. She turned when she felt a presence next to her and was met with the bluest eyes she'd ever seen. She took a step back and looked the vampire up and down. Wow. No wonder both the Summer's girls had a thing for this guy. He wasn't a big man but his presence filled the room. He exuded danger and sensuality without blinking an eye. He was smirking at her when her eyes settled on his face again.  
  
"Get a good look, pet?" He drawled out. Oh, this one was dangerous.  
  
"Yeah, thanks." She replied sarcastically. She looked back to Buffy to see her pulling various weapons out of a wooden chest behind the armchair. She tossed a couple of stakes to Spike and loaded up herself. Buffy slammed the lid shut and headed for the door. Giles came running out of the kitchen.  
  
"Buffy, what is going on?" Julia asked.  
  
"Spike found three dead bodies. There were at least twelve different bite marks, which means a gang of vamps attacked them. We're gonna find 'em and kill them." The Slayer stated matter-of-factly. It was really a sight to behold her in action. She was already opening the door when Dawn grabbed Spike's sleeve.  
  
"Let me come with you." She pleaded. Buffy was already shaking her head when Spike blocked Dawn from her view.  
  
"Not yet, bit. You need training first. You go out there now and get yourself killed I'd never forgive myself. You learn from me and then you can kick some demon ass, okay?" She was nearly in tears but she wasn't arguing.  
  
"Stay here and we'll be back in no time. I need to know you're safe, luv." Dawn's shoulders slumped but she didn't force the issue.  
  
"Okay, okay. But please be careful. If you get dusted I'm keeping the apartment." She teased. He smiled and ran his index finger quickly down her cheek. Buffy didn't see the exchange, but Julia and Giles did. The two warriors left the house and went out into the burgeoning darkness.  
  
TBC 


	16. Chapter 16

Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 16  
  
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks there is nothing left. S/D friendship. Takes place after "As You Were" and is AU after that.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: Still don't own it.  
  
Author's Note: Buckle your seat belts kids. I'm about to take you on a wild ride.  
  
Oh, and by the way, I don't remember saying anywhere ever that Spike and Dawn were gonna have sex in this story so for those of you who are "throwing up on your keyboards", you can stop and clean it all up now. Romance does not mean sex. They are two different things people.  
  
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The world looked so eerie in the twilight, surreal and hazy. Buffy was walking a couple of paces ahead of Spike when she realized she had no idea where she was going. She stopped so suddenly he ran into her. He jumped back quickly at the physical contact. His actions weren't lost on Buffy.  
  
"Where are we going exactly?" She asked.  
  
"Well, you seemed to be walking with a purpose, luv, so I thought you knew."  
  
It was amazing to her how quickly he could get under her skin. Nobody could ruffle her feathers like Spike. She took her usual pose with hands on hips and her face relaying her frustration with him.  
  
"The docks, Slayer. Don't be so uptight." For a moment he sounded like the old Spike. Now he took the lead as they made their way through downtown and headed to the pier.  
  
"What the hell were you doing down here anyway?" She asked stepping over trash and fish guts. He looked back at her in the darkness.  
  
"Buying strawberries, what the hell do you care?" His anger surprised her so badly she tripped over an empty container and would have gone down if he hadn't caught her around the waist. He sat her back on her feet and quickly let her go. He continued walking after he'd made sure she was okay.  
  
She turned the corner after him and the smell hit Buffy in the face. The stench of death was so strong she gagged. There were three corpses stuffed behind a huge dumpster. It looked as if they had been drained to the point of death and then left to die in misery. They weren't turned. Buffy put a hand to her mouth to stop the bile that was threatening to rise up.  
  
"How long?" She asked Spike while pinching her nose shut.  
  
"Two days tops. They've gotta be holed up in one of these warehouses. The economy the way it is most of them are empty." He nudged one of the swollen bodies with the toe of his black boot.  
  
"Well, I guess we better start looking." She hurried out of the alley to get away from the sight and smell. They started at the end of the dock and worked their way back towards town. Mainly they found nothing. Not one sign of a nest or any more bodies, which was good in a way.  
  
"You think they were just passing through?" Buffy offered a guess for their lack of success.  
  
"Most vamps don't pass by the Hellmouth, Slayer. It's the devil's own playground. Why go anywhere else?" He asked looking into a dust-covered window.  
  
"I don't know. Maybe cause I'm here? Isn't that the least little bit of a deterrent?" He looked back at her use of a word with more than two syllables.  
  
"They're scared of you, Slayer, but not scared enough to give up on the energy of that thing."  
  
"That's the third time you've called me that in five minutes." She pointed out. She hated when he called her that. He only did it to piss her off. When he didn't comment she turned from where she was watching their escape route to see that he had slipped into his game face.  
  
"What is it?" She whispered, hunching down and getting closer to him.  
  
"They're inside. Only there are more than twelve. It's at least fifteen. Maybe twenty. How the hell did you miss so many on patrol?" She bristled at his accusation.  
  
"Sorry I'm not doing my job as well as you think I should. I'll try to kill more of your friends, I promise." Acid dripped from her voice. Spike just grinned and in vamp mode it was terrifying.  
  
"Let's play, Slayer." Before she could stop him, Spike threw the door open and rushed into the fray. Catching them off guard gave the two a slight advantage but it lasted all of thirty seconds. Buffy was gonna kill him when this was over. He got three in under fifteen seconds on pure surprise alone. The rest, after alerted to their presence by Spike's shouts of joy came at them fast and hard.  
  
Buffy put her murderous intent towards Spike aside and spun around to take care of the mess he'd created. He'd been right about numbers. There were twenty at the least. How had so many managed to stay hidden from her for so long? Three people were dead because she'd been to busy having a nervous breakdown. She shook off the guilt and focused on killing the demons responsible for it.  
  
The thing that always got her about vamps was that they waited to attack one by one. They never came at you in a group, which is probably why she had managed to stay alive as long as she had. Maybe it was some kind of vampire courtesy thing.  
  
She had dusted at least ten when she looked over her shoulder to check on Spike. He was fighting like he was having the time of his life. She hadn't seen him this happy in a long time. She shook her head and turned back as two more attacked her.  
  
By the end, the two of them were standing in an empty warehouse with the floor covered in about a foot of vamp dust. Buffy could feel her blood racing through her veins, her heart pounding and she was breathing heavily from the exertion, but she felt alive. Her body was pouring sweat and her muscles ached. She looked over at Spike who was also breathing heavy, though he had no need to. He had a shallow cut above his right eye and a smile on his face. Suddenly their eyes locked.  
  
Buffy felt the air change around them and she knew that if she didn't touch him she was gonna explode. She took three long strides towards him and attacked his mouth with her own. She tried desperately to wrap her legs around his waist and began to tear frantically at his black T-shirt. She needed to feel skin. His skin.  
  
When she'd finally ripped the cloth open, her hands roamed over his flat stomach and cold, smooth chest as if he were Braille and she were blind.  
  
It finally broke through her lust-hazed brain that two things weren't right. Number one, he wasn't kissing her back and number two, the hands she thought were grasping her closer were actually trying to push her away. She opened her eyes and let him pry her loose. He set her back and was shaking his head violently.  
  
"I can't Buffy. I can't do that to Dawn." She could barely understand him through the panting  
  
"What did you say?" She questioned. Surely she hadn't heard him right.  
  
"I said I can't do this today. Not today, maybe not ever." He was shoving his hands through his mussed blond hair over and over to the point she feared he would pull it out. She couldn't believe what she'd just done.  
  
"Oh God. Oh God, Spike I'm so sorry." Her hand flew to her swollen lips and she backed away from him slowly. He was trembling and she could swear he looked as if he were about to cry. She looked down at his torn shirt and the scratch marks marring his marble skin. What the hell was wrong with her? She turned and fled. She nearly ran into the warehouse door in her haste to get out. She did break the handle when pulling it open. Then she was free. She ran like all the demons of hell were chasing after her. She ran all the way home.  
  
Spike bent over, resting his hands on his knees and taking deep breaths. What had just happened? One minute he'd been in the midst of it, fist and fangs the way it used to be and the next he'd had his arms full of Slayer. Had she heard what he'd said? God, he hoped he'd covered the slip of bringing Dawn into it. He stood and realized Buffy was probably headed there right now and if she had heard him then she was on her way to confront Dawn.  
  
"Shit!" He yelled into the empty warehouse. It reverberated off the metal walls and echoed through its depths. He started to run.  
  
Buffy burst through the front door causing Dawn to give a small squeal and nearly causing Giles to drop the tea tray he was carrying into the living room.  
  
"Buffy what happened?" Giles questioned but was ignored as Buffy stomped right past him and right up to her little sister.  
  
"What's going on between you two?" She asked through clenched teeth. Dawn just looked at her like she'd gone crazy.  
  
"What are you talking about?" She took two steps back just to put space between them. Julia got up off the couch and acted as if she would step between them. She had been afraid something like this would happen, but not this soon. Buffy's hand stopped her.  
  
"Sit down, Julia. This has nothing to do with you." The woman was so surprised she stumbled backward and landed hard on the couch. Buffy turned her burning gaze back to her sister.  
  
"I want you to tell me the truth. What's going on between you and Spike?" Dawn's face turned completely white and she knew she was visibly shaking.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about." She answered quietly. Buffy's face was already flushed but it was absolutely red now. She grabbed Dawn by her upper arm and began to shake her.  
  
"Tell me. What's going on? What did he do to you? What have you done to him?" It was at that moment that the door was thrown open again and Spike was suddenly in between the two girls and pushing Buffy away from Dawn.  
  
"Get out of my way, Spike." Buffy ordered in a low, threatening voice.  
  
"Or you'll do what, beat me up again?" He threw back at her. She flinched.  
  
"Tell me right now. I heard what you said. You said you didn't want to hurt Dawn. Why would having sex with me hurt her?" Julia gasped and Giles could be heard whispering "Dear lord" over and over. While Buffy spoke Dawn pulled on Spike's arm till he turned to her.  
  
"God, Spike what happened to you?" She reached for the torn edges of his shirt and touched the cuts on him bare chest. He shivered slightly from her fingers skimming over his skin and took her freezing hands in his.  
  
"I'm all right." He assured her. Realization dawned in her eyes.  
  
"She did this to you." Dawn whispered. His silence was answer enough. Before he could react Dawn was passed him and towering over her sister.  
  
"What the hell gives you the right to treat him like that?" Dawn yelled in Buffy's face.  
  
"Girls, please, if you could both just calm down.."Giles tried to touch Buffy's arm but she shook him off and continued the starring contest with Dawn.  
  
"I'm asking you one last time Dawn. What is going on with the two of you?" Buffy's jaw was clenched so tight Dawn was sure it would break.  
  
"I'm not telling you anything. There is nothing to tell. You're being ridiculous." Dawn crossed her arms over her chest and tossed her long brown hair over her shoulder as if brushing Buffy's accusations away as well.  
  
Buffy closed her eyes tightly and took a deep cleansing breath. She relaxed her tense muscles and then opened her eyes again, hoping against hope that this was all a bad dream.  
  
"Fine. You're moving back home as of this minute." Buffy stated firmly.  
  
"The hell she is." Spike said angrily, moving forward to stand beside a fuming Dawn.  
  
"You can't make me come back here." Dawn argued.  
  
"No? Well I can call Dad and get you moved to LA. Would you like that better?" Buffy threatened, tilting her chin up stubbornly.  
  
"I can't believe you would do that. All because you think Spike and I are what..sleeping together? Your hypocrisy is limitless isn't it? If you can't have him nobody can, is that it? Only you don't really want him you just want to take him out to scratch your itch every now and then." The slap echoed through the room and Dawn stood shocked with her hand pressed against her burning cheek. Buffy's face was the picture of horror. She held the offending hand out in front of her as if it did not belong attached to her arm. She looked up at the red welt rising on her sister's face.  
  
"Oh, Dawnie. I didn't mean to.." She didn't get to finish. Suddenly her view was full of Spike.  
  
"If you ever lay a hand on her again, Slayer," he spit out the name, "I will kill you." He breathed out harshly. His voice was tremulous and she could see the contained threat of violence in his ice blue eyes. Her mouth hung open and she couldn't speak. Spike put a protective arm around Dawn's shoulders and together they left the house.  
  
Buffy stood for several minutes starring at her hand before her eyes rolled up and her body hit the floor.  
  
TBC 


	17. Chapter 17

Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 17  
  
Author: Dawn  
  
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks that there is nothing left. S/D friendship. Takes place after "As You Were". AU after that.  
  
Spoilers: Anything before "As You Were" is fair game.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: Joss still owns it.  
  
Distribution: Anywhere but please ask first.  
  
Author's Note: This chapter is for Namelessneed14. Don't want any booger flicking going on.  
  
***********************************  
  
Buffy swam up from darkness only to find herself in an even darker room with a cold, wet washcloth being pressed against her brow. She tried vainly to remember where she was and why. Suddenly the memory was sorted and found. Her eyes squeezed shut once more and she could feel her still burning hand as it throbbed the memory clearer and clearer.  
  
"Oh, God." She moaned turning on her side and pulling herself into a fetal position.  
  
"Buffy?" She tried to pretend she hadn't heard Giles' worried voice at her side. Fat, hot tears spilled down her face at what she had allowed herself to do to her only sister. And for what? Cause Spike wouldn't be her sex slave? What had she become? The sobs could be held back no longer and her whole body shook at the force of them. She felt fluttering hands at her back as if he were afraid to actually touch her. Out of fear or just not knowing what to do she wasn't sure.  
  
She finally calmed into hiccuping gasps and the cloth was placed in her trembling hand so she could wash her face. She turned over to find her faithful friend giving her a tentative smile and a pat on the arm. How could he even look at her after what she'd done?  
  
"I could have killed her, Giles. I was so angry. I know better than to hit humans. Not even that but to hit her, my own sister, after what she went through with that...." Fresh tears gathered but she managed to control them this time.  
  
"She's stronger than she appears, Buffy. I'm sure she's fine physically." The words he hadn't said were the loudest. She might be okay physically but not emotionally or mentally. Dawn's only sister had accused her unjustly and then hit her. This was one guilt trip that was never gonna end. She might as well pack a bag.  
  
"What is wrong with me? I mean I was angry, yeah, so what? I've been angry before. What made me snap like that Giles?" She asked, honestly wanting an answer although she already knew. Spike had rejected her. Again. Her every attempt at any kind of connection to him had been severed but this had taken the cake. She had always been able to make him want her. She'd never failed at that. Even against his better judgement and his very dignity. But now he had the strength of Dawn's love for him to stand up to even that. And it had made her furious. So livid she had wanted to hurt the person who had given him that kind of resistance to her. Man she was screwed up.  
  
"Is Julia still here?" She asked; her voice muffled by the pillow she was hiding her face in.  
  
"Yes. She's here but a tad disconcerted to say the least."  
  
"Is she gonna stay?"  
  
"That depends on you. She wants to help, Buffy, but you are not allowed to tell her when or in what area of your life she's able to delve. She needs access to the things you want to keep hidden. In that lies the key to your problems. You've been keeping too many secrets and it's time you told someone else if for no other reason than to hear yourself say it out loud. Let her help you Buffy. Let her do what it is she came here to do." Giles pleaded. It was several minutes before he received an answer but he didn't push it. He knew she was trying desperately to deal with the events of the past few hours. He only hoped Dawn was doing a better job of it than her sister.  
  
Spike opened the door to the apartment and lead Dawn in. He settled her on the couch and went to the kitchen for a dishtowel and some ice. He hurried back and laid it gently against her swelling cheek. She took it from him and pressed it firmly against her skin. With nothing else to do, Spike just stroked her hair trying to somehow ease the pain away from her. She had said nothing since they left the house, just starred straight ahead. She was probably in shock. Spike definitely was. He couldn't believe Buffy would hit one of her own.  
  
He knew he'd handled it all badly. He never should have said Dawn's name during the warehouse incident but it was what he'd been thinking so he'd blurted it out. But he shouldn't have yelled at Buffy and he never should have threatened her. He had known she was just angry and frustrated and instead of hitting him she had lashed out at Dawn. He needed to talk to her, to set it all straight. But he couldn't leave Dawn right now. Not till he knew she was all right.  
  
"Come on, bit. Let's get you to bed. I'll do a quick sweep and come back, okay?" She nodded and got up off the couch. She passed her room and Spike waited and watched her walk into his room instead. She crawled into the bed and he pulled the covers over her now shaking body. He lay down on top of the comforter face to face with her.  
  
"Dawn please say something. Are you okay?" He laid his hand to the unswollen side of her face. She looked up at him as if she'd just woken up.  
  
"Spike?" Her voice was soft and childlike.  
  
"Yeah, baby, I'm here." He brushed her face lightly. She snuggled closer to him and he put his arm over her to pull her against him, which was difficult with the bulky bedclothes between them.  
  
"I just want to sleep. I'm so tired." She whispered. "Can you stay till I fall asleep?"  
  
"No problem, pet. Just close your eyes." She did as he asked and in only a few minutes her breathing was deep and even and her heart had slowed to its normal rate. He lay there for a while just watching her sleep and then he knew he had to get up and go about fixing this mess.  
  
Buffy had gone down to apologize to Julia and was now back in her room and getting ready for bed when the tap came at her window. She glanced over quickly and saw Spike starring at her from the other side. She rushed over and lifted the glass. They just looked at each other for several minutes before either of them spoke.  
  
"Spike, I'm so sorry, I.." He held up a hand to stop her.  
  
"I know, Buffy. I know you never meant to hit her." She finally realized he was still outside on the roof and ushered him into her room. Once inside he stood nervously glancing around. He hadn't been in her room that much, well not with her in it at least. It seemed so small with both of them there.  
  
"Here, you can sit." She pushed clothes off the armchair beside her bed and he sat down on the edge with his elbows resting on his knees. She could feel the tension rolling off of him in waves. This was the first time they had actually sat down to talk to one another since she'd broken up with him. He looked good. Really good. No dark circles under those baby blues from lack of sleep, unlike her. He looked pretty healthy for a dead guy. Having Dawn in his life had really given him something to take care of himself for. When he'd been with her he had gotten so thin and tired looking. But she wasn't going to start the guilt game right now. Right now she just wanted to have him here talking to her.  
  
"How is she?" She asked sitting on her bed, tense and scared. He shook his head and splayed his fingers out as if trying to grasp an answer.  
  
"I don't know. I honestly don't. She didn't say much. I think she might be in a little bit of shock."  
  
"Oh God." Buffy dropped her head into her hands and pulled at her hair till it hurt. Suddenly she felt his hands in her hair also putting pressure on her wrist till she let go. She brought her face up and saw the pity in his eyes. He didn't drop her hands but clasped them in his own colder ones. He was voluntarily touching her. She wanted to laugh from the joy of it but she thought he might take it the wrong way.  
  
"Buffy, I'm sorry 'bout what I did earlier. I shouldn't have yelled at you and I certainly shouldn't have threatened you. I know where you were coming from but I was in protective mode so my sanity was kind of overruled."  
  
"No, no don't apologize. It was all my fault. I lost it. I could have seriously hurt her. I'm the Slayer; I know better." It was if she needed to keep repeating that to herself.  
  
"Well, I'm sorry anyway. Just for the record." He smiled and it lit up the room. She hadn't seen that soft teasing smile in so long. She wanted so badly to reach out and trace his lips to memorize the feel of it. But she knew he would pull away, as he should. He was still holing her hands so that was something.  
  
"I don't know what's wrong with me, Spike. I mean Giles brings this psych lady here all the way from the East Coast and I spend a whole day talking to her and the minute I can't handle something I break. I'm glad she's here but I think a lot of this can only be fixed by me. I can't expect her to just say 'poof' and I'm all better. I've got to learn to deal with stuff especially the stuff that upsets me the most. I can't just lose it like that. It's too dangerous." He nodded his head in agreement. They sat for a few minutes lost in their own thoughts before she spoke again.  
  
"I'm sorry for the thing at the warehouse." He didn't drop her hands, which she had been sure he would do. She hadn't wanted to bring it up for that very reason.  
  
"It's okay. You're a Slayer. Fighting makes you horny." She saw the teasing grin again and couldn't help it.  
  
"Pig." She threw at him playfully. He laughed and gave her hands an affectionate squeeze. Then she grew serious again.  
  
"I don't know what happened. It was like all of a sudden there was nothing I could do but touch you. It wasn't about punishing myself or anything like that it was just because it was you. And the worst thing is I expected you to just accept it and be okay with it." She couldn't look him in the eye. That she could think so little of him shamed her to the point that she could barely stand to be sitting in the same room with him.  
  
"It was habit, luv. We did it that way for so long...I let it go on like that for too long. You're not the only one at fault here, Buffy. All those times, I should have stopped it when I realized you weren't doing it out of any feeling for me. But I had wanted you for so long that I eventually didn't care anymore whether you loved me. I had you with me and that's all I wanted. But then Captain Cardboard came back and ..well it was quite an eye opener for the both of us I guess." He wanted so badly to explain his side of things to her.  
  
"I guess I wasn't the only one who was messed up, huh?" She asked seriously.  
  
"No, you weren't. Course I am a vampire." He joked, as if that was the reason for all of his bad decisions.  
  
"What are we supposed to do now?" She asked suddenly. He hadn't really planned this far ahead. She obviously wanted him in her life in some capacity. Which one he wasn't sure but he knew she wasn't ready for anything serious. He knew she was still confused about what it was she felt for him. And he was a little unsure of his feelings for her as well.  
  
"I guess we take it one day at a time, Buffy. But the first thing that's gotta be done is to patch things up between you and Dawn. She needs you Buffy. More than she wants to admit. And it's not that I want her out cause God knows I'd keep her forever if I could but she needs to be here with you in this house. She knows that." Buffy nodded and then finally asked the question she'd been dying to ask since he'd crawled in the window.  
  
"Spike, don't get mad, okay but I need to know. I know you would never do anything to hurt Dawn but I also know something is up with you two. Dawn's had a crush on you for ages but this is different. That wasn't little girl crush face tonight when I questioned her. That was womanly guilt face." He did let go of her hands then to sit farther back in the chair. Was he trying to put distance between them because he was afraid of her reaction to his answer? She hoped not.  
  
He let out a frustrated breath and tried to come up with something that wouldn't get him staked.  
  
"Dawn's...well she's gorgeous, I mean you know that. And it's like suddenly I realized it, you know? I'd looked at her for so long as a little girl and then the night she came home from her trip to the mall with you I was in the garden. She came down to find me and it's like for the first time I saw her as this beautiful young woman who loved me. And it was humbling and a little confusing. So I um...I sort of kissed her." Buffy gasped softly and put a hand to her mouth. Spike put his hands up quickly to stop her train of thinking.  
  
"That's all I did. I swear. I just kissed her and then I tried to tell her I was sorry and she threatened to throw me in the fountain."  
  
Buffy couldn't help but laugh at the picture that made. "That's my girl." She said proudly.  
  
"What was it like? I mean was it like kissing me? How did you feel?" She couldn't believe she was asking him all of this. She should probably be kicking his ass for laying a hand on her sister but she just couldn't muster the energy or the will.  
  
"It was completely different. You and I were never kind or gentle with each other. She was both. It was overwhelming. And like I said, more than a little confusing." He explained.  
  
"Are you in love with her?" She hated that her voice broke when she asked. She wanted to act like she didn't care but she did.  
  
"Buffy..."  
  
"No, I want to know." She said firmly. He sighed heavily and started his nervous habit of running his fingers through his hair.  
  
"I feel..God I don't know. Of course I love her, I mean who could help it but am I in love with her? I think I could be if I let myself."  
  
"Why wouldn't you let yourself?" Buffy asked. He gave her the arched eyebrow.  
  
"You do realize who you're talking to right?"  
  
"Yes, I do. Now answer the question." She crossed her arms and gave him a hard look.  
  
"Well, I'm me for one thing. What on earth do I have to offer anybody? I'm a vampire first of all and secondly I'm way older than she is and I don't want her to miss out on anything that youth brings with it. She deserves someone who can take her to the beach during the day and on picnics and to amusement parks. I can't do any of that for her. And I've never had a relationship with anyone who was," he looked at her quickly and decided to continue, "innocent." Her eyes widened a little but she didn't say anything.  
  
He shook his head. "No, it can never work." He decided finally.  
  
"Spike, I can't believe I'm saying this but you're nuts. You have so much to offer to anyone who's not to blind to see it. You're smart and funny and sweet. You know people and I don't mean you know their name I mean you really know people. You know their personality and what makes them happy or sad or in my case, angry. So what if you can't take her out during the day? You can do all the things you just listed at night. Don't decide this for her Spike. It was done to me and believe me, she'll hate you forever if you don't let the choice be hers." Buffy said vehemently. He realized suddenly what she was referring to. Angel. Angel had decided for the both of them that he wasn't the vamp for her and had fled to L. A. No, he wouldn't do that to Dawn.  
  
" I'm not saying the two of you should get together, I mean my God she's only fifteen but don't give up all together."  
  
"I can't believe you're encouraging me in this. Aren't you the least bit upset?" he asked.  
  
"Of course I am. She has everything I ever wanted. On her first try she finds a guy who loves her deeply and would never leave her or hurt her or..." She stopped and pressed her lips into a thin line. This wasn't about her.  
  
"I messed up Spike. I could have made things good between us. I honestly think we could have been happy together if I hadn't been so screwed up. Who knows what would have happened it I hadn't died? We were becoming friends of sorts and eventually we might have become more. We might have actually done it the right way." Her voice was tinged with sadness at what she'd lost or never really had.  
  
"Don't torture yourself with 'what might have been's', Buffy. Concentrate on what might be, all right?" She couldn't stop the spark of hope that came to life inside of her. Did he mean what might be between them? She didn't dare ask. She would just have to wait and see what happened. And she would wait because for the first time since she'd come back she had something to look forward to.  
  
"I better get back. I don't want her to wake up alone." They stood at the same time and found themselves extremely close to one another. She refused to be the one to move and just relished being close enough to smell the scent that was uniquely Spike. He saw her nose flare as she breathed him in and he had to fight not to react.  
  
"I've gotta go, luv." His voice was gruff, almost a growl. She shivered slightly and nodded her head giving him permission to leave. He stepped around her and made his way to the window. He was halfway out when she stopped him.  
  
"Spike don't take this the wrong way okay?" She leaned in and pressed her lips firmly to his. He didn't push her away and he didn't remain still. His hand came up to grip the back of her head as he slanted his mouth over hers. She sighed softly at the familiar feel of this. He pulled back suddenly looking guilty.  
  
"If you say you're sorry I'll shove you out the window." Buffy assured him. He laughed moving quickly away from her to jump the rest of the way to the ground. He gave her a brief wave and disappeared into the darkness.  
  
"Thank you," she whispered to the empty room.  
  
TBC 


	18. Chapter 18

Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 18  
  
Author: Dawn  
  
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks that there is nothing left. S/D friendship. Takes place after "As You Were". AU after that.  
  
Spoilers: Anything before "As You Were" is fair game.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: Joss still owns it.  
  
Distribution: Anywhere but please ask first.  
  
Author's Note: Sorry it took me so long to update. I've actually had to work at work. Can you imagine? And writing at home is impossible with a 2- year-old so there you have it. Hope you enjoy.  
  
**********************************  
  
Spike came to consciousness slowly. He could tell it was early because the daysleep was still pulling at him. He opened bleary eyes to read the digital clock beside the bed. It glared 8:30 am at him. He groaned and turned over slowly. He couldn't say what it was that had woken him. He stopped when he nearly rolled over Dawn. She was simply lying there starring at the ceiling, her eyes wide and unseeing.  
  
"Hey, bit." Spike said loudly, snapping his fingers in front of her face. She blinked rapidly and turned her head to find him looking worriedly at her. She smiled quickly to reassure him.  
  
"I think I was asleep with my eyes open." She joked. Spike let out a relieved breath and jerked the covers off of her and over himself playfully. She laughed and pulled back but he had them so wrapped around him that is was hopeless. The fighting ceased and Dawn suddenly grew serious. She lay beside him propping her head up and giving him a resolved look.  
  
"I want to learn to fight like you." He was kind of caught off guard with her request. For so long she had denied that she was any different from any other girl. Now, suddenly she wanted to learn?  
  
"I'm not gonna teach you to fight so you can have a bitch slap contest with your sister." He stated firmly. He could tell by her reaction that he wasn't far off.  
  
"I don't want to kick Buffy's ass or anything but I'd like to be able to defend myself against her if she tries to hit me again."  
  
"Dawn, you know that was a mistake. She would never do that again. She was angry and upset and reacted without thinking."  
  
"Is that how you justify the way she treated you too? She was angry and frustrated and just needed a good fu.."  
  
"Stop it. This isn't about me. And I'm not defending what she did yesterday but I know she didn't mean to hit you and she's sorry for it." Spike said angrily.  
  
"Why are taking up for her?" Dawn demanded, sitting up quickly.  
  
"Because somebody has to." He could see Dawn's face getting redder and he thought maybe now was a good time to tell her about his little visit last night.  
  
"Calm down, bit. I went over to see big sis last night and she was..well she was really upset. She wants more than anything to get herself straightened out so you can come home and the two of you can be a family again."  
  
"You trying to get rid of me?" Dawn pouted. Spike rolled his eyes and quicker than she could react brushed her elbow out from under her so that she fell flat on the bed.  
  
"No you nit, but it's what you need. And I'm all about giving you what you need." He smiled that evil grin and did the eyebrow thing again. Dawn could see that she was about to be tickled mercilessly so she did what any fifteen-year-old girl would do; she squealed and ran for her life. She made it to her bathroom and was able to slam the door shut and lock it before Spike could catch her.  
  
"Dammit!" Spike slammed into the door and nearly knocked himself out. "You just wait till you get out of there little girl! You can't stay in there forever!" He warned.  
  
"I can try! I may have to tunnel to my room with spoons but I'll find a way past you!" She called back in between giggles. This is how he wanted to see her. Laughing and happy with no dark thoughts to plague her. This is how he wanted to see both of the Summers' women. He knew it would end the minute he brought up Buffy again but he had to get things right between those two even if he had to tie them in a room together till they worked it out or killed each other. Either way, his problems would be over. The first option had a lot more appeal though.  
  
When Dawn finally did come out she was not met with Spike ready to pounce but him standing in the kitchen doorway with a solemn face.  
  
"What's up?" She asked hesitantly. He simply cocked his head to the side, indicating she should go to the living room. She rounded the corner and saw her sister sitting nervously on the couch. Dawn stopped short and just starred at her. She was here. Here in Spike's house. Anger threatened to overcome her and it took Spike's hand on her arm to bring her around. She looked over at him and saw the fear in his eyes. He looked to Buffy.  
  
"Give us a minute pet." He told Buffy and pulled Dawn into her room and shut the door. He put both hands on her shoulders and just held her steady.  
  
"Dawn, look at me." She found his steady gaze and held it. There was a strange ringing in her ears and the room seemed to have hazy edges. She focused more intently on the blue of Spike's worried eyes.  
  
"Dawn, you're scaring me luv. Snap out of it." He begged, giving her shoulders a slight shake.  
  
"What is she doing here?" She asked angrily.  
  
"I don't know. She showed up a few minutes after you got in the shower. I'm assuming she's here to chat about last night though, don't you?"  
  
"I don't want to talk to her. Make her go away." Dawn responded childishly, even sticking out her bottom lip in a pout. Spike rolled his eyes.  
  
"She's not a door to door salesman Dawn, she's your sister. I'm not gonna make her go away. You need to talk to her and she did come all the way over here to apologize. Give her a chance to at least explain."  
  
"Oh yeah she walked all of a mile to get here and all she's gonna do is tell me how sorry she is and how it'll never happen again. I don't want to hear it. She hit me Spike. She hit me and it hurt and all over a speculation. One that she shouldn't even be having by the way." She added fervently. Spike hung his head and dropped his hands from her shoulders.  
  
"Bit, you know she didn't mean it and that's why she's here. She had the guts to come over and face you. That's got to be sincere, right?" Dawn crossed her arms over her chest and gave him a hard look.  
  
"Nothing she can say could possibly make up for what she did. She could apologize for the rest of her life and it wouldn't cover it."  
  
"No, it won't. But that's what forgiveness is pet. It's letting go of something that you probably shouldn't because you love the other person." She could see the pain in his eyes at that statement. It's what he'd had to do for Buffy too. All the air went out of her at that.  
  
"Can't I stay mad for at least one whole day?" She whined softly. Spike chuckled and pulled her into a quick hug.  
  
"I'll let you stay mad at me for a week if you do this for me today, okay?" She could hear the note of pleading in his voice. She hugged him back and then pulled away.  
  
"Fine. You win. You know I can't say no to that face." She groused as he rewarded her with full on puppy dog eyes and pouty lips. She laughed and pushed against his chest trying to knock him off balance. He grabbed at her and they both wound up on the floor vying for the dominant position. It was at that moment, with Spike straddling Dawn's waist and his hands splayed over her sides, that Buffy chose to open the door without knocking. The pair on the floor looked up in surprise and heat flooded Buffy's face. There was a gasp but no one was sure who did it.  
  
"Oh, God...I'm sorry..I didn't mean to..." Buffy was already turning away when Spike scrambled off the floor cursing and pulled Dawn up quickly. He went after the Slayer and reached her before she got to the front door.  
  
"Buffy stop." He grabbed her upper arm and swung her around. She pulled away violently and nearly fell against the door. Dawn came barreling into the room and almost toppled Spike over in her haste to explain to her sister what she'd just seen.  
  
"Buffy we were just messing around," Dawn started to say.  
  
"Yeah, I could see that." Buffy replied sarcastically. Anger once again flooded through Dawn.  
  
"You know what? Screw you. I don't have to explain myself to you anyway. If you want to think horrible things about me then you go right ahead but not about him." Dawn's voice was hard and tinged with bitterness. Buffy's eyes darted from one to the other.  
  
"We were just playing around Buffy. I was trying to get her calmed down so you two could talk and it just went to second grade from there." Spike said hastily. He could see Buffy wavering and wanting to believe him but after what he'd admitted last night it was difficult. And the thing was, she knew they hadn't been doing anything she should stake Spike for but it hurt to see the two of them so happy together when she was so miserable. She let out a loud sigh and slumped against the door. She just couldn't keep up the outraged demeanor. She was just too tired.  
  
She hadn't slept at all the night before fearing the conversation she knew was inevitable with Dawn. Even with Spike's scent still lingering in her room she had no peace. Then she'd had to get up and explain herself and the events of the day before to Julia. It was at the counselor's suggestion that she had come over this morning. She had wanted to wait a couple of days but Julia had insisted she should take care of it immediately.  
  
Once again, someone telling her what to do. Such was her life it seemed. She wished now she had stayed at home. Every time she walked through the door of Spike's apartment she felt as if she were intruding on a world where she didn't belong and had no place in.  
  
"Please, just come back in and let's sit down and hash this out, al' right?" Spike asked softly. Dawn turned and went to the couch to take up her position at one end which would relegate Buffy at the other end and Spike in the middle. Life imitating unspoken circumstances. But Spike wasn't about to get stuck between these two while they fought so he wound up propped against the door just watching and ready to referee should the need arise.  
  
Buffy didn't take up the opposite end either. Instead, she sat in the middle of the couch closer to Dawn. Spike nearly laughed as the younger Summers scrunched herself up so that she could be as far from Buffy as possible without falling off the sofa. The room got uncomfortably quiet, as no one knew how to begin. It was finally Buffy who broke the uneasy silence.  
  
"Are you okay?" She asked Dawn, not looking at her. She didn't want to see the red welt that she'd probably left on the girl's face. There was no answer for several minutes but Buffy couldn't force herself to turn that way.  
  
"I'm fine." Dawn's voice sounded small, like a child who has been chastised by a parent and is afraid their normal tone might offend. It broke Buffy's heart.  
  
"I know that saying I'm sorry isn't enough but I want you to know that I am. There is no excuse for what I did. I just lost it and I know better. I don't blame you for being afraid of me still. How can you even trust me? All I've done since I came back is hurt you. But Dawnie," she began finally swinging around to face her sister, "I love you. I gave my life for you and I'd do it again in a second. And not because I want to die but because I can't imagine my life without you in it. I told Giles this before but I just couldn't live in a world that would expect me to kill my own sister in order to save it. It doesn't make sense. And when I jumped I felt with all my heart that it was what I was supposed to do. And now I'm back and the person I died to save hates me and every time I open my mouth I hurt her with what I say." Buffy was trying not to cry. She didn't want Dawn to forgive her out of sympathy. But she could see that Dawn was already breaking. There were tears in her eyes as well and her bottom lip was trembling from trying to hold back the sobs.  
  
She looked back at Spike but could read nothing from his expression. A brick wall had nothing on this guy.  
  
"I truly am sorry about...hitting you." She could barely get it out. "But more than that I'm sorry that since Willow and the guys brought me back I haven't been the sister you needed me to be. I'm sorry that you had to find another place to live because I couldn't take care of you. And I just thank God Spike was there to take up my slack." She looked to him again and he simply nodded his understanding at what she was trying to say.  
  
"But," Dawn raised her head from where she'd been wiping at her eyes at the stern tone in Buffy's voice, "I'm not gonna take all the blame here Dawn. I know I haven't exactly lived up to my end of the deal here but your end isn't exactly eye level either. I needed your help Dawnie. I needed you to understand and just cut me a little slack and you didn't. You got in trouble, snuck out and ditched school. I know you're a teenager and crying out for attention and all that but our circumstances are not normal so you don't get to be either."  
  
"We don't live in the same world as those people Dawn. Where we live is dangerous and violent and hard. I needed you to step up to that and you didn't. If you don't want to live with me that's one thing but don't make it all my fault. You could have helped out a little. You're gonna be sixteen soon and it's about time you start to realize that you're gonna be expected to grow up faster than most kids. I need a partner not a daughter." Buffy stated harshly.  
  
Dawn was taken aback. Buffy had never been so brutally honest with her and boy was she good at it. Dawn knew her face must be red cause she could feel the heat of embarrassment rising in her cheeks.  
  
"I'm not here to justify what I did yesterday with all this but it's something I needed to say and have wanted to say for a long time. Maybe now wasn't the best time but there it is. Now it's out there and you know how I feel. You're disappointed in me and I get that but I'm a little disappointed in you too. I really thought out of everybody you would understand and be there for me and you weren't. You just took up the roll of wounded sibling and ran with it. Well I'm not gonna pity you cause the way I see it you got the better end of the deal." She didn't look at Spike but Dawn knew what she meant and the truth of everything her sister had just said was weighing so heavily on her she didn't know if she could stand it.  
  
She had tried to be there for Buffy at first but when she didn't respond immediately Dawn gave up. Too quickly evidently. Buffy had been counting on her and she believed Dawn had failed her. The younger girl couldn't process all Buffy had said fast enough.  
  
"I tried." Dawn answered suddenly. It's the first thing she could think of; to defend herself.  
  
"What?" Buffy asked.  
  
"I tried to be there for you and you wouldn't let me. I tried to take care of you and help you get back to normal but you wouldn't let me in. You wouldn't talk to me, cry or scream or anything. It was like living with a zombie. And I did try to understand but I just couldn't see how being back with us could be so horrible. I know you were in heaven and that this place must seem awful after that but you were with your friends and people who loved you and still there was nothing from you. So yeah, maybe I didn't 'step up' like you thought I should but I tried Buffy. I only stopped trying when you made it impossible. And it did hurt. It hurt like hell to know that you didn't want to be here with me. That you would rather be dead. I'm sorry if that bothered me but you'll just have to get over it."  
  
"I wasn't doing all those things you mentioned to hurt you or because of teenage angst; I was doing them to get you to notice that I was still alive. I didn't want your attention twenty-four seven Buffy but to have it for five minutes would have been nice. And not just from you but from anybody." Dawn spat out.  
  
"I don't want to be your daughter. You can never take mom's place and I didn't expect you to. I just wanted..it doesn't matter. None of this matters. I don't even know why we're talking about any of this. You didn't get what you thought you should from me and vice versa so the way it looks to me we're even." She finished, standing up and indicating that she was done talking. She stood by the couch with arms crossed as if telling Buffy it was time for her to leave but Buffy wasn't finished and this was far from over.  
  
"Dawn you can't stay here forever. You have to come home eventually. Social services is already sniffing around for any excuse to take you away and if they find out you're living here with Spike they'll put you in foster care so fast it'll make your head spin." Buffy told her, hoping it would make a difference.  
  
"Is that why you really came over here? Just to get Social Services off your back?"  
  
"No. God Dawnie I want you home. That's why I came. And them coming around doesn't hurt me it hurts you. It's not me they're after. I don't want you in that place or with strangers. I want you with me." Buffy was standing now too and the pleading in her voice was evident.  
  
"Why?" Dawn asked quietly.  
  
"What? What are you talking about?" Buffy was confused.  
  
"Why do you want me home?"  
  
"Because that's where you belong. It's 'our' house Dawnie. Not just mine. And it's empty without you there." Buffy threw up her hands in frustration. "Maybe you're right and maybe I'm wrong okay? But it doesn't change the fact that something has got to give. If you come home there will be rules but there will also be a caring sister there too, I swear it. It won't be easy. It never has been but it's worth it to me just to try. I don't want to lose you Dawnie. Not after everything I did to save you." Buffy said fervently.  
  
There was nothing Dawn could come back with. Buffy 'had' died to save her. It was as simple as that. At the very least she deserved a chance to prove that she wanted to work things out. Dawn dropped her defensive stance and rubbed at her temple that was now throbbing in time with her heartbeat.  
  
"I don't want to fight anymore Buffy. Can we just not fight anymore?" Her voice was strained and weary. Buffy reached over and ran her fingers through Dawn's dark hair like she used to do before she died. It brought fresh tears to Dawn's eyes.  
  
"Yes please." Buffy smiled slightly. Dawn reached out and enfolded her older sister in her arms. Buffy hugged her back tightly. Now that she had her here she feared letting go.  
  
"Can we just start over?" Dawn asked hopefully, squeezing her eyes shut tightly hoping to block out everything that had happened in the last few weeks.  
  
"Sounds good to me." Buffy agreed. "So when do you want to come home?" She asked pulling back but not breaking contact with Dawn.  
  
Dawn's attention was elsewhere though. She was looking past Buffy and at the stricken expression on Spike's face. He was losing her. She was leaving him. That's all he could think.  
  
"How bout the end of this week, okay? That way you'll have time to settle into your new job and I'll have time to get my stuff together and move it home." Dawn offered. Buffy nodded and didn't turn to look at Spike. She knew what he looked like already. She was taking away something very precious to him and he couldn't be happy about it. Even if he knew it had to be done it would still be hard on him.  
  
"Okay then. Next Saturday or Sunday then?" Dawn squeezed her hand to let her know that was fine.  
  
"I better get back. Julia's leaving tonight and there's still some stuff she wants to show me about meditation and focusing my anger and such. Got to be able to get in touch with my 'chi' and all that." Buffy smiled again. Dawn walked her to the door and they said their goodbyes. Buffy didn't bother to talk to Spike cause she knew he wouldn't know how to react to her about all of this.  
  
Once she was gone, Dawn closed the door and leaned against it. She let out a loud sigh and her head fell back against the wood. When she opened her closed eyes, she nearly let out a yelp at how close Spike was to her suddenly. She could see the conflict in his eyes. On one hand he had gotten what he wanted. She was going home to fix things with Buffy. But on the other hand, that meant she was leaving him. He couldn't even begin to think about how lonely this place would be without her in it. He knew she would still come over and even spend weekends with him but it wouldn't be the same.  
  
Dawn's hands came up to cup his face. She ran her thumbs over his full bottom lip and met his worried gaze.  
  
"It's gonna be okay. So I won't be here all the time. Nothing else will change. We can still hang out after I get home from school and I can stay here on the weekends if I'm not grounded." She joked but he didn't smile. His hands were resting lightly on her hips and he wanted so badly to pull her to him and kiss her till she turned to pudding but he knew that wasn't a good idea. Things were bad enough without the two Summers' women fighting over him. Not that he thought he was all that, well okay he did, but the last thing he wanted was to be the thing that wedged them apart again. Fortunately Dawn seemed to be reading his mind. She leaned forward and placed a soft kiss against his lips and then she moved away and went to finish getting dressed.  
  
TBC 


	19. Chapter 19

Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 19  
  
Author: Dawn  
  
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks that there is nothing left. S/D friendship. Takes place after "As You Were". AU after that.  
  
Spoilers: Anything before "As You Were" is fair game.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: Joss still owns it.  
  
Distribution: Anywhere but please ask first.  
  
Author's Note: To all of those who give great reviews or at the very least some 'constructive' criticism, thank you.  
  
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Dawn didn't want Spike to sink into a self-imposed depression so as soon as the sun set she made him leave the house and take her out for a night on the town. They wound up at some artsy Italian film with subtitles that had them laughing so hard it nearly made her sick.  
  
Afterwards they went to an all night video arcade and shot at zombies on the "House of the Dead" game till her fingers were sore and she couldn't pull the trigger anymore. When they left there, they grabbed some greasy fast food and headed to the park. With Spike there she knew she would be safe. Normally it was suicide to go to the Sunnydale Park after sundown. It was like asking to be something's dinner.  
  
They walked to the playground section and sat down on the swings. The night air was cool and damp sending tendrils of Dawn's hair curling around her face. They sat in comfortable silence with Spike reaching over to steal the occasional French fry. There was so much they both wanted to say but neither knew where to start. They'd spent an amazing few weeks together re-establishing the connection they had once shared. And of course now they had the physical relationship to deal with too.  
  
Spike kicked at the sand under the swing, making designs and then wiping them away with the tip of his boot. He was trying to put on a brave face for Dawn. He didn't want her to feel guilty for making the right decision. For him, it was just that he'd never lived with someone he actually enjoyed being with all the time.  
  
With Dru he had been her caregiver and protector. They'd had a blast at first, sweeping through Europe wreaking havoc wherever they went. But things had changed after Prague. And if he were honest with himself, things had started to change way before that. It had become more and more difficult to talk to Dru who was always seeing things that weren't there and whispering to dolls. She'd walked between worlds and her mind was always on things that were not him. And of course she had never forgotten her beloved "Daddy". Constantly being compared to the great poof was not his idea of fun. He'd been devastated when she left him because for the first time in a hundred years he was alone with no one to take care of.  
  
With Harmony, well that was barely worth mentioning since he hadn't been able to stand the stupid bint and had only been using her for sex because he couldn't have Buffy. She had prattled on incessantly at all times and he'd wanted to stake her on more than one occasion. He couldn't believe he'd been able to refrain from killing her or kicking her out for as long as he had.  
  
But with Dawn, everything was different. First of all, he loved her to distraction. And it was love like he'd never had before because it was unconditional and unwarranted on his part. He could actually have a civilized, intelligent conversation with her too and they shared so many of the same interests although he'd never admit that to anyone. They liked the same movies, the same music (mostly) and obsessed over the same food. He just had fun with her. He'd never had that before. Somebody he could just hang out with and be himself and that was okay. She didn't expect anything from him except his love in return and he gave that willingly.  
  
The only thing that bothered him was that she hadn't questioned him at all lately about his intentions toward her after their physical encounters. He was a little concerned about that. Most guys would be high-fiving each other that a girl they'd made a move on wasn't pressuring them into a relationship but Spike had never been a normal guy. He wasn't sure what Dawn thought about any of it. He wasn't sure himself. At the time he just hadn't been able to stop himself. His biggest fear was that she thought he was toying with her. That she was a replacement for Buffy or just brushing it off as a passing fancy of his. That she could think he would even do that to her made him angry. But again, she had admitted to none of this so he couldn't really be mad at her.  
  
"Hey, what's with the sad face?" Dawn asked finishing off her hamburger.  
  
He sat up and grabbed hold of the chains of his swing and kicked off. He didn't want to talk about any of the stuff on his mind tonight. Tonight was about forgetting. Forgetting that they had one week left. Forgetting that they had shared passion. Forgetting that he still had lingering feelings for Buffy. He swung higher and higher to escape her question until he was actually leaving his seat at the height the swing would start its descent. Dawn just watched him and didn't try to stop him. She knew he had a lot on his mind and some of it he didn't want to bring up tonight, which she was grateful for.  
  
She knew they would have to discuss some things eventually but she was hoping to put it off till later. It was kind of exciting not knowing from one minute to the next what to expect from Spike. Made life a lot less boring. And she hated that they would some day have to label it and put it in the category of being involved or not. In a way it would be nice because she would know for sure that he wanted only her but in another light it wouldn't be nearly as fun. Maybe that made her something of a 'bad' girl but she didn't give a damn. She was having the time of her life with him and whether that included sexual intimacy or not she really didn't care at this point. She wasn't going to push him into a decision and lose his friendship because in the end, if he did choose Buffy, she didn't want to be left without what they had now. It was better to have him like this than not at all.  
  
He finally started to drag his feet to slow down and then he came to a stop. His voice broke the still night.  
  
"I'm glad you gave her a chance luv. It's probably more than I could've done. But I'll miss you like crazy." He admitted, reaching out to trace her dew-dampened cheek.  
  
"I'm not going to Egypt Spike. It's just down the road. Look at the bright side. No more stealing all the hot water or picking up after me. No more fighting over the TV." She joked, poking at his ribs. He chuckled softly and pulled away from her searching fingers.  
  
"Well there is that." He started pushing his boots through the sand again and turning side to side in his swing. She knew he was trying to keep it light and not bring up all the stuff he would miss about having her there.  
  
"It'll be fine. You'll see. You'll love having your place back all to yourself. Now you can do all that guy stuff you can't do with me there." She teased.  
  
"Yeah, course. It'll be brilliant. No more late night talks, or jaunts to the beach or pillow fights. No more having someone to eat with or snark at the TV with. No one to check on in the middle of the night and brush the hair from her face and watch her sleep." He pushed himself out of the swing angrily and started pacing in front of her. His hands were already working through his hair.  
  
"Ahhh, I know I'm being stupid. I wanted this. I'm happy about this. Bollocks. That's a bloody lie." He said suddenly, stopping in front of her. "I don't want you to go. What I want is for you to stay with me. That's what I really want. There, I said it. Yeah it makes me a terrible person, but vampire here, remember?" He grasped the links of her swing tightly, trapping her there.  
  
"No, don't say that. What makes you good is that you want me to stay but you'll let me go cause you know it's the right thing to do." She stated firmly. Spike sighed and hung his head.  
  
"I'm overreacting. I know this." He said it so quietly she could barely hear him.  
  
"I must be rubbing off on you." She laughed but it died quickly in her throat at the desire now flickering in the depths of his eyes.  
  
"Spike," she said with censure in her tone. He growled and jerked away, leaving her swing to sway wildly.  
  
"I'm going bleeding insane here Dawn." He came back to her but couldn't stand still.  
  
"I don't want to hurt you but I do want to have you. I want you so bad it aches. But it seems there can't be one without the other." He fell to his knees with his hands landing on her upper thighs. She knew her face was flushed but in the dark she hoped he didn't notice. But of course he would be able to hear her racing heart.  
  
"You want me?" Her voice was incredulous. Spike growled again.  
  
"What do you think all this has been about? The kissing and touching and ...of course I want you. Are you blind?"  
  
"No just inexperienced." She threw back.  
  
"I'm sorry. Please don't be angry." He begged, rubbing her jean clad legs in a soothing gesture. Her hand found its way into his hair and she mussed it gently.  
  
"I'm not mad. I'm..in disbelief mainly. I mean, how could you want me? I'm skinny and pale and," she didn't get to finish before his fingers covered her lips to stop the flow of words.  
  
"Don't. Don't do that. You're beautiful. You're a Summers. You don't have a choice. It's genetic." He assured her. He could feel her smile against his skin. She grasped his hand and twined her fingers with his. She began to softly stroke the back of it.  
  
"I know what you want. And when you kiss me it's what I want to. But then when it's over and I'm away from you I know I'm not ready for anything else, Spike. The thought of 'being' with you scares me to death. I mean, come on, I've only kissed two guys and you're the second. Emotionally I don't think I'm ready to have sex with anybody, least of all someone as experienced as you." He couldn't help but smirk at her backhanded compliment.  
  
"And if it's between sex or friendship then I'll take the friendship." She admitted quietly.  
  
"We can't have both?" He asked.  
  
"Not now, no. It would just be too confusing. I mean you just got out of a relationship with my sister. How uncomfortable would that be? You and me making out on the couch while she's in the kitchen? I don't think so. Besides, I don't want to be rebound girl." He was denying it before the words left her mouth.  
  
"That's not what this is."  
  
"I know that. But she doesn't. And you think she would let you near me if she found out we were sleeping together? She'd hunt you down and kill you. If not out of some protective instinct then out of pure jealousy. Buffy may not want to admit it Spike but she does feel something for you. She would never sleep with somebody she didn't. And this isn't easy for me to say. Don't think that I don't want to be with you cause I do. I think about it all the time and dream about it every night. The timing just sucks." She looked up at him finally. He was so beautiful kneeling there in front of her with the moonlight turning his hair to silver. If anyone happened upon them they might think he was proposing. Dawn sighed heavily. If only life weren't so complicated.  
  
Why couldn't he just be a guy and she just be a girl? Was there a parallel dimension where vampires and age-old keys didn't exist? Would he even notice her there? Ugh, why bring even more complicated questions into a seemingly impossible situation. The fact remained that he was a vampire and she was just a girl shaped key. And there was too much history surrounding them and between them for anything more than friendship to be possible. So she would step aside and let Buffy pursue him as hard as she liked and see where things went from there. Because she knew her sister and once Buffy set her mind to getting something, she didn't back down till it was hers.  
  
"This has to be it, Spike. There is no other way. Yeah, maybe it's settling but for now I don't see another option. We have to pretend that we don't see each other as anything more than friends. We have to avoid explosive situations and innuendo which will be especially hard for you I know." She tried to joke but she could see he wasn't in a laughing mood now.  
  
"I'm sorry. I know this isn't what you want or maybe it is. But I don't want to lose you again. And if that means you're with Buffy then so be it. At least I'll still have something of you. Who knows what time will change?" He stood so suddenly she nearly fell out of the swing.  
  
He looked down on her and tried to see what she thought everyone else saw. A little girl. But for the life of him he couldn't see it anymore. Now when he looked at her he saw her with kiss-swollen lips and passion glazed eyes. She would never be a little girl to him anymore. Now, every time he looked at her, he would see the woman who had slipped through his fingers. And he would do what she wanted because he didn't want to lose her either. And if this was all she could handle then it was what he would give her. It wouldn't be easy but he would do it for her.  
  
"But I still have tonight, right? You said it had to end but we still have minutes to this day being over. So can it start tomorrow?" He begged in a broken voice.  
  
"Spike, please don't make this harder on me than it already is. I know what I'm giving up here remember? I know who you really are inside and I know the love you're capable of giving and starting tomorrow I have to pretend I don't. Please don't make me hate my sister." She started to cry. She had tried not to most of the night but she couldn't hold it back now. If he touched her now she would fall apart. And she would loathe a sister that could turn him away so easily. A person who could abuse him and mistreat him and throw his love back at him as if it meant nothing. Because to Dawn, it would mean everything.  
  
He was on his knees in seconds, pulling her off the swing and into his arms. He held her as she cried, her tears splashing against the leather of his coat. She savored his nearness and breathed him in because this might be the closest she got to him for a long time.  
  
Spike knew it was selfish but her torment was tearing him apart. He tried to fight the urge to make her forget but before he could stop himself his lips had already found hers and her tears were burning his tongue. He kissed the salt from her skin and returned to christen her mouth. He took long pulls from her lips and lazily traced the sides of her face with his fingers. He just wanted this. One more time to show her what he really felt for her. One more time before it could never happen again. Minutes passed and he continued to savor the taste of her. Her hands were digging into his shoulders and her legs held his firmly between them. He wished they could stay like this till the sun rose and he became dust in her arms. That would be a lot easier than what she was asking him to do.  
  
Suddenly the old clock tower on the outskirts of the park boomed its first chime for midnight. The sound scarred them apart and they sat holding the others fearful gaze. With abandon, Dawn threw her arms around his neck and held onto him as if he'd disappear when the chiming ended. When the last bell died away, she released him and moved away until there was a foot of space separating them. They simply looked at each other from this distance, saying things without words.  
  
The hushed and quiet world continued on without any knowledge of what might have been lost on this night.  
  
TBC 


	20. Chapter 20

Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 20  
  
Author: Dawn  
  
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks that there is nothing left. S/D friendship. Takes place after "As You Were". AU after that.  
  
Spoilers: Anything before "As You Were" is fair game.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: Joss still owns it.  
  
Distribution: Anywhere but please ask first.  
  
Author's Note: You know, considering this is the last season you'd think the least they could do was show new episodes!  
  
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Dawn slammed her locker shut and hefted the heavy schoolbooks in her arms as she made her way to class. She was nearly run down by an over-eager Janice.  
  
"Oh, hey Dawn. I was just coming to find you." The girl took in Dawn's pale face and the purple shadows under her eyes.  
  
"God, you look awful. Your boyfriend keep you up all night?" Janice asked suggestively. The sly look disappeared from her face the minute she saw Dawn's reaction.  
  
"Geez, sorry. Didn't mean to offend or anything. You can stop with the glowering. What is up with you today? Somebody die or something?" Silence was the only answer she received as Dawn walked past her. Janice watched worriedly as the sullen girl ducked into the bathroom. She of course followed. She found Dawn standing at the sink splashing cold water onto her face. Janice sidled up to her and grabbed a stack of brown paper towels, handing them to her when Dawn came up for air.  
  
"Thanks." Dawn muttered, grabbing them and wiping at her now red face. She starred at herself in the mirror and realized Janice was right. She did look horrible.  
  
"So what did happen? Please tell me. I live vicariously through you since I remain grounded for most of the coming month." Janice teased lightly but could see she was getting nowhere. This had to be something serious. Dawn usually couldn't wait to tell her anything but she was being tight-lipped about whatever had gone on recently.  
  
"Just a bad night. I didn't sleep very well." Dawn's explanation sounded hollow at best but for the first time Janice was afraid to push it.  
  
"Well, I'm sure whatever it is it'll get better. You'll see." Janice assured her, patting her shoulder awkwardly. Dawn didn't even glance over. There was no real comfort to be found there anyway. Janice picked up Dawn's discarded books and took her arm to lead her out of the bathroom and to fourth period.  
  
It was as they were passing the principal's office that Dawn's actions began to really startle her. The other girl stopped suddenly and stood completely still for several seconds before backing up and looking into the row of windows that showed the entire office. Janice peeked in too but could see nothing that would have upset her in any way. What she didn't see was the man talking to the new principal.  
  
Dawn couldn't believe her eyes. She just kept starring in as if any moment the apparition would dissipate and the world would right itself again. As if her life couldn't get anymore messed up, Hank Summers turned and caught his daughter's eye, waving weakly.  
  
Dawn felt frozen to the spot. She couldn't move or speak. Thoughts raced through her head and they all ended in the same place. He was there to take her away. Instinct kicked in and she fled with Janice left behind calling her name. She ran until she hit the door of Spike's apartment so hard that it threw her backwards. She realized then that the door was locked and a key was necessary at this point. She fished it out of her pocket and with shaking hands finally pushed the offending piece of wood out of her way. Once inside she slammed it shut and leaned against it panting heavily.  
  
Spike had just stepped out of the shower when he heard the front door slam. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist and hesitantly made his way towards the sound. He rounded the corner into the living room and saw Dawn at the door. Fear kicked in almost immediately. He was to her in seconds, gripping her shoulders and catching the caged animal look in her eyes.  
  
"Dawn, what's wrong? What are you doing here so early? Dawn talk to me! You're scarring the hell out of me!" He said loudly. She blinked several times as if she had just realized where she was. She focused quickly and Spike's worried face came into view.  
  
"Oh God, oh God Spike he's gonna take me away." She cried out, burying herself in his arms. Spike was completely confused. He held onto her as she shook and sobbed but simply couldn't bend his mind around what she was trying to say. Finally he took her by the arms and set her back a little.  
  
"Luv, calm down. I don't know what you're trying to tell me. What happened?"  
  
"He's here!" She said desperately, as if that alone should make him understand.  
  
"Who's here?" He asked impatiently.  
  
"My dad! He was at school talking to the principal! He saw me. I just panicked. I ran all the way here." She explained. Spike could feel an odd coldness spreading through his chest. The need to kill something was suddenly very strong in him. This was the man who had abandoned Dawn and her family. This was the man who had run off to Spain with some tarty bint while Joyce was fighting cancer. This was the man who was nowhere to be found when her light went out in this world leaving her two daughters alone and broken. Yeah, he wanted to rip him apart all right.  
  
"What does he want?" He was asking himself more than Dawn. He shook his head and tried to focus on the problem at hand.  
  
"Have you called Buffy?" Dawn shook her head to tell him no.  
  
"No, I told you I came straight here. Spike, don't let him take me away." She pleaded.  
  
"Nobody is taking you anywhere." He assured her. "Do you have Buffy's work number?" She walked with him to the kitchen and dialed it for him. An operator answered and had Buffy paged while Spike waited, drumming his fingers on the wall in frustration. When she came on the line, Spike didn't even give her time to get out more than her name.  
  
"Did you call your dad to come to Sunnydale?" He didn't mean to sound accusatory but she had threatened it at one point.  
  
"What?" She asked bewildered.  
  
"Your dad is in town. He was at Dawn's school today." There was silence on the other end for several seconds.  
  
"Where is Dawn now?" He could now hear the anger and fear in Buffy's voice as well.  
  
"She's with me." He heard her breathing slow a bit at that. Suddenly her heard her gasp.  
  
"What? What is it?" He asked frantically.  
  
"He just walked in. Look, I'll call you back okay? Let me find out what's going on." She hung up without saying goodbye. Spike gave the dead receiver a glare before slamming it down. He was gonna go nuts sitting here and waiting on a phone call. He looked down and realized he was still wearing nothing but a towel. He turned to Dawn.  
  
"He's at the bank. Buffy's gonna call back after she finds out what's going on. Just hang out here a minute and let me get dressed. Don't worry, luv. Buffy will take care of it. And if not, we hit the road." He stated firmly. And Dawn knew he was serious.  
  
Buffy couldn't believe he was really here. She'd almost forgotten about him, it had been so long since she'd had any contact with him. They were sitting in a small café where he had taken her for lunch and she was trying her best not to open up the floodgates and start yelling at him for every transgression he'd committed against her and her family. Looking at him was difficult without disgust to be perfectly honest. She could tell he was very uncomfortable. He couldn't sit still and he kept playing with his silverware and taking small sips of his water. Anything to keep from looking at her. It was sad really. A grown man being afraid of his own daughter. Well in this case he should be.  
  
"So, how have you been?" He asked, his voice tenuous at best.  
  
"Dead, and you?" She almost laughed at the look of horror on his face.  
  
"What?" He asked a little too loud. People in the café turned to look at him briefly.  
  
"Nothing. It doesn't matter and you wouldn't believe me anyway. You never did." She muttered to herself. As usual, he pretended she hadn't said anything out of the ordinary and tried to continue the conversation.  
  
"You're working at a bank?"  
  
Buffy laughed harshly. Way to state the obvious, Dad.  
  
"Yeah, I started last week. Somebody has to pay the bills and keep the house from being foreclosed on." She couldn't help it. It had been as easy shot and it had obviously found a target. Hank Summers was sweating profusely now and clearing his throat every five minutes.  
  
Buffy couldn't take anymore of the cat and mouse game.  
  
"Why are you here?" She knew it had come out rude but she couldn't bring herself to care very much.  
  
"Uh, well, the truth is I got a call from Social Services a few days ago."  
  
Buffy's eyes widened and her body started to go numb from her heart down.  
  
"What the hell did they want?" She knew he didn't like her language but he was way past being able to tell her to watch it.  
  
"They seemed to be concerned about Dawn."  
  
"Oh, I get it. So they see a father who hasn't seen or talked to his youngest daughter in years as more fit than an older sister who loves her and is just having a little difficulty adjusting to losing her mother and raising a teenager. Yeah, that makes perfect sense in Buffy's world." Sarcasm dripped from her voice.  
  
Hank was a little surprised at this girl who claimed to be his oldest child. She was harder now and very bitter. He knew she had every right to be after the complete asshole he'd been to them but the last time he'd seen her..God, she'd been in high school. Had it really been that long? She'd been so bubbly and apparently happy in Sunnydale, or so it had seemed.  
  
"What happened to you Buffy?" She looked at him as if she didn't even know him.  
  
"How can you even ask me that? You know what's happened. I've left the last few years on your voice mail. Didn't you get it?" Her own voice was rising now. "But if you really want to rehash it all I can sum up. My mother, whom I loved more than life, was diagnosed with cancer. Guess who had to take care of her? Then, when the doctors had assured us she was all better, I come home to find her dead on the couch. I had to set up the funeral and make all the arrangements. Thank God for Giles is all I have to say. Then I realized that houses and groceries don't just magically take care of themselves so I had to quit school and get a job flipping burgers. Unfortunately that doesn't pay big bucks so I had to find a new job, ere-go the bank. And still I can barely afford to keep my head above water. Not to mention the stuff I can't even tell you about because you'd have me committed, again. And if you think for one minute that you're gonna walk in here and take away the only thing that's keeping me from going under then you'd better think again." She finished angrily, her eyes flashing fire.  
  
Hank was speechless. He sat there like a fish, just opening and closing his mouth but no sound coming out.  
  
"Buffy, I tried.."  
  
She slammed her hands down on the table causing the silverware to jump and the water to slosh over the tablecloth.  
  
"Don't. Don't try to sell me your tale of woe on why you didn't show up to bury your own wife and comfort your children cause I really don't want to hear it. Nothing you could ever say to me would make up for your latent abandonment. Especially if your little story includes boinking some twenty year old in Spain." She spit at him. He had the decency to blush.  
  
"Buffy please calm down." He whispered desperately.  
  
"Don't tell me to calm down you bastard. And don't think for a second that you're taking Dawn away from me." The warning was evident in her voice and Hank was genuinely afraid of what he glimpsed in her eyes. He'd known she would be angry but he hadn't been prepared for this level of hatred. He'd always been able to sweet-talk his Buffy. Evidently his 'get out of jail free' card had expired.  
  
He tried to take her hand but she pulled it away so violently he nearly went over the table with it.  
  
"Buffy I'm sorry. I know that's not enough but let me start with that. You're right. I'm a bastard. I know that. I was in Spain when your mom got sick and when she passed away. I moved around so much that my receptionist never had my actual number and I didn't have a cell phone there. When I got back and got all your messages I was just too ashamed to show up. I was afraid of exactly this. You being so furious with me that it damaged any hope of a relationship we might have."  
  
"There was no hope for that regardless of you coming back then or now." She assured him harshly.  
  
"Buffy I know what you think of me and there's nothing I can do about that but I am genuinely concerned about Dawn."  
  
"She's fine. She's healthy and reasonably happy which is about all we can ask for in this life."  
  
"I'd like to see her for myself if that's okay." He wasn't asking, he was telling. She knew the difference.  
  
"That's not a problem. The problem is that I'm pretty certain she doesn't want to see you."  
  
"Where is she by the way? She ran out when she saw me and I went by the house and she wasn't there either."  
  
"She's safe." Buffy said, indicating that it was him she was safe from. Hank let out a frustrated breath.  
  
"Okay, can I meet her at the house tonight? I have to go back to the hotel to make some calls but I'd like to come over around seven if that's all right?" The conversation was apparently over.  
  
"Fine. But don't be surprised if she doesn't want to talk and Spike won't let you be alone with her."  
  
"Spike? What's that, your guard dog?"  
  
"In a manner of speaking." Buffy smirked. She almost couldn't wait to let Spike go on her errant father. And she knew it would do no good to tell him he wasn't welcome at the meeting. He would never let Dawn walk into this alone.  
  
As her father hurried out of the restaurant Buffy actually had an evil little grin on her face. She couldn't really say all the things she wanted to say to him, but Spike could and probably would if given the chance. And Buffy was most certainly gonna give it to him. She was actually looking forward to this.  
  
TBC 


	21. Chapter 21

Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 21  
  
Author: Dawn  
  
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks that there is nothing left. S/D friendship. Takes place after "As You Were". AU after that.  
  
Spoilers: Anything before "As You Were" is fair game.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: Joss still owns it.  
  
Distribution: Anywhere but please ask first.  
  
Author's Note: Thanks to everyone for the wonderful reviews.  
  
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Dawn was a nervous wreck by the time Spike told her they should get going. They were going to meet with Buffy early so they could set up a plan. Spike looked over at Dawn as they walked down the street to the house. Her head was down and she was dragging her feet so bad it would take them half an hour for a ten-minute trip.  
  
"Come on luv." He threw an arm across her shoulders to force her to pick up the pace. "Just relax okay? You've got nothing to worry about. Buffy and I will be there the whole time. We're not gonna leave you alone with him for a second. And if he tries to get out the door with you then he'll have me to deal with." He assured her. She tried to smile at him but her mouth only seemed to be able to go in a downward direction at the moment.  
  
When they finally got to the house they went in the back just in case Hank had beat them there. Buffy was standing at the counter with Giles.  
  
"All right. Let's get this party started." Spike said, slapping his hands together in anticipation.  
  
"Actually, Giles and I have been talking and we think it would probably be for the best if you weren't there." Buffy knew he wouldn't like it and she could see the anger in his eyes already. But if her father got a load of him he would take Dawn away for sure, especially if he found out this is whom his youngest daughter was living with. She didn't really like it either but after listening to Giles explain the badness of it for like twenty minutes she saw his point.  
  
"The hell I won't be. I promised her." Spike said firmly. Giles stepped forward.  
  
"Spike, I know you want to be there for Dawn but this is a delicate situation. We want to give Mr. Summers no reason to be afraid or concerned about her. And if he were to find out the 'friend' she's been staying with is you, well then..." He left it hanging at that.  
  
"What's wrong with me?" Spike asked indignantly. Three sets of eyes just starred at him as if to say 'Are you kidding me?'  
  
Buffy could feel his frustration. He was like one of those big cats at the zoo, pacing back and forth and growling low in their throat looking for any chance to escape. He stood there clenching and unclenching his hands like they were around someone's throat; the muscle in his jaw twitching from the pressure he was putting on it. A small hand being laid on his arm and all the tension rushed out of him. He turned and met Dawn's frightened blue eyes.  
  
"Maybe she's right. I don't want to give him any reason to take me away. But you could listen from in here." She offered trying to placate him. "I don't want you too far away."  
  
He let out a frustrated breath and nodded. His reward was a bright little smile from her.  
  
Buffy couldn't suppress the feeling of unease that passed over her at their little exchange. He wouldn't listen to her but one word from Dawn and he couldn't agree fast enough. She had to shake it off. Now wasn't the time. Tonight was too important for petty jealousy.  
  
"Okay, so we go in loose. No antagonism. We don't make him think that we believe he's here to take her. He's just here to visit. The only thing he admitted to me today was that Social Services called him. They must be watching the house. I swear these guys are like the FBI or something." She said, the exasperation over the whole situation apparent in her voice.  
  
With their battle plan ready they waited anxiously as the clock crawled toward seven. And of course, he was late. Fifteen minutes late to be exact. Typical was all Buffy could think.  
  
He came in nervous. His palms were sweaty as he shook Giles' hand and his voice trembled as he greeted Buffy. His eyes landed on Dawn and went wide.  
  
"My God, Dawnie, look at you! You've grown a foot! You're stunning, honey." Dawn could hear Spike's warning growl from the kitchen. She really wanted to be able to smile at this man and hug him and pretend that he was still her dad and she was still his little girl but there was too much pain to wade through to reach him. She simply nodded her head to accept his compliments. She fought the false memories in her head of sunny days at the beach and rides on the Ferris wheel at the boardwalk. Technically this was the first time she'd ever really met Hank Summers. She had to remember that. Maybe then it wouldn't be so painful.  
  
"Do you guys really have a dog?" Hank asked Buffy, trying to peer over her shoulder into the kitchen.  
  
"Um, we can sit down." Buffy said quickly to distract her father from the threatening noises coming from the other room. They filed into the den and Buffy let Dawn have the armchair so she wouldn't have to sit next to their father on the couch. Giles took up a position by the French doors leading into the living room so he could keep an eye on Spike who was now pacing in the kitchen.  
  
"Dawnie I can't believe how much you've changed." Hank said again.  
  
"Yeah, time tends to do that to people." Dawn muttered under her breath but not low enough because everyone heard her. Hank cleared his throat and started wringing his hands together.  
  
"So, how's school going? The principal said you had some trouble." Dawn looked to Buffy and she just nodded her head to let Dawn know it was okay to be honest.  
  
"Well, it's kind of hard to concentrate on school after your mom dies." She tried not to make it sound so bitter but how else could it come out?  
  
"Right, yes I completely understand that. But he said you're doing much better now." Hank rushed to say.  
  
"Yeah, I've had a lot of support from people who love me." She had said it to hurt him and she could tell by the way he winced that she had hit her mark.  
  
"Good, I'm glad. He said you were doing very well now." He repeated. He paused for a moment as if weighing his next words carefully. "He said you've come to school several days with bruises." You could hear a pin drop. There was complete silence and Dawn floundered with what to say. She looked towards the door wanting desperately to run and find Spike so he could make all this stop.  
  
" Training." Dawn said quickly. Giles and Buffy sighed in relief.  
  
"Training? For what, boxing?" Hank asked with suspicion.  
  
"Uh, yeah actually. Kick boxing. For self defense." Dawn added. She had completely pulled all of this out of the air of course. She and Spike hadn't even begun to train yet but at least it had given her the idea for the current lie.  
  
"Wow. That's something. Well I guess that would explain the bruises then huh?" He almost sounded disappointed. "It seems like everything is going pretty good here then. I don't know if Buffy told you but Social Services called me the other day. They said they had some concerns about you. They had been in touch with your principal and the guidance counselor. They said you'd missed some school lately and looked as if you'd been in a fight." Hank explained.  
  
"I was sick. I only missed a few days. They're obviously over-reacting. I'm fine and I haven't been out for weeks now. Dad, really, I'm fine. There is nothing going on that you should worry about. Buffy is taking good care of me." It was hard to get that out considering what had gone on in the past few weeks but she was learning to lie very well. She heard a snort from the kitchen.  
  
"I know honey I'm just worried about you." Dawn felt her face go red. He was worried about her? Since when! She hadn't talked to him once in years. He had cut them off even before her mother had gotten sick. And now he was worried about her? She had tried to be good, really she had. But she just couldn't let it go anymore.  
  
"Yeah, well don't start now. You can go back to LA and continue on because we're all just fine here. You can leave a check behind though cause all we really need from you is money. That way you don't have to be emotionally involved." Dawn said harshly. Buffy kind of felt sorry for the guy. He looked like he'd been sucker punched. But what did he honestly expect?  
  
"Dawn, please sweetie, don't be like that..."  
  
Buffy let her eyes slide shut. This was not going to be pretty.  
  
"Don't be like that? Who are you trying to kid, huh? I can't even begin to tell you how angry I am at you. You don't even want me to start cause it could go on for days!" Dawn's voice rose the more she got into it. She was perched on the edge of her seat as if any minute she would jump at him.  
  
"It must be so easy for you. You just go through every day pretending we don't even exist. We called every single day for weeks, left messages with everyone in your office and half of Spain. We needed you! How can you not see that? We needed our father. And you didn't come. You never called or anything. I mean how could you do that to us? How could any father do that to his children? Okay, so you didn't get along with mom. That I get but we're yours! And now you come down here with vague accusations and hidden threats. No, I don't think so. Just get up, get in your car and go back to pretending you don't have a family." She spat out at him before jumping up and running out of the room.  
  
Hank made to go after her but Buffy knew Spike would be taking care of it. She reached out a hand and laid it firmly on his arm. He was surprised when she actually held him in his seat.  
  
"Don't. I told you this would happen. I warned you and you insisted anyway." Buffy reminded him. He looked at her with pain filled eyes and sat back burying his head in his hands.  
  
Dawn ran by Spike so fast he didn't have time to reach out and catch her. She was down the steps before he finally slipped an arm around her waist to stop her. She fought him briefly but he just held on until all the fight went out of her and she sagged against him crying. He'd heard the whole thing of course and had been cheering her on with every truth that left her mouth but he had known it was leading to a meltdown.  
  
"Shhh, pet. It's all right now. You're all right. He's not worth it, luv. Not worth a bit of this." He hadn't meant for it to come out so rough but he couldn't help it. He was livid that her father had the power to tear her apart like this. The rage was welling up and the demon in him was urging him to go inside and make a meal of one Hank Summers. He could feel his face shifting and he tried to shake it away.  
  
He felt soft hands against his cheeks suddenly and looked down to find Dawn gazing up at him with frightened blue eyes.  
  
"You're right, he's not worth it." She agreed, running her fingers over the ridges in his face until they melted away.  
  
"I know I should feel nothing. I shouldn't even care but no matter how much I tell myself that he's not really my father it still hurts that he could do this to us. Too many memories. There are just so many. And now, it's as if I don't matter. I'm not worth loving to him." Her voice echoed with an overwhelming sadness. She had not lost just one parent but both of them. Spike hugged her to him so tight she whimpered.  
  
"Don't you believe that for a second. He's a selfish bastard and has been all his life I'd wager. People like him don't really love anything or anyone but themselves. It has nothing to do with you." He said fiercely pressing light kisses on top of her dark hair. She buried her face in the cotton of his shirt and tried to draw from him the love she needed to feel right now.  
  
That's how Buffy found them, wrapped around each other in the glow of the kitchen light. She stepped out of their line of sight for a moment to gather herself together. Everyone thought she was so strong, that she could deal with all this without someone to lean on, but it just wasn't so. She desperately wished it were her enfolded in his arms and being told how much she was loved. Through all of this her father had not once apologized to her for not being there. His only interest seemed to be in Dawn and it cut through her deeply. Buffy was his real daughter and he didn't even care what she thought of the whole situation. She took a deep breath and brushed at the tears threatening to spill over. She stepped into the doorway and cleared her throat. Spike looked over his shoulder and saw her. He lifted Dawn's chin with one finger and whispered something to her. Again, Buffy felt the jealousy turn in her. With her hand in his, Spike pulled Dawn up on the porch.  
  
Buffy smiled weakly at Dawn and gave her a brief hug of her own.  
  
"Is he still here?" The younger Summers asked.  
  
"Yeah, he's talking with Giles. He's not gonna stick around much longer. I think he realized how stupid it was to even come here. They're discussing our finances. He at least wants to step up where money is concerned. But who knows how long that will last. Once he gets back to LA we'll probably never hear from him again." Buffy couldn't control the angry bitterness of her tone. She knew she should probably curb it in front of Dawn but she didn't want to pretend she was happy with their father either.  
  
"Well let's get the goodbyes over with so he can leave us alone." Dawn headed toward the den leaving Buffy and Spike alone. They shuffled nervously around each other until Buffy finally spoke.  
  
"Thank you for being there for her. I know this has been quite a shock for her."  
  
"And for you too." Spike added. He could see the lines of strain around her eyes and mouth. She looked drained.  
  
"Yeah, I gotta admit he was the one thing I was not expecting to be hit with." She gripped her upper arms and rubbed at the sudden chill.  
  
"You handled it all really well Buffy. You kept your cool and let him see that it's not just you who's disappointed in him. It needed to come from Dawn for him to believe it. I know it hasn't been easy. Especially when you have it in your power to really hurt him." She let her eyes fall shut. He understood. He'd understood this whole time. She couldn't stop her lower lip from trembling and several tears from slipping out. She felt his cool palm against her face. She opened her eyes and saw the uncertainty on his face.  
  
"Buffy, I want to but ...." He started but she shook her head quickly and his hand fell away.  
  
"I know. This is my fault. I made it this way. I know you would be my comforter too if I hadn't made you afraid of the consequences of showing me any kindness."  
  
"Are you guys coming?" Dawn asked from the doorway. Buffy gave him a longing look and then turned to follow Dawn. She would have to find solace somewhere else.  
  
The two girls entered the living room just as Hank was standing to go. He came to stand in front of them and didn't exactly know what to do after that.  
  
"Well, I'll let Social Services know that I don't think anything is wrong here. And I'm gonna start sending a check every week to help with expenses, and not just the ones for Dawn. For you too Buffy. Mr. Giles informed me of what you need so I'll be helping out with that from now on." They all just stood there not knowing what was supposed to come next.  
  
"I know I messed up. I understand you're angry with me but I hope you'll at least talk to me if I call every now and then. I'm not gonna try to intrude on your lives. I'm past being completely forgiven I think but I'd like some contact with you if that's acceptable." Hank looked at his girls expectantly. Buffy gave Dawn a brief glance and then nodded.  
  
"Okay then, I guess that's it. Mr. Giles it was nice to meet you again." The two men shook hands. "Buffy take care of yourself and Dawnie. I'll call next week." There were no hugs exchanged and Buffy wasn't about to count on anything from him. He waved again as he disappeared down the sidewalk to his car.  
  
With a sigh of relief, Buffy shut the door. They all went back into the den and crashed on various surfaces. Buffy and Giles made it to the couch and Dawn to the armchair. Spike finally came back into the room.  
  
"Well, I guess it went pretty well then. He left money and got off with a slight set down from Dawn. Could have been worse I guess." Spike said from the doorway. He was a little angry that Hank had walked away without an ass kicking.  
  
"Yeah, well the state still looks down on murder and even beating someone to a bloody pulp." Buffy answered sarcastically.  
  
"I'm just glad he's gone." Dawn said softly. Spike walked over to the chair she was sitting in and perched on the arm to be closer to her.  
  
"I second that." Giles added, removing his glasses to clean then on the hem of his shirt.  
  
They all sat in a comfortable silence just contemplating what could have happened and being glad they had all escaped from this unscathed. Spike finally stood.  
  
"Well, it's been fun but it's getting late and Dawn's got school tomorrow."  
  
"Actually, Spike I think I'll crash here tonight." She said, grasping his hand in hers and begging him with her eyes to understand. She didn't want Buffy to be alone. Her sister had too much on her shoulders and no one to unburden herself on. Dawn wanted to be there for at least this. He squeezed her hand to let her know he got it.  
  
"Okay, that's fine. Do you need anything from the apartment?" He asked.  
  
"No, I'm all right. I'll come by after school tomorrow, okay?" He nodded and after goodbyes to Buffy and Giles he left, but not to go home, at least not yet. He had some unfinished business to take care of. He took off after the car that had just recently pulled out of Buffy's driveway.  
  
Hank Summers was staying at one of the nicer hotels in Sunnydale. Spike followed him up to his room and watched as he inserted his key and disappeared inside. With an evil grin, Spike headed to the liquor store nearby. He stole 3 bottles of cheap whiskey and let himself into Hank's car. He poured generous amounts of alcohol over the upholstery and in the floorboards and hid the bottles under the seat. Next, he used a pocketknife to slash all four tires. He then proceeded to shatter the windshield with a nice sized rock from the parking lot. Yeah it was juvenile but he never claimed to be mature. And it sure as hell made him feel better. He would have set the thing on fire but he didn't want the whole place burning to the ground although that would be fun too. He might not be able to lay a finger on this guy but there were more ways than one to hurt somebody.  
  
He stood for just a moment admiring his handy work and then glanced up at the night sky.  
  
"That one's for you Joyce."  
  
Feeing a little better about the way the night had turned out, he straightened his duster and headed back to his empty apartment.  
  
After his patrol of the grounds, Spike wound up on the couch in front of the TV but it was no fun without Dawn there. He paced around the apartment a few times before finally giving up and going to her room. He opened the door and breathed in the scent of her. He went further in and sat down on the bed glancing around the room at all her things. He noticed that the room she'd made here was a lot less little girlish than her room at home. She'd chosen warm colors and Ansel Adams prints for her walls. She said they made her feel sad somehow, done in black and white with solitary settings. Places you'd go to escape. He wished he could take her there now.  
  
He got up and went back to the den. He thought about heading out to the bar. He hadn't seen Clem in forever and his poker game was pathetic. But somehow he didn't have the motivation. It was so quiet here without her. So empty. He lasted until around three am and then he couldn't take it anymore. He headed out the door and walked the short distance to Buffy's house. He was up the trellis at the back of the house and easing Dawn's window open before anyone could notice anything strange. He wondered if she'd left the window open just for him. He slipped into the cool room and his eyes adjusted quickly to the weak moonlit space. He could see her outlined under the comforter.  
  
He moved to the bed and watched her as he did almost every night. He knew what she'd said the night before. No more. But this wasn't sexual; this was a different thing all together. He needed to be near her, to hear her breathe. He needed the scent of her surrounding him. He needed to be touching her. He crawled into the bed behind her after taking off his coat and kicking off his boots. He wrapped his arms around her and smiled against her hair as she snuggled back against him sighing in her sleep. He knew he shouldn't be tired. His bedtime was about three hours away but just being here with her relaxed him to the point of being able to drift off.  
  
Buffy woke suddenly in the next room. She could swear she had heard something. She pushed the covers off and got to her door opening it slowly. She didn't hear anything now. She walked out into the hallway and went downstairs to check the doors. Everything was locked up tight. She walked back up the steps, her feet cold against the wood, and decided to check in on Dawn before going back to her room.  
  
They'd had a really good talk after Spike and Giles left even laughing a little at their father's expense. It was good to have her home again.  
  
Buffy turned the knob and pushed the door open slightly so that just a tiny bit of light could enter the room. Her heart sunk at what she found. She saw the black boots first and then the coat lying across Dawn's desk chair. Her eyes went next to the bed and could see Spike's arm thrown over her sister's waist and holding her tightly to him. She stifled the tears that welled up and tried to swallow the lump in her throat. He hadn't been here before. She'd checked on Dawn just two hours ago. He hadn't been able to do without her for even one night. God, that should be her. He should be lying in her bed under passion-warmed blankets whispering about everything and nothing so as not to wake Dawn.  
  
She wouldn't disturb them. She wasn't going to be the bad guy in this and push him further away. She closed the door and leaned her forehead against the wood. She fought back the grief and after a few deep breaths she lifted her head and went back to her room. Sleep was a long time coming.  
  
TBC 


	22. Chapter 22

Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 22  
  
Author: Dawn  
  
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks that there is nothing left. S/D friendship. Takes place after "As You Were". AU after that.  
  
Spoilers: Anything before "As You Were" is fair game.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: Joss still owns it and I want new episodes!  
  
Distribution: Anywhere but please ask first.  
  
Author's Note: You guys are the best! I took this off of fanfic.net for reasons that are known to most everyone and you protested loudly enough that I will put it back. Thanks to everyone who supported me in this. This new chapter is for all you guys who e-mailed to tell me how much you loved the story and missed it. Special thanks to blueamber.  
  
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Dawn woke chilled and shivering a little. She looked over to see that the window was open and the cold morning breeze was ruffling the gauzy curtains. She stretched slowly and yelped as she felt an arm sneak around her waist, hitting the bare skin where her shirt had ridden up. She glanced back to see Spike spooned up to her sleeping soundly. When had he gotten here? She shifted a little to feel his arm run over the smooth skin of her stomach. She knew what she'd told him. No more physical intimacy but she couldn't help pushing it a little seeing as how he was asleep.  
  
She rolled over in his arms until she was facing him. She starred longingly at his full bottom lip and it took everything in her not to reach over and taste him. He looked so young lying here in her bed. Dark, sooty lashes lay like half moons against his pale face and he took deep, un- needed breaths out of undying habit. She wouldn't kiss him but she couldn't help but touch him. She traced the sharp line of his cheekbone with her fingertip and ran it over his mouth. He sighed softly.  
  
God, she loved him so much. If only this was real. His eyes fluttered open slowly and a sleepy grin spread across his face.  
  
"Mornin', luv." His voice was deep and scratchy with sleep and her body responded whether she wanted it to or not.  
  
"Hey. Want to tell me what you're doing in my bedroom?" She asked with mock indignation.  
  
"Lost my blanky?" He answered. Her laugh filled the room.  
  
"And you thought you left it in my bed?" She asked still smiling.  
  
"No, I left you in your bed and I sleep much better with you."  
  
The smile disappeared from her face and Spike immediately regretted his words.  
  
"Spike.."  
  
"No, it's okay. I'm sorry. I know what you said and I'm gonna try, really I am. But when we're like this," he pulled her slender body flush against his and she gasped softly at the feel of his obvious arousal pressing against her hip, "it's hard to remember." He finished in a whisper.  
  
She wanted to give in. Wanted to let him sweep her into his arms and ravish her until she couldn't walk but she had made her decision and even now she thought it was best. They needed time. Time to see what they really wanted, what he really wanted. If he and Buffy were over then there needed to be a period of adjustment for both of them.  
  
"You're not making this easy." She accused but did not move away.  
  
"Don't want to. Don't like this whole bloody scenario. I know what I want. But if you want to wait and give it time, that's what I'll do. Won't like it but I'll do it." He said gruffly.  
  
She wanted to believe him. Wanted to believe that he had chosen her but in that niggling part of her brain she just couldn't. She just didn't trust that he was truly over her sister. He was going to have to convince her. And she was going to have to have faith in him.  
  
"I gotta get ready for school."  
  
"I'm not stopping you." He smirked squeezing her hip briefly. She rolled her eyes and pulled away to get out of bed.  
  
"You'd better leave before Buffy finds out you're here." She went to her dresser to find clothes and could hear him getting up behind her. She heard the thump of his boots as he pulled them on and the rustle of worn leather as he shrugged into his coat. When she turned back around he was fully dressed and ready to run for the sewer entrance near the house.  
  
"You're coming to the apartment after school right?" He asked hopefully. She couldn't help smile at the earnest look on his face.  
  
"Yeah. I told Buffy I wouldn't be back here till the weekend so you'll have me around a little longer." She assured him. He moved toward her until they were nose to nose.  
  
"If I have my way, I'll have you around a lot longer than that, pet." She could see the determination in his eyes and a delighted shiver ran through her. Maybe she was beginning to believe him already. Before she could protest, he leaned in for a quick, hard kiss and then he was gone. She blinked several times and tried to get her legs to move. So much for no physical intimacy. If Spike was determined to have her she knew he'd stop at nothing to make it happen. There was no standing up to the force of Spike's desire or his love. If she could only have both she'd let him have any of her he wanted.  
  
After grabbing a quick shower and getting dressed, Dawn walked in to the kitchen to find Buffy already there, sitting at the island having cereal. She was a little worried when her big sister didn't say good morning and wouldn't meet her gaze. She got her own bowl and filled it up, taking the seat beside her.  
  
"Buffy are you okay?" Dawn asked tired of the silent treatment and confused by it as well. Buffy looked over at her and Dawn was surprised by the dark circles and tired lines around her eyes.  
  
"Didn't sleep as good as you probably." Buffy tried to keep the bitterness out of her voice but it was difficult.  
  
"Did I do something?"  
  
"God, I hope not." Buffy whispered.  
  
"Buffy, what is up? You're driving me nuts. I come in and you don't speak and now you're giving me cryptic answers." She couldn't help but lose her temper a little. She wanted to start this whole trying to be sisters again out on the right foot but Buffy was making it difficult.  
  
"I'm sorry. I'm just...I didn't sleep good. I guess all that stuff with Dad and..my mind was just racing a mile a minute. It's not your fault. I'm sorry, sweetie." Buffy ran a hand down her hair and tried to force a smile. Dawn nodded but she knew that wasn't it. Something was definitely wrong.  
  
"If you say so." She turned her attention back to her food.  
  
"What do you say with dinner and movie tonight when I get off work?" Buffy asked hopefully. She could already tell by the guilty look on Dawn's face that it wasn't going to happen.  
  
"I kind of promised Spike I'd be there after school today."  
  
"When did you see him?" Buffy couldn't help but think 'hah caught her'.  
  
"I talked to him on the phone."  
  
Dammit. Foiled again.  
  
"Oh. Well, maybe tomorrow night then." Buffy suggested, taking her half empty bowl to the sink.  
  
"Yeah, maybe tomorrow." Dawn said a little to brightly. Buffy turned and rested her hip against the counter deciding to switch the conversation entirely.  
  
"So have you thought about what you want to do for your birthday? It's only a couple of weeks away now."  
  
"God, I almost forgot about it. I hadn't really thought about it at all honestly." Dawn admitted. Her sixteenth birthday and it had completely slipped her mind.  
  
"Well I guess I'll just surprise you then." Buffy smiled slightly.  
  
"Just make sure there are no cartoon characters on the cake and no clowns. Xander's scarred to death of clowns." Dawn reminded her sister smiling.  
  
"Gotcha."  
  
"Well, I better get to school. Don't want Social Services letting Dad know I was five minutes late." Dawn said sarcastically. She grabbed her bag and headed out the door.  
  
Janice pounced on her the minute she got to school.  
  
"Are you okay? You took off so fast yesterday. What happened? Who was the man in the office? Is this about that guy you're living with?"  
  
Dawn put up a hand to stop the litany of words pouring from her friend's mouth.  
  
"Slow down, Janice. First of all I'm fine. The guy was my dad and no it had nothing to do with Spike. Everything is all settled. No more freaked out Dawn, I swear."  
  
"Good." They two girls linked arms and made their way to class.  
  
Dawn got to Spike's around four. She was kind of surprised he hadn't been there to pick her up. The house was dark with all the curtains closed and there were no lights on. She walked through the living room and started down the hall towards his room. It was empty.  
  
"Spike?" She called out in the empty apartment. Her mind started tripping over all the possibilities for reasons he wasn't here. Was he hurt? Had he forgotten she was coming over? It didn't seem likely. He'd been so excited this morning at the prospect.  
  
Suddenly she heard the front door slam and she raced back into the living room.  
  
"Oh, thank God." She breathed as she threw herself at him. Spike caught her and dropped the stuff he'd been carrying.  
  
"What's up, luv?" He asked worried, holding her to him. She pulled back slightly so she could see his face.  
  
"I thought something had happened. You're weren't here and I thought..."  
  
"I'm okay. I just went out to get some stuff and I didn't realize the time. I'm sorry, pet." He brushed her hair back from her face.  
  
"It's okay. I'm just jumpy I guess. What'd you get?" She asked quizzically, the whole incident forgotten now that he was here and with presents.  
  
"Got your favorite." He reached down and picked up one of the bags he's been carrying.  
  
"Japanese." She said dreamily. Buffy rarely got it for them because it was so expensive. She took if from him and walked to the kitchen for a fork. She set herself up on the couch.  
  
"I also got you these." Lilies suddenly appeared in front of her face. She gasped and took the still wet flowers in her hands.  
  
"Spike, they're beautiful. Thank you so much. What's the occasion?" She looked behind her where he was leaning on the couch.  
  
"Think of it as a going away present I guess if I really need a reason."  
  
She nodded and went to find a vase. The previous owner had left some thankfully cause she knew Spike wasn't the kind of guy to keep them around.  
  
He was sitting on the couch when she returned. She plopped down beside him and took his hand.  
  
"You okay?" She asked softly. He smirked and looked over.  
  
"Course I am. What could possibly be wrong?" He asked with more than a little bitterness edging his tone.  
  
"Buffy wanted to have a sister thing tonight but I told her you had already asked me to come over. I think she knew you were there last night. She was like bad cop this morning."  
  
He just shrugged. She wondered what had changed his mood so quickly from earlier that day.  
  
"She knows how I feel. She doesn't like it that things are changing and not for her benefit."  
  
"Wow, I think that's the first time you've said something semi negative about Buffy since we..." She didn't finish. He knew what she meant.  
  
"Things are different now." He reached up to trace her face gently. "Lots of things." He whispered, holding her gaze until she got flustered and had to look away. He dropped his hand and sighed.  
  
"You know, the brooding is reminding me of someone neither one of us is very fond of."  
  
Spike raised one scarred eyebrow and sat up straight.  
  
"Hey now, none of that. Not nice to call people names. But just in case, the brooding stops now I swear. You and me are gonna have a grand ol' time this week. I'm gonna make sure of it." He promised. And he never went back on a promise.  
  
TBC 


	23. Chapter 23

Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 23  
  
Author: Dawn  
  
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks that there is nothing left. S/D Takes place after "As You Were". AU after that.  
  
Spoilers: Anything before "As You Were" is fair game.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: Joss still owns it.  
  
Distribution: Anywhere but please ask first and keep my name attached.  
  
Author's Note: Let's just ignore him/her. Maybe he/she will go away. Thanks to everyone else for the support.  
  
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Spike made good on his promise. Every day when Dawn got home from school they would wait for the sun to go down and then the fun would begin. One night they snuck onto the carousel at the boardwalk and Spike hotwired it. They got more than a little dizzy from the length of time they spent on it and from the heated kisses he stole from her. He even managed to break into one of the concession places and rig the cotton candy machine. Sometimes felony was fun.  
  
The next night they headed to the beach, only this time they took a blanket and little camping lamp. They lay on the soft wool starring up at the clear night sky and talking about a lot of things. He questioned her about what she wanted in her future and she asked about his past. She knew he glossed over a lot of it. That was a big change from before, when he'd considered her a child. He used to try and scare her with all the horrible things he'd done, not refraining from telling her of all the people he'd killed and the nightmarish things he'd been a part of when he was hanging with Angelus and Darla. Now he wanted her to see him as a man, not a monster.  
  
And even though they both tried, it was hard not to grasp hands under the fingernail sliver of moon. And she didn't protest when he would run his fingers through her hair or over some part of her exposed skin, whether it be her face or arms. He seemed to want to touch her at all times and it was nice to be touched. Her family had never been very affectionate physically. She should have known then that she didn't belong there.  
  
The next night, against all her better judgment considering she was falling asleep in class everyday now, they hopped on the bike and headed to L.A. He took her to a little club in a part of town she never would have ventured into alone. But it was actually a really nice place. It was small and very intimate and they didn't even card her when Spike ordered her a fruity mixed drink.  
  
"Just for tonight, luv. Don't want you turning into a raging alcoholic." He'd joked. But underneath all his quips lately was a sadness she couldn't dispel. She tried to reassure him that little would change but even she knew it wouldn't be the same when they weren't living together. Like this, they never had to ask Buffy's permission. Little outings like this would have to wait for the weekend. Buffy would be a constant part of their lives again starting on Sunday. And unbelievable to Dawn, he didn't seem to like the idea at all. She gained hope with every day that he was telling her the truth when he said he and Buffy were over. They slow danced till Spike pulled away reluctantly and told her they had to leave or they'd never make it home before the sun came up.  
  
Friday night he took her out again. He went under cover as a normal human being dressed in khaki's, a white t-shirt and a leather jacket. He looked so good she knew she was drooling. He took her to a small Italian place with real tablecloths and a wine list. She was impressed he even knew about a place like that. Afterward he let her pick the movie but just for him she chose something action packed with lots of explosions. It was while they were coming out of the movie that they ran into the one person they had been trying to avoid all week and a reality check that neither wanted.  
  
Buffy apologized quickly as she helped Dawn pick up her spilled purse and Buffy nearly had a coronary when she looked up and realized who she'd run into and how Spike was dressed. He'd dressed nice for her once. That night at the Bronze a lifetime ago when he'd taken her to stake out a non- lead to a vampire feeding frenzy on a train. Right about the time he'd chained her to a wall and told her he was drowning in her. He'd apparently swum to shore and found a new lake. He was holding Dawn's hand tightly in his own and didn't drop it, even under Buffy's accusing glare.  
  
"Hey you two. What's up?" Buffy could tell Dawn was nervous. She couldn't stand still and when she spoke her voice shook. They'd never gotten around to their sister's night out because Dawn hadn't come home from school once that week. She'd called to check on Buffy but she was determined it seemed to stay at Spike's until midnight on Saturday.  
  
"Spike took me to a movie." She said quietly trying her best to control the tremor in her voice. She didn't know why but she felt almost guilty.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Spike asked suddenly. He didn't see a guy so he figured it wasn't a date. Was she following them? Had she been all week? He hadn't felt her presence but then again he hadn't exactly been trying as hard as he used too. If she had been far enough away, Dawn's nearness would have clouded any sense he would have gotten of her.  
  
"Out patrolling actually. About four of the cemeteries are down this way, remember?" Her tone indicated that she wanted him to feel bad about abandoning their nightly excursions to kill the bad guys. He couldn't muster the guilt. In fact, he'd barely thought of her at all in the last week. Wow, that was something to note. For the first time in six years, Buffy Summers hadn't been on his mind in some capacity. In the beginning, he'd thought of nothing but killing her and at the end of nothing but shagging her. A week without worrying about her at all had been freeing to say the least.  
  
He didn't respond to her obvious jab at him. He tuned her out and started to look around at the people filing out of the theater and left Dawn to talk to her sister.  
  
"So, you two having fun?" Buffy asked much too sweetly.  
  
"Yeah, we are. We're gonna head home now I think. I'm kind of beat and I still have to pack up some stuff before..." She glanced over to Spike and saw the muscle in his jaw clench. He was listening after all.  
  
"Well, I gotta get going anyway. Don't want the vamps to think I'm not around to play tonight." She waved briefly, eyeing Spike up and down like a starved man looking at a T-bone steak and then she walked away.  
  
Dawn let out a pent up breath and looked over to find Spike starring after her sister. But the look in his eyes was anything but lustful. He looked like he wanted to pummel her.  
  
"What's wrong?" Dawn asked squeezing his hand gently. He finally tore his gaze from Buffy's retreating back and looked down into Dawn's worried blue eyes. He smiled reassuringly.  
  
"Not a thing, pet. Just wondering how long she's been following us is all."  
  
"You think she has?  
  
"Don't know. She's playing it pretty cool but I have my suspicions." He answered honestly.  
  
Dawn turned but could no longer see Buffy in the darkness. She shivered slightly at the thought of her sister spying on her. It's not that she was afraid of Buffy, but the idea that her sister had seen the private moments Dawn and Spike had shared over the last week creeped her out and made her more than a little angry.  
  
"Guess we should have put on more of a show, huh?" Dawn asked with a wicked gleam in her eye. Spike smiled slowly. There were more and more things he was beginning to love about this girl.  
  
"We could start right now if you'd like, pet." He drawled, pulling her slight frame against him. She laughed lightly and put her hands up to push against the solid wall of his chest.  
  
"For Buffy, not for the fifty people standing here starring at us."  
  
Spike looked behind them at the small crowd milling around. No one was paying much attention to him or her but he released her anyway. Buffy having spoiled the mood between them, they decided to go home after all. Spike led Dawn to the motorcycle and handed her the helmet he insisted she wear. She climbed on behind him and wrapped her arms around his thin waist as he kicked down to start the bike. They roared out of the parking lot and towards the apartment.  
  
It was as they were driving home that the first in a long line of strange events began to happen. Spike could feel the heat of Dawn's arms through the cotton of his shirt but most of his attention was focused on the road ahead of him. He was extra careful when she was a passenger, taking the curves slower and keeping it at the speed limit.  
  
So, he was completely unprepared when a shock of what he could only guess was electricity surged through his body. He didn't even have time to yell. He couldn't let go of the handlebars as the energy coursed through him nearly gluing his hands down but he had no control over the machine. The bike careened off the side of the road, spilling both of its passengers and finally hitting a tree. They hadn't been going fast but it was fast enough to seriously injure anyone.  
  
Spike lay there for several minutes actually gasping for breath and trying to grow accustomed to what had to be his heart pounding in his chest. He could feel the scrapes and abrasions all over his body and he groaned as he tried to move. His only thought was finding Dawn. The strange sensation in his chest stopped and he sat up slowly. It was very dark here with very few streetlights and no houses along this stretch of road.  
  
He searched around frantically and finally stood shakily and began combing the roadside for any sign of Dawn.  
  
"Dawn!" He yelled hoarsely into the darkness. There was no reply. He vamped out hoping to find her better that way but he simply couldn't. He hadn't cried in a long time. Had very rarely felt completely helpless either but at this moment he just wanted to sit in the middle of the road and wail. She had to be here somewhere. She couldn't have just disappeared. And what the hell had they run over that had caused such a massive amount of energy to hit them?  
  
Finally, he saw something far from the road in a field that bordered the pavement. He ran and leapt over the low fence to the bundle lying motionless in the cool, damp grass. He landed on his knees beside it and with shaking hands turned it over.  
  
"Oh, God," he whispered. It was Dawn. She too was covered in abrasions from her delicate skin hitting the unforgiving asphalt. But more than any scrape, his eyes were drawn to the blackened circle that seemed to cover her entire torso. The shirt she'd been wearing was burnt away showing the charred skin beneath. He reached out as if to touch it but drew his hand back quickly when he realized what he'd been about to do. He looked to her face and strained his hearing trying to pick up on a heartbeat. It was there but very faint. Her face was deathly pale and how had she wound up so far from the road?  
  
Panic was quickly setting in so Spike checked her over for broken bones and then carefully picked her up and started the long walk to where Giles was staying. He would know what to do. He was the expert on weird occurrences, right? Spike kept repeating it to himself over and over.  
  
He didn't even feel the strain on his abused body as he found himself in front of the door to the hotel room Giles was staying in for the time being. He had no hands free to knock so he yelled out the Watcher's name until the door flew open.  
  
"Good Lord, Spike, there are people trying to sleep and ..." The words stopped as the man finally realized whom the vampire was carrying.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
Spike pushed past the confused Watcher and made his way over to the bed. He laid Dawn's prone form gently on the comforter and grabbed a blanket from the closet to cover her bared chest. Giles was beside him in seconds.  
  
"Spike, what happened?" His voice was firmer now and full of the promise of violence if the vampire didn't start talking. Spike took his arm and pulled him away from the bed.  
  
"You got me, Rupert. That's why I'm here. We were coming home on the motorcycle and all of a sudden this surge of electricity hit us and sent us flying. Her literally." He said, pointing to the bed.  
  
"I found her far from the road where I landed so I figure she must have been hit first and then it went through her to me."  
  
The Watcher had already removed his glasses and was rubbing his forehead in consternation.  
  
"Were there any downed power lines?"  
  
"No. I think I would have noticed before running over a sparking piece of cable." Spike answered sarcastically. Giles just gave him a look and then walked back over to where Dawn still lay unmoving. He knelt down and looked back over his shoulder to Spike.  
  
"I'm going to have to take a look at these burns. Why don't you get the bucket and go to the ice machine down the hall?" He suggested. He needed the distraught man out of the room while he looked over Dawn's injuries and Spike was just too protective for it to go well. The younger looking man grabbed the plastic container and stormed out of the room.  
  
Giles turned his attention back to Buffy's little sister and carefully removed the blanket. He closed his eyes briefly, unable to deal with the sight of charred skin or the smell of it. He opened his eyes again and went to work, mentally cataloging her injuries. The skin around the edges of the burn were already starting to heal and turning a soft pink. Whatever it was, it had burnt through her skin and clothes in seconds. Giles went to the phone to call Buffy. She needed to be here.  
  
Spike had to go all the way down to the lobby from the fourth floor to get ice. He didn't notice the strange looks he got from the people he past on the way. He had no idea the picture he presented with his skin missing from several places and his clothes ripped and hanging off his lean frame. He was cursing loudly by the time he made it back up to Giles' floor. He continued the litany when he opened the door to find Buffy bending over Dawn.  
  
He wanted so badly to slam the door but he restrained himself for Dawn's sake. He strode forward and shoved the ice into Giles' hands, glaring at him.  
  
"How'd you get here so fast?" Spike asked roughly of Buffy.  
  
"I drove Mom's jeep." She answered, not even looking up.  
  
"So, what happened?" Spike asked Giles pointedly. The Watcher sank into a chair beside the bed and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.  
  
"Tell him Giles. Tell him what you told me." Buffy's voice sounded hollow. It was as if she'd heard more than she could take and it had just sucked the life out of her. She sounded like she had when she'd come back from the dead.  
  
Spike turned back to Giles and started to clench his fists trying to control the urge to punch the man.  
  
"Giles tell him." Buffy could feel Spike's frustration and she didn't want this to turn into a brawl.  
  
"I have a theory." Groans were heard from the two other conscious people in the room.  
  
"Here me out. Dawn's body is a shell that houses an ancient energy. As far as I can tell from reading about the Key it has never before been housed in human flesh. The monks were desperate to protect it and that being so they put the Key where they believed it would be safe. Thus, Dawn was born. However, from what the monk at the factory told Buffy it was done in haste and probably not thought out very well."  
  
"Giles, if you value your life please get to the point." Spike warned.  
  
"Yes, yes of course. I imagine the energy in her body is trying to get out. Who knows how long the monks meant for their spell to last? Who knows if the energy of the Key can even be contained? Yes, it has so far but it was a precedent so we have no idea how long it was meant to last, if was meant to at all." There was complete silence in the room.  
  
Spike felt as if he had somehow left his body and was simply watching these events from another place. He could not wrap his mind around what Giles was trying to tell them. Dawn was dying, her body unable to house the energy inside of it. She would eventually what? Explode? Burn away to nothing? The thought was too sickening for even him to think on.  
  
He finally found his voice.  
  
"So you're saying that they may have known this when they did the spell? This is what? Some kind of self destruct button?" He ground out harshly. Giles threw up his hands.  
  
"I don't know. This is all conjecture. I could be completely wrong. Perhaps you were both hit by lightning." Giles snapped. Spike stepped forward but Buffy was there to put a restraining hand on his arm. He looked down at her and his undead heart began to ache with the pain he saw in them. He could tell she was hovering on a complete breakdown and only barely keeping it together. She had lost so much already and now the world was threatening to take away the only thing she had to hold on to. Life was shit and then you die. He understood that now.  
  
His hand came up without thought and cupped her face. He could see the tears welling there just waiting to be let out.  
  
"Where do you get this theory, Watcher?" Spike asked, not taking his eyes or hand off Buffy.  
  
"The burning. It seems to have come from the inside out."  
  
"Wouldn't it have destroyed her organs? How is she still alive?" Buffy questioned, pulling away from the comfort she desperately needed. She couldn't fall apart now. That would come later.  
  
"I don't know, Buffy. This is all supernatural. Somehow Dawn managed to harness it back where it was and it left her with a huge mark at the point it tried to get out. If this happens again she may not be able to. I don't know how she was able to do it this time. It must be very powerful, being as old as it is." He looked down at the seemingly peaceful girl lying pale against the garish colors of the bedspread, a new respect for her springing to life inside him. He supposed he'd always seen this girl as somewhat of a nuisance, a constant irritation to Buffy and her training. Dawn had always been so jealous of all the attention Buffy received because she was the Slayer.  
  
When Glory had threatened however, Buffy had made it known how she really felt about her little sister. She had told him in no uncertain terms that if any of them tried to harm Dawn she would kill them. She'd also told him she didn't want to live in a world that would require her to kill her sibling just to save it.  
  
Then Buffy had died and Dawn had shrunk away from all of them except Spike of course. He knew she thought the less they saw of her the less they could blame her for what happened. And Giles was more than a little ashamed to admit that he had blamed her. Had wished more than once it had been her instead that had jumped from that rickety tower.  
  
Now, this same girl lay broken on his hotel bed. She could be gone at any moment and he was afraid. She had grown so much in the months after Buffy's death. She had become a person to be counted. She helped with research and with keeping Spike around and helpful. If not for his promise to protect Dawn, Giles knew that Spike would probably have bolted long ago.  
  
Giles needed his books.  
  
"I have to go to the magic shop. There are books there on the Key. I packed them away after all the Glory business was over but I'd better get back to them. Take her home. Watch her carefully and call me immediately if something happens."  
  
"Like what, she bursts into green fire?" Spike asked with a hard edge to his tone. Giles did not come back with an answer. He knew what this had to be doing to the vampire. His affection for Dawn was obvious and if what Buffy had been reporting to him was true it may have gone beyond that.  
  
"We'll call you." Buffy said softly. She felt odd in this role of peacemaker. She was always the one antagonizing and now she had to calm. Giles nodded and left quickly.  
  
Buffy turned to see Spike scooping up her sister in his arms as if she were made of glass. He turned and the fear in his eyes nearly felled her.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Spike." She could barely get the words out.  
  
"I have to take her home. Giles said so." His mind on autopilot, he could barely think straight. Get her home and take care of her as she had done for him so many times. He had to save her. There had to be a way. He could not live without her in this world.  
  
Buffy drove them in the Jeep. She did not argue about which home to take Dawn to because she knew Spike thought Dawn's home was with him. She followed behind him as he made his way to the bedroom. She once again held her tongue as he laid Dawn in his bed and not her own.  
  
"To keep her safe. Gotta watch her he said." Spike explained. Buffy nodded to his back. She felt as if she was intruding but she didn't want to leave in case something else did happen.  
  
She went to the kitchen and warmed a cup of blood for Spike, insisting that he eat to keep up his strength for Dawn's sake. It was then that she noticed how badly beaten up he was. She pointed it out to him and suggested he get cleaned up so he wouldn't frighten Dawn when she woke up. He did everything she asked but not for her sake, for her sister's.  
  
She cleaned and bandaged the burns while Spike was in the bathroom and took one of his button-down shirts from the drawer to put on her sister's frail form. She looked smaller somehow, lying in his large bed taking up so little room. Once done with all that she found her way to Dawn's bedroom and flipped on the lights. She moved forward until she was standing beside the bed. Very little of her sister's things from their house had made it over to this place except for one teddy bear that Dawn had clung to since she was five.  
  
Only that had never happened. Nothing of her sister was real until a year and half ago. Buffy lay on the soft down comforter and clutched the grungy bear to her chest. The tears came easily. She began to cry into the pillow so that no one would hear. Dawn couldn't die. Buffy simply didn't know if she could live through losing someone else she loved.  
  
Spike came out of the bathroom freshly showered and dressed in his familiar black jeans and T-shirt. He noticed that Buffy had cleaned and dressed Dawn's wounds and put one of his shirts on her. He crawled into the bed beside her and took her small, cold hand in his. He scooted as close as possible until his lips were at her ear.  
  
"Please don't leave me, pigeon. Please don't leave me alone. I need you here. If you go," his voice broke and he held back a sob, "if you go there is no reason for me to stay. If you go, I go too." He swore against the soft skin of her face.  
  
TBC 


	24. Chapter 24

Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 24  
  
Author: Dawn  
  
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks that there is nothing left. S/D Takes place after "As You Were". AU after that.  
  
Spoilers: Anything before "As You Were" is fair game.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: Joss still owns it.  
  
Distribution: Anywhere but please ask first and keep my name attached.  
  
Author's Note: Thanks to everyone for the great reviews. Special thanks to blueamber. Also, thank you for all the shouts to get off my butt and write this chapter. Let's me know you care.  
  
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Spike woke suddenly, gasping for unneeded breath and reaching over immediately to feel if Dawn was still there. She wasn't. Panic set in and Spike jumped from the bed. He searched the covers for some sign that she had burned away but there was nothing. He looked under the bed and when he stood he noticed the bathroom door was shut.  
  
Without knocking, he threw the door open to find Dawn standing in front of the floor length mirror holding her shirt up and starring in blank fascination at the mangled flesh of her stomach. She didn't even react to Spike's violent entrance.  
  
"Oh thank God," he let out a rush of air in relief and stepped behind her. It still felt odd to him after all these years not to see his own reflection looking back at him. He laid a shaking hand on her shoulder and she jumped at the contact.  
  
"Looks a sight better than it did last night." He assured her quietly. It didn't stop the tears tracking down her cheeks.  
  
"Hey now, none of that." He turned her until she was in his arms and he breathed deeply of her scent. She was alive. She was alive and hadn't left him. She sobbed into his shirt until it was drenched. He simply stood stroking her hair and reveling in the feel of her.  
  
"Shush now, pigeon. Just proves you're a tough bird to kill thas' all." He said soothingly. He knew that by tomorrow there would be no evidence at all that they had almost lost her. But he would never forget it.  
  
She sniffled and wiped at her face with the back of her hand until Spike reached over for a tissue. He dabbed at her tears and let her blow her nose and when the flood was over he reached a finger out to lift her chin.  
  
"Wanna get cleaned up, pet?"  
  
She nodded vigorously and that got a small chuckle out of him. He ran a hot bath for her while she went to find her sister in the other room. He heard Buffy squeal and figured maybe she'd be able to find out what happened. He hadn't wanted to push Dawn to talk about it quite yet but he knew how impatient Buffy would be. Before the tub was full, Dawn appeared again holding clean clothes and looking lost. Spike didn't like the glimpses he was getting of the fear and uncertainty in her eyes. Something had happened while she slept. He didn't know how he knew, he just did. He could see the wall go up when she noticed him watching her. She moved past him to lay the clothes on the seat of the toilet.  
  
He turned the water off and dried his hands on one of the towels hanging on the towel rack beside the tub.  
  
"You gonna be okay in here alone?"  
  
"You volunteering?" She came back quickly. He tried desperately not to get the picture she was painting but it was useless. He felt his body react and quickly dropped the towel down in front of him so she wouldn't see also.  
  
"I thought maybe big sis could give you a hand if you needed it."  
  
He saw her shoulders slump as she realized how hurtful she was being.  
  
"I'm sorry, Spike. I didn't mean to.."  
  
"I know, pet. It's okay. You've been through a lot and it's tough to know how to act. I got it. You get cleaned up and I'll make you some soup, all right?"  
  
Again she just nodded and he left the room, closing the door behind him. He entered the kitchen to find Buffy on the phone with Giles. At the sight of him, she ended the conversation abruptly and hung up. He ignored her and went to the fridge to see what he could come up with to feed Dawn.  
  
"Did she say anything?" Buffy asked worriedly.  
  
"She asked me to help with her bath. That what you wanted to know?" He knew he was being a complete git but he just didn't care. Something was wrong with Dawn and he couldn't help her. It was going to drive him around the bend if he couldn't get it out of her.  
  
Buffy gave him the evil eye and leaned back against the counter to watch him prepare Dawn's lunch.  
  
"She wouldn't tell me anything. Says she doesn't remember anything after leaving the theater. She's so quiet and withdrawn." Buffy rubbed at her bottom lip with the tip of her finger. A nervous gesture Spike was used to seeing with her.  
  
"Just give her time, Buffy. She almost died. You know what that's like. She'll tell us when she's good and ready." He said, not facing her through the whole conversation. He didn't want her to read the doubt in his eyes. Dawn's voice reached both of them as she called out for Spike. He dropped the knife he'd been holding and hurried into the bedroom. He nearly had heart failure (if that had been an option) when he stepped through the door.  
  
Dawn stood in the center of the room. Her hair was pulled up on top of her head and she was wearing nothing but a towel around her waist. She had her arms protectively over her breasts and she was red from embarrassment.  
  
"I need you to wrap my stomach again. I can't do anything. And it hurts like hell." She pouted. Spike tried to get a handle on himself and moved towards her slowly as if she were some kind of wild animal that could pounce any minute.  
  
"You could have called Buffy for this one, luv." His voice sounded odd even to him. He could barely talk past the lump in his throat.  
  
"She asks to many questions."  
  
He grabbed the burn ointment and bandages from the bathroom and stepped up to her. Her towel was hanging on for dear life to her slender hips. Her skin was flushed from the bath and tiny droplets of water slid down her body in different places. He had to force himself not to reach out and catch them with his tongue. He pushed his wayward and dangerous thoughts aside and gently covered her stomach with the salve. Every time she hissed in pain he grimaced as well.  
  
He wrapped it carefully and then stood back to survey his handiwork. He could only take being that close to a half naked woman for so long before it was just too much.  
  
"All done. You can put clothes on now, please." He added. He saw her stricken expression and knew he's obviously said the wrong thing.  
  
"I know I'm hideous. You don't have to rub it in." She was about to turn away when he caught her. She suddenly found herself pulled against his chest, the water from her still wet body soaking into the cotton of his shirt. His eyes were dark with lust and Dawn gasped slightly at the predatorial look he was giving her.  
  
Her arms had dropped away from her breasts in her surprise and they were now pressed against him, as was the rest of her. The brush of the soft cotton sent shivers of pleasure straight to her abdomen and lower.  
  
It was utterly amazing to him how much heat the human body could give off. He felt as if she were burning through him as his own skin warmed to hers.  
  
"Any other time I come in this room and find you like this I won't walk away. But right now you're hurt and upset. You're not hideous and if you don't put something on I can't be held responsible for what I do to prove you wrong." His voice was low and rough and she could see the war going on inside of him. She had pushed too far.  
  
In a way, she desperately wanted him to make good on his threat. Maybe that's why she'd let him see her like this. She could have put clothes on before he came in. Maybe subconsciously she just wanted to force him into action. She wanted to feel the pressure of his mouth on hers and his cool hands on her bare skin. She felt so strange and the dream she'd had while unconscious was picking at her brain until she thought she'd go mad. What if there was no time? What if she didn't take him up on his offer? Would she ever get the chance? She didn't want to die and never know the mind numbing passion that he promised. He would be her first. She had no doubt in her mind about that. The question was just when. And if the dream was real and what had been told to her was true, she didn't have a lot of time left. She could feel a sense of urgency rising up in her.  
  
"Spike, please.." she whispered earnestly. She could see the shock and then the decision to give her what she was pleading for. His mouth came down hard on hers as if he was trying to punish her for even being brave enough to ask for this. She met his ferocity with her own as their mouths and tongues waged an unwinnable war with each other. His hands came up to grip her arms, as if she wanted to get away. She could barely think beyond "Oh my God".  
  
He moved them quickly to her bare back and began gripping at whatever skin he could find. It's as if he had to touch every single inch of her. She clutched at his hips and tried to ignore the pain in her middle as the gauze rubbed against it. She wanted to feel him too. She pulled at the hem of his shirt until she had raised it enough to touch his flesh. So many times she had fantasized about being able to do this. She had never once thought it would actually happen because what could a man like him ever see in a young, inexperienced girl like her? But now she was free to do whatever she wanted to him and it was a heady feeling indeed.  
  
She couldn't believe the softness of him over muscles so tight there was no give when she pressed her fingers into them. Her hands were desperate as the roamed over his chest from collarbone to hipbone. It was like touching granite, cool and hard. He moaned into her mouth as she moved her hands to his ass. She couldn't believe her own boldness as she grasped him and pulled him into her but his moan only made her more brazen. She could feel the hardness of him pressing into her abdomen. God, she wanted him. She wanted him over her and inside of her, filling her up until there was no room for the energy that threatened her life.  
  
His lips left her mouth and found the delicate skin of her throat. She closed her eyes against the pleasure that flooded through her when his teeth grazed her jugular.  
  
"God, Spike, please, please. Make me feel real.." Even as the words left her mouth she felt him pulling away. She opened her eyes and he was now arms length away from her, his chest heaving and a look of devastation on his face. She immediately became aware of her nakedness again. She clutched the towel around her waist and pulled it up until it covered her entire torso. What had she done wrong?  
  
"Spike, what's wrong? Did I do something..."  
  
He was shaking his head violently to the negative.  
  
"'S not what I'm for. To make you feel. You are real. You are alive. I can't be expected to make you feel anything. I'm not the reason you are. It's too much to ask of anyone." He was mumbling now and lost in a memory that she was not a part of. She could have kicked herself for her stupidity. It was so simple. Buffy had said the same to him. Begged him to make her feel alive, to make her feel anything. And it had nearly destroyed him trying to do just that.  
  
"Oh, Spike, that's not what I meant." She stepped closer until her hands could run up his arms, which he held protectively in front of him. She moved until she had embraced him completely in the circle of her arms. His head lay on her thin shoulder and he was trembling either from the memories or from the unfulfilled passion. She wasn't sure which. She shushed him as she would a baby and ran her fingers through his soft, blonde curls just letting him get himself back together. Eventually his arms snuck around her waist and he returned her embrace.  
  
"I'm so sorry," she whispered into the shell of his ear. He shivered slightly and stood back so he could see her eyes, see the sincerity there. She wasn't Buffy. Nothing like her except in her stubbornness perhaps. His fingers caressed the side of her face and he leaned in to place a soft kiss against her swollen lips.  
  
"My fault, pet. Got issues I obviously haven't cleared up yet." He smiled shyly and she laughed at the little boy look.  
  
"You can get out of just about anything with that look can't you?"  
  
"Well I should hope so. Been working on it for a hundred years or more, luv." She laid her cheek against his now damp chest and just hugged him. She was so in love with this man. They stood for several minutes just taking comfort in each other before he pulled away.  
  
"You'd best get ready. I'm surprised Buffy hasn't come looking for us." They both glanced at the bedroom door, which was still firmly shut. Spike just hoped they hadn't been loud enough for her to hear.  
  
It still stunned him at the emotion and raw power Dawn displayed when he kissed her. She was completely uninhibited with him and held nothing of herself back. He knew she would have let him make love to her if her misspoken words hadn't thrown into some sort of post-traumatic haze. And he would probably have obliged her with Buffy only a few feet away in the kitchen. He was living dangerously and it was a little frightening how he could lose himself in this woman. But the exhilaration of her far outweighed any of the fear. He remembered everything he'd promised her. He'd said he would wait till she was ready. Well evidently something had scared her enough to push her violently into ready. He figured he'd have to wait a couple of years, not a couple of days.  
  
Something was definitely going on with her and he had to know what it was. He would wait till Buffy was gone before bringing it up. First he had to get his body under control before he faced the big sister in the other room. He took a few deep, cleansing breaths and then left the bedroom.  
  
He nearly ran into Buffy who was just coming down the hall.  
  
"Is she okay?"  
  
Spike grabbed at her upper arms to keep her from going any further.  
  
"She's fine. Just finishing up getting ready."  
  
"Does she need any help?" Buffy asked, trying to peer over his shoulder.  
  
"No, she's fine." He said moving past her back into the kitchen. Buffy wondered at his brusque manner but decided to let it drop.  
  
Dawn finally emerged and Spike set her up on the couch with food and control of the remote. He figured if she could feign interest in the television, Buffy would leave off with all the talking. Apparently it worked. She got so frustrated she told the two of them she was going to find Giles and see what progress had been made. She laid a kiss on top of Dawn's head and left quickly.  
  
As soon as the door shut behind her, Spike snatched the remote from Dawn's hand and turned the TV off.  
  
"Hey!" She said indignantly. He moved to sit beside her on the couch and she scrunched up to make room. He sat and pulled her feet into his lap.  
  
"Want to talk about it now?" He asked knowingly. She just starred at him for a minute amazed at his powers of perception. It really shouldn't have surprised her. Spike knew her too well.  
  
"Spike, do we have to do this now?" She said tiredly, pushing her hands through her thick hair.  
  
"Yes, we do. Something is obviously bothering you to have forced what happened...back there." He waved towards his bedroom.  
  
"I didn't force you."  
  
"That's not what I said. Something forced you. A few days ago you said you weren't ready for sex and now you put yourself naked right in front of me and beg me to take you. That makes me think somethins' up, pet."  
  
She let out a sigh of defeat.  
  
"Fine. I had a dream."  
  
He gave her a look.  
  
"Okay, okay, it was a Slayer dream I'm guessing. You know, the kind that actually come true or prophesy some disaster? One of those."  
  
"What kind of disaster?"  
  
"The kind where I wind up dead apparently." She said matter of factly.  
  
"No. I don't accept that. Those dreams only tell what could happen or maybe give hints at the future but they aren't fact. You are not going to die." He stated firmly.  
  
She grabbed his hand and forced him to meet her gaze.  
  
"You don't know that. Even if I weren't some mystical ball of energy, I'm still human. I could die of a heart attack or an aneurysm at any moment. You know this."  
  
"Not bloody likely. You're too young."  
  
"That's not a guarantee, Spike. You were only in your twenties when Dru killed you." She pointed out.  
  
"That was different."  
  
"You know what I'm saying. Anyway, it was a dream. It was vague and disturbing at best. Or worst in this case I guess." She released his hand to rub at her temple, which was now throbbing with a sudden headache.  
  
"You're not giving me very much here, luv."  
  
She huffed in frustration.  
  
"There were these voices. I remember them the most. The rest is kind of a blur and gets fuzzier by the minute. They kept saying the same thing over and over. 'You will pass away. You will be reborn.' I mean, what the hell is that supposed to mean? Am I gonna die and be reborn as something else? Something that can hold this power?" She asked with fear in her voice.  
  
Spike couldn't get past the 'you will pass away' part. Why would the monks have made Dawn and have given them all these memories of her only to take her away from them? It seemed outrageously cruel for a bunch of priests.  
  
"Could mean anything, pet. Don't rightly know. You should tell Giles."  
  
"Do I have to?"  
  
"He might be able to help or find it in some dusty old book somewhere."  
  
They were quiet for several moments, lost in their own thoughts when Dawn finally broke the silence.  
  
"I'm supposed to go back to Buffy's tomorrow."  
  
"God, I'd forgotten all about it." Spike smacked a hand against his forehead.  
  
"Think because of extenuating circumstances she'll let me stay?" She asked hopefully. He laughed and reached over to cup her face in the palm of his hand.  
  
"We can certainly play it that way, luv. If you want to stay that is." He knew that she did. He now had the same sense of urgency that she did. He didn't know what would come of her staying alone with him now. He wouldn't be the aggressor. He was going to let her come to him. And next time, nothing would stop him from taking this thing between them all the way. He refused to believe that she would die. His mind simply would not accept it. But if something did happen, he was going to make damn sure he'd expressed the love and desire he now felt for this woman. She wouldn't go anywhere without knowing that.  
  
TBC 


	25. Chapter 25

Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 25  
  
Author: Dawn  
  
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks that there is nothing left. S/D Takes place after "As You Were". AU after that.  
  
Spoilers: Anything before "As You Were" is fair game.  
  
Rating: R  
  
Disclaimer: Joss still owns it and boy do I miss it.  
  
Distribution: Anywhere but please ask first and keep my name attached.  
  
Author's Note: Okay, I have been thoroughly threatened by at least five people so here is the next chapter. Thanks to all who threatened nicely.  
  
Also, this chapter is going to get a little R rated. I don't get this whole rating thing so I don't know how far I'm allowed to go but I guess I'll find out if I get an e-mail telling me to tone it down. I also said that I never said that Dawn and Spike were going to have sex in this story. Well, now I'm telling you they might so if you don't like it, don't read it. You have been warned. Normally I myself would object but she'd older now and it's life or death so you do things you normally wouldn't. And remember folks Buffy had sex with Angel on her 17th birthday so technically she could have still been 16 when it happened. Okay, maybe that's stretching it. Anyway, hope you enjoy.  
  
Also, I have no beta so please forgive any mistakes. I was writing fast to keep the mob away.  
  
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Spike stayed true to his word. He had told Dawn that he would not force her into anything that she wasn't ready for. But being the vampire he was, when she did initiate anything physical he took it as far as she'd let him, which wasn't nearly far enough in his opinion.  
  
She slept in his bed every night, the operative word being slept. He would stay with her until she drifted off and then he would patrol, taking out his frustration on the demons. He was never gone too long or too far from the apartment because of her nightmares. He could practically set his watch by them if he'd had one. There was at least one a night, sometimes two or three. She would start to struggle in her sleep and then the screaming and crying would start. He would rush in and with a few soothing words and caresses she would fall back into oblivion.  
  
Buffy hadn't insisted that Dawn come home, as the girl had feared she would. Dawn would usually go to school and then home to spend time with her sister but at night she always showed up at Spike's door. Buffy didn't want to deny Spike the time he spent with her if Dawn was indeed going to die. She could barely even think about it without bursting into tears or having a panic attack.  
  
The Scooby gang was in overdrive. Almost every waking moment was spent at the round table in the Magic Box pouring over old books and manuscripts but they were little help. The Key was so ancient there had been barely anything written about it and what had made it to the page was so old that it was lost or falling apart. Even the Watcher's Council was at a dead end. They insisted everything they could find on the Key had been given to Buffy to help her in her fight against Glorificus.  
  
Meanwhile, everyone tried to treat Dawn as if everything were perfectly normal. Xander still told her corny jokes and tried to tickle her every time he caught her off guard. Willow and Tara helped with homework and talked girl talk. But all the attention had become so abnormal since Buffy's resurrection that it only pointed out the oddness of the situation. None of them seemed to realize that she wasn't the same person she had been before Buffy's death. They wanted to keep her in that sweet, innocent little girl shell and that wasn't her anymore. She felt so old and used up sometimes, fifteen going on forty.  
  
She appreciated all their efforts though. She could see the strain on their faces from the long hours spent researching books with no answers and spells with no power to save her. She could hear the low, angry discussions between Buffy and Giles or even Spike.  
  
Oh yes, Spike was in on this Scooby endeavor. He pretty much just paced around aggravating everyone with his rants about how they weren't doing enough. Most nights, Dawn would wind up dragging him into the training room. Spike had started her self-defense training on Monday night.  
  
Spike was impressed with how quickly Dawn picked everything up. He'd planned to go easy on her even though all traces of what had happened to her were gone. However, she'd come at him with everything she had so he'd been forced to ditch that idea. Her instincts and movements were very different from Buffy but after the first night he adjusted and learned where her weak spots were so he could strengthen them. By Wednesday she could pin him. Sometimes Buffy and Giles would come in to watch but they never interfered.  
  
More than getting Spike out of the room though, Dawn just wanted to be away from the constant looks of pity everyone was tossing her way. Spike, once again, was the only one who didn't treat her any differently. If he was upset, and she knew that he was, he never showed it around her. She knew he took it out on the demons he killed at night on patrol. He'd come home with bruises and broken skin on his knuckles. She'd tried to ask about it once but he'd simply shaken his head. She hadn't brought it up again. At home, he was the same old Spike, snarking at commercials, mixing his blood with whatever human food he had around the house and making her happier than she'd ever been.  
  
Thursday night, the two of them sat shoulder to shoulder on a training mat, leaning against the wall after a brutal session. She ached all over and was certain there were visible bruises but she felt more alive than ever before. She was sipping on bottled water every now and then passing it to Spike even though he didn't need it.  
  
They were talking quietly, their heads close together, his hand tracing up and down her bare arm. She knew fighting got Spike, well, horny for lack of a better word and usually after training he was highly touchy. Never anything uncomfortable but just enough to let her know she was desired and he was ready for her to tell him when. She didn't know what was stopping her now.  
  
They were alone every night in his bed. Any night she knew she could have turned to him and he would have made love to her. She figured the only real thing stopping her now was the gut-wrenching fear of the act itself. She had very limited knowledge of physical intimacy. All she knew she'd learned from him and it had been amazing so far. She was certain she was making a big deal out of nothing. Spike would be gentle with her and he'd never make her feel awkward or ignorant. She figured that once they started, instinct would take over. At least she hoped so. His patience with her was amazing. He was so impatient about everything else that the restraint he showed in this was remarkable. She shook her head to clear her thoughts. Her death was imminent and she was worried about sex. Well, there were priorities in life. She nearly laughed at the thought.  
  
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  
  
"They're not gonna find anything. I don't know why they keep looking." Dawn said off-handed. Spike fingers stilled against her arm.  
  
"Because they love you and they don't want to lose you. They don't want anything to happen to you and feel as if they didn't do everything in their power to save you." He explained. He didn't understand her sudden pessimism. She had been pretty up even with all this hanging over her head.  
  
"God, I know that." She pushed her hands through her hair, loosing it from the ponytail it had been in for training. It fell softly over her shoulders and brushed against Spike's skin causing him to shiver. "It's just so pointless." She stood quickly and started to pace. He didn't move to comfort her. She needed space even though watching her was making him dizzy.  
  
"Where's all this comin' from, pet?" He asked casually. She continued to pace madly.  
  
"I just wish it would happen already! I'm sick of waiting, not knowing from one minute to the next if I'm still gonna be breathing!" She said loudly. Spike pushed himself off the floor in one fluid motion and went to her. He grabbed her arm to stop the frantic movement. She turned and looked up at him with a stricken expression.  
  
"Be careful what you wish for, luv." He said roughly. She sighed and let her head fall forward against his chest. His hand found it's way to her hair and he stroked it gently. He didn't try to hold her. She felt caged as it was. He knew how much it hurt her every time a solution was brought up and then discarded.  
  
Each Scooby had offered an excited suggestion and everyone would get their little Scooby hopes up and then BAM! There would be some reason why it couldn't be done. Usually it involved the possibility of Dawn dying.  
  
They had discussed transferring the energy into something else but Tara had said the process would be about like what had happened to her previously. They had pondered binding the energy to her so that it could not escape but Willow feared that if it even tried to get out again and couldn't, it might still kill Dawn.  
  
The whole crux of it was no one really knew what it was inside of her. They knew it could be used to open dimensional portals, but that was about it. And even with everything they'd read about it, it was still pretty vague. Powerful energy, opens portals, can be seen by crazy people. The usual.  
  
Dawn moved away from Spike and went to stand in the doorway that led back into the shop. No one noticed she was there. Spike came to stand behind her and took in the scene before him.  
  
Willow and Tara were standing by a table filled with powders and herbs and strange magical stuff he didn't understand the uses for. They were talking quietly although Willow remained animated as always, gesturing with her hands and showing every emotion in her expressive face. Tara just smiled slightly up at her.  
  
Xander had given up pretending to read and had picked up a comic book instead. His future bride was standing at the counter going through the receipts for the day. Giles was helping or at least appearing to do so. Buffy was staring down at an open book on the table with half-closed eyelids. All of these people would take Dawn's place in a second if they could. Spike had no doubts about that. But the ability to save her was obviously beyond the grasp of any of them.  
  
"I should just go away. Pack up my stuff and go somewhere to wait for this to happen. It would be easier for them."  
  
"How's that, pet? Then they would all be worried about where you were and if you were safe. They'd wear themselves out just trying to find you. Get that notion right out of your head, pigeon."  
  
She could hear the extreme seriousness of his words in his voice. He wasn't just telling her it was a bad idea, he was saying that she would 'not' do it. She should probably be angry with him for trying to tell her what to do but she was too tired to care and she knew he was only saying it because he didn't want her to leave him.  
  
She sighed heavily and leaned back against him.  
  
"When I look out at them it's as if I'm looking at a picture I don't belong in. I'm not even supposed to be here. Those stupid monks should never have made me." Her voice broke and she swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat. Spike's arms came around to hold her from behind.  
  
"You do belong. You certainly belong here more than I do. If you hadn't come along.." His voice trailed off leaving her to fill in the blanks. And even before her mind began to churn with what he meant, she knew she wasn't thinking the same as him.  
  
All she could think is that if she hadn't come along Buffy wouldn't have had to die and Spike wouldn't have had to feel the weight of the guilt at failing them and he might never have fallen in love with Buffy and been hurt so badly by her. And of course, all the Scoobies would not have had to endure her sister's death as well. No, she could not see the good her existence had caused. And it only made her feel more separated from them.  
  
She pulled herself out of his grasp and turned back to the training room.  
  
"I gotta get outta here." She said hastily and grabbing her backpack stuffed with weapons, she headed out the back door and into the alley. Spike picked up his duster and shrugged into it as he followed her.  
  
He expected her to head towards the apartment but instead was surprised when she entered the gates of one of Sunnydale's twelve cemeteries. She was walking with purpose and he noticed she was clutching a stake in her right hand.  
  
She was about to beat the hell out of something so he hung back to make sure it wasn't him.  
  
It was almost comical. The first vamp seemed to be waiting for her, crouching behind an overly large tombstone. He was new, still had dirt all over his nice suit. And of course, as Spike well remembered, the blood lust was unbearable when you first woke up. You would attack anything that had blood in it. Unfortunately for this guy, it was Slayer Jr.  
  
She knew he was there. Her gut was already tingling. He came at her with arms extended in a parody of a mummy or brain-eating zombie. Spike shook his head in embarrassment. It was over in seconds. She side stepped his clumsy advance and staked him through the back. The vampire looked up and caught Spike's eye. He seemed confused and then he exploded into dust.  
  
"Well, that was just pathetic." Dawn said irritably. She continued on, navigating through the rows of gray and white marble looking for something to kill or at least hit. She came to an abrupt halt and Spike nearly ran into her. He moved beside her to see what it was that had stopped her.  
  
His crypt. God, he'd almost forgotten about it. The door was closed and a weak light flickered from inside.  
  
"Someone lives here now?" She asked quietly.  
  
"Yeah, Clem moved in after I left. I gave him all the furniture and the TV when I found out my new place came furnished."  
  
"I kind of miss this place, you know?"  
  
Spike nodded his understanding. This was the place she had run to when she was scared or alone. They had spent many nights after Buffy's death sitting in his chair watching old movies and crying silently so the other wouldn't hear. Of course, the other always knew but never admitted it unless comfort was sought. It was just enough to be together in misery.  
  
"I'm done. Can we go home now?" She asked. He flung his arm around her and they headed toward the apartment.  
  
When they arrived, she went straight to bed and Spike went straight to Buffy. He had been worried about Dawn's emotional state since this whole thing had started but now it had gone up a notch. She wasn't herself and at this point that was frightening especially after her suggestion tonight that she should just leave town. He had to talk to Buffy.  
  
When he got to Rovello Drive the only light on in the house was in the Slayer's bedroom. He took the familiar route up the tree and tapped lightly on the glass. Buffy's hazel eyes appeared in front of him and she raised the window quickly.  
  
"Is she all right?" She asked worriedly, stepping back to let him into the room.  
  
"She's fine, Slayer, calm down. I just came by to have a chat about what's going on in her head." He heard her let out a sigh of relief and then she collapsed onto her bed putting her face into her hands.  
  
"I can't take this, Spike. Every minute not knowing if it's her last and no hope of stopping it in sight."  
  
"Triple that and you've got how your sister feels." He stated to remind the depressed woman that there were other people in this too. He folded himself into the overstuffed chair beside her bed. Buffy lifted her face and that's when Spike saw the red, puffy eyes and tear tracks down her pale face.  
  
"We have nothing, Spike. Giles and Willow and Tara and everybody, we can't find a damn thing on how to stop this. My little sister is being threatened again and I can't stop it. And this time I can't take her place even if I wanted to. I feel so helpless. What's the point of having all this power if I can't save the people I love?" She was looking at him as if he had the answers to all the questions she'd just asked.  
  
Her question suddenly made him angry. Once again, it was all about Buffy. And the more he thought about it, the more the anger became rage. He sat forward and glared at her.  
  
"Don't you think I feel the same? Even if something were to happen to Dawn, you still have all your friends and the Watcher. I have nothing, Buffy. Without Dawn, I have nothing." He said fervently, the blue fire of his eyes burning into her. She was stunned at the passion of his words. She had been so caught up in what this was doing to her that she hadn't seen that Spike was falling apart inside. She moved off the bed and knelt in front of him, grasping his hands in hers.  
  
"But you will, Spike. You'll still have me, even if it's not the way you first wanted, I will always be here for you. If anything happens to Dawn we might be the only ones who can get each other through that."  
  
He just stared at her as she'd grown another head. Of all the selfish and self-righteous speeches he'd ever heard her give, this one took the cake. And the thing that got him the most was that she actually believed what she was saying.  
  
Spike let go of her and stood quickly, nearly knocking Buffy to the floor. He strode to the window and turned, his duster flaring out behind him.  
  
"If anything happens to Dawn, I don't want to get through it. I'm done with all of it. If the world and the Powers that Be see fit to take her away from me then they can take me too. I'm tired of losing the women I love." And then he was gone, so fast that all she'd had time to do was blink at his last words. An ache started in the center of her chest and bloomed outward. He was in love with Dawn.  
  
************************************* The farther from the house he got the less his anger burned. He slowed to a walk and finally stopped altogether. He realized that Buffy had probably been sincere in her statement that she would always be there for him but the fact that she would say it now...he just didn't get women. If she had only let him, Spike could have been everything Buffy ever wanted or needed in a man. Okay, a vampire, but still. He could have made her genuinely happy if she'd only let him. But she had chosen not to. So he had picked up the pieces of himself that she had so carelessly thrown aside and gotten on with his life, even finding someone whom he loved dearly and who loved him in return. Now she wanted him to know that after she'd said she never wanted anything else to do with 'an evil, disgusting thing' that she would always be there for him. Was that her big 'Can't we be friends?' speech or was there something more underneath it?  
  
Spike was generally not very trusting but he could not imagine that Buffy would try to move in on him during his grief if Dawn were to die. He knew she had broached the subject of still wanting him and maybe starting over but it was too late for that now. He'd found the real thing and would accept no substitutes. Even if Dawn were to die he would never be able to have anything with Buffy. The pain was just too deep. And he wasn't a creature of forgiveness. He could tell her it was okay but he would never forget it and he wasn't about to walk into it again.  
  
When he got home, Dawn was on the couch with ice cream and a hard look.  
  
"Where were you? I woke up and you were gone. Are you okay?" She laid the container on the coffee table and came over to the door. She grabbed his hands and inspected them, only satisfied when she saw no blood or broken skin. His withered heart filled to bursting with love for this girl. Her death was imminent and she was worried that he'd scraped his hand while fighting. He grabbed her suddenly and pulled her to him. She gave a surprised squeak and then returned the embrace. He held her for several minutes before she started to squirm.  
  
"Are you okay?" She said into his coat. He chuckled and rubbed her back lightly.  
  
"I am now, luv. I am now." He let her pull back and then he framed her face with his hands and crushed his mouth to hers. As normal for Dawn, the room started spinning and then faded away completely. Whenever he touched her, there was nothing in the world at all but him. Her hands slipped inside his coat to grip his waist as he pulled at her mouth over and over like a man dying of thirst.  
  
Her lips were cold from the ice cream and the sweet taste of it still lingered on her tongue. Time and again he tasted her as if it were the last he would ever be able to kiss her. He finally tore his mouth from hers and searched her face memorizing it.  
  
"Happy Birthday, luv."  
  
She smiled slowly and glanced back at the green glowing numbers on the VCR. It was five minutes after midnight. She turned back to him still grinning.  
  
"Best birthday present I've ever had."  
  
"Oh, it's about to get better." He knew he had promised but he wasn't good at waiting and if at any point she told him to stop he would but he had to have her tonight. He didn't want her to be gone never knowing the passion she stirred in him or how good he could make her feel. He swung her up in his arms and she didn't protest. Maybe this was what she'd been waiting for. If felt like the right time somehow. She curled her arms about his neck and laid her head against his shoulder.  
  
He took her into the bedroom, which was dimly lit by the light from a small lamp on the nightstand. The room glowed with a soft peach color and everything seemed so surreal to Dawn now.  
  
Spike let his duster fall to the floor and kicked his boots into the corner. Dawn rose to her knees as he approached the bed and reached out to touch his face. Her fingers caressed the hollow of his sharp cheekbones and trailed across his full lips.  
  
"Before anything happens, so I can't be accused of saying this after the sex, I love you." Her face flushed with color and he could see that she was waiting for him to deny that he felt the same and he was sorry. To tell her that he cared for her but that he could never feel for her as he had for anyone else before her. Those words never came.  
  
Spike froze. He knew that she loved him. She showed him every day and in everything she did for him but to actually hear the words from her..it was overwhelming. All his life he had wanted one thing above all else, to be loved. And here was this person, kneeling in front of him telling him from her heart that she truly did love him. It didn't matter that he was a vampire. It didn't matter that he had no soul. She did not for a moment believe that he could not feel. His past meant nothing to her even though she knew what he had done. She knew everything about him, all of his mistakes, all of his sins and she loved him in spite of it, maybe a little because of it. It was almost impossible for him to wrap his mind around. There had always been conditions in the past to be loved. His mother loved him when he was good, Dru loved him when he was bad and Buffy had said she could only love him if he had a soul.  
  
Dawn had put no restrictions on the love she offered him. He could just be him and it was enough. He was going to turn into a complete pansy now. He could feel tears prickling behind his eyes. He reached up to take her small hand in his.  
  
"I love you so much," he whispered raggedly. His arms snaked around her waist and he pulled her flush against him. Their lips met in a fierce kiss, each trying to convince the other of what they had just revealed.  
  
Urgency took over inside of her and she had to touch his bare skin. Just the fact that she could almost caused a meltdown in her brain. Not breaking the kiss they were currently involved in, her fingers crept down and searched for the hem of his T-shirt. She found it and started to pull it up slowly until she had to break contact just to get it over his head. He lifted his arms and let her remove it and it was carelessly tossed to the floor and immediately forgotten. There were too many other pieces in the way. Her hands had a mind of their own now, roaming over the hard planes of his chest and the ridges of his abs. He felt like cool marble. She'd always wanted to see Michelangelo's David but now she knew she had it under her fingers. She met his heated gaze when she felt him shiver at her touch. The blue in them had once again been replaced by the near black they became when he was aroused. There were also little flecks of gold as the demon tried to take over. But she knew that Spike would never allow that. Was it wrong to be flattered by it?  
  
He seemed to be letting her lead. He didn't try to undress her and just let her explore to her heart's content. Her now shaking fingers went to the buckle of his belt. She hesitated and then undid it and pulled. It hissed slowly through the loops of his jeans and clinked when it hit the floor. She was already focused on the buttons. She popped them open and when she got to the last one she looked up at him wickedly. She knew he wore nothing under them.  
  
She eased the denim over his lean hips and it pooled around his feet. She just stared at him. She'd often heard from TV and from some of her girlfriends that guys had ugly bodies. None of them had seen Spike apparently. She could honestly not think of anything she'd ever seen that was as beautiful as he was naked. She reached out and took him in her hand. His head fell forward and he groaned softly. She knew it was torture for him not to touch her but he didn't want to frighten her.  
  
"Spike," she whispered. His eyes met hers and he could see the need in them.  
  
"Please, touch me."  
  
She didn't have to ask twice. His hands went immediately for the thin shirt she wore. There was no bra underneath. Her skin was slightly darker than his own from her time in the sun but she wasn't one who tanned easily. It was the color of heavy cream and soft as silk under his touch. He took the waistband of her sleep shorts and pushed them down along with her underwear. Eventually they were both exposed to the other one completely.  
  
For several minutes they did nothing but look, taking in every inch of each other's body at a glance. Finally Spike couldn't stand not touching her anymore. He moved toward her and inched onto the mattress putting one arm behind her back to ease her down onto the bed. His lips found hers again and they started to kiss softly as if they had all the time in the world and the night would last interminably. His other hand traced her from shoulder to hip, just fingertips grazing over supple flesh sending shudders all over her body.  
  
How could she have ever been afraid of this? She could not even begin to describe the feel of his body against hers. It was sending frissions of heat through every part of her until she thought she'd explode from the pleasure of it. To have someone touching her as if she were the most precious thing in all the world brought her to the point of emotional breakdown.  
  
It didn't take long for Spike's exploring fingers to find the heart of her and shatter her reality into a million sparkling pieces.  
  
And then, with a moment of hesitance, Spike met her gaze to be reassured that she was ready for what was about to happen. With a slight nod of her head he eased himself into her and the pain was almost immediately overshadowed by the immense feeling of being completely and utterly filled.  
  
"Oh my God," she whispered against his neck as he slowly began to move. It had been such a wait for both of them that it didn't take long before they were moving fiercely against each other straining for release. Dawn licked at the vein in Spike's neck and when the pressure building inside of her became too much she bit down hard. Spike shouted and together they fell over the edge and into the oblivion beyond.  
  
*******************************************  
  
She wasn't sure what time it was when she finally woke up, only that her whole body ached, but in a good way. Spike was wrapped around her like clinging vine and she couldn't move so she laid her head back down on her pillow and just watched him sleep. He looked so young when he wasn't awake and trying to convince everyone how 'bad' he was. His hair was sleep tousled and curling, which she knew he hated. The worries and hardness of a hundred years had slipped from his face and it appeared smooth and soft in the light cast by the lamp. Her heart was full to bursting with the feelings he caused in her. She would give anything to be with him and keep him by her side forever. She wished they could just lay here in each other's arms and forget that there was a world outside the bedroom door.  
  
She couldn't believe the things he'd shown her and the many times he'd brought her pleasure the night before. Now she knew her sister was crazy. Any girl who would knowingly and willingly give that up had to be mentally unsound. But she had not been idle either, nor selfish. She was a quick learner and had returned the favor as he directed her with his moans and shouts.  
  
She sighed in contentment and closed her eyes again.  
  
The second time she woke up she was met with Spike's worried gaze.  
  
"Are you all right?" He asked.  
  
She laughed lightly and put her arms around his neck and pulled him down to her, kissing him squarely on the mouth. She let him go and smiled up at him.  
  
"I can honestly say that I have never felt better in my entire life."  
  
His face lit up and he began to kiss her in earnest. They didn't leave the bedroom for several more hours.  
  
She finally escaped long enough to take a shower. After she dressed in her own room, she wandered into the kitchen to the wonderful smells of frying bacon and scrambled eggs. She poured herself a large glass of orange juice and sat down at the island in the center of the kitchen, watching Spike be domestic. At times, she could almost swear he was human. He was stirring the eggs around with a fork in the frying pan and humming to some unknown tune in his head while dancing around on the balls of his feet. She hid her smile behind the glass of OJ.  
  
Suddenly there was a knock at the door and both of them froze. They looked at each other in fear and then confusion. Who on earth would be knocking on Spike's door? Dawn got up and headed into the den. She peered through the peephole and was surprised to see the entire Scooby gang staring back at her. She opened the door and was nearly trampled by six people calling out Happy Birthday and singing loudly. She caught Spike's eye and shrugged at the look of absolute fury on his face. These people had violated his sanctuary and without his permission.  
  
"Happy Birthday, Dawnie! The big sixteen! Want me to teach you how to drive?" Willow asked with excitement, grabbing the younger girls hands and bouncing up and down like a Cocker Spaniel puppy. Dawn just laughed as she was pulled to Xander next who gave her a big hug and then on to Giles and Buffy. Anya didn't do hugging with anyone except Xander so she patted Dawn awkwardly on the shoulder.  
  
"What are you guys doing here?" Dawn asked when everyone had gotten their say and had settled down a little. She couldn't help but be nervous considering what she and Spike had been doing only an hour before and she wondered if Buffy could somehow tell that her little sister wasn't a virgin anymore. Dawn kept throwing furtive glances at her but Buffy seemed normal so she tried to relax. She supposed the one she should be worried about was Anya who seemed to have an uncanny ability to tell when someone had just had sex.  
  
"We just wanted to be the first ones to say it and we're going to spend the whole day doing whatever you want." Tara said softly. Dawn could not stop the blush that spread into her cheeks or keep her eyes from finding Spike's.  
  
He had a Cheshire grin on his face and was leaning casually against the wall knowing every thought that was running through her naughty little mind. She knew what she wanted to do all day and none of it involved the six people staring at her with expectant looks on their faces. And he had already told her Happy Birthday in the most extraordinary way.  
  
"Wow. That's great you guys. Thank you so much." She didn't know how to bow out gracefully and they looked so happy at what they had proposed.  
  
"So, let me finish getting ready and we can go." She said with false brightness. She got to her room before she let the smile slide from her face and she rubbed her sore cheeks. She nearly screamed when she turned and ran into Spike.  
  
"Would you stop doing that?" She hissed. He shut the door and backed her into the wall to her right. Her hands rested against his hard chest as he leaned in to kiss her. After several minutes he finally let her breathe.  
  
"Stay with me." He said against her brow as he dotted kissed there. Her body was already responding to his nearness and fevered request.  
  
"You have no idea how much I want to but you saw them. How can I say no to that?" She asked, gesturing towards the den.  
  
Spike hung his head but did not release her. He knew that whatever they had planned it did not involve him and even if he found a way to join them, he didn't want to share Dawn's time with anyone. The things he wanted to fill her time with would probably shock and mortify several of the occupants in his apartment. And he was pretty sure that if the Whelp knew what had already happened between him and Dawn he would try to kill Spike. Of this, the vampire was certain.  
  
"Listen, it can't take too long. They'll get bored after a couple of hours and I'll be back. If not, then I know they have a surprise party planned at the Bronze tonight and I want you there whether they tell you about it or not. Okay?" She asked.  
  
He stood up and released her from the wall.  
  
"Okay."  
  
"That's it? No 'Hell no you're not going with them and if they try to take you I'll rip 'em apart'?" She asked with mock indignation. That at least earned her a small grin. He left her alone to finish getting ready. Buffy was coming down the hall as he was shutting Dawn's door.  
  
"Hey," she greeted him softly. They stood for several moments in uncomfortable silence.  
  
"Listen, I just wanted to say that however you took what I said last night, I didn't mean..."  
  
He didn't let her finish.  
  
"It's okay, Slayer. I got halfway home and felt like a prat for overreacting. It's just a touchy subject."  
  
She nodded and again there was silence.  
  
"Ok, well we're having a surprise party for Dawn at the Bronze tonight and I know she'll want you to be there." When she realized the way that sounded she hurried to correct herself. "And the rest of us want you there too."  
  
Spike couldn't help but give a short bark of laughter.  
  
"Yeah, you never were a good liar, Slayer." He passed her and walked into the den.  
  
***************************************  
  
By five o'clock Dawn was exhausted. They had taken her to the mall and each of them had bought her something they thought she wanted. Buffy had paid for a salon to cut and style her hair and do a manicure. Xander, even though Dawn had protested loudly, had bought her a teddy bear. Willow got her a pair of jeans that Dawn had expressed a passing interest in and Tara had given her a beautiful crystal that was supposed to protect its owner. Giles had bought her a CD of Celtic music, which Dawn had just gotten into. Everyone got her something except for Anya who insisted that since she and Xander were a couple they were only obliged to buy one present. Then they took her to a movie and in the middle of all of it they went to lunch. She didn't want to say anything but it was major overkill. She could not remember once in her imaginary or real life all of them doing stuff together especially with Giles tagging along. He tried to feign interest but he was hopeless.  
  
They never took her back to Spike's apartment. They kept her with them all day long and deposited her and Buffy back at the Summer's residence to get ready for the 'surprise party'. The minute she got to her room she picked up the phone and dialed Spike's number.  
  
There was no answer. She couldn't help the disappointment that flooded her when his voice never came on the other end. She hoped he wasn't upset with her. She sighed and went to take a shower. After drying off and wrapping the towel firmly around her she went back to her room and flipped on the light. She gasped at the scene before her. The whole room was filled with flowers and not flowers in vases but flowers covering every surface of her room. There were lilies and tulips and thornless roses (at least she hoped so), daffodils, and twenty others she didn't know the names for and in the middle of her bed was the most beautiful dress she'd every seen. Midnight blue satin, it was tailored to hug her body and the back was scooped to expose the creamy skin there. Satin heels the same color sat on the floor and in a small box next to the dress there was a dark sapphire anklet.  
  
She heard sharp intake of breath from behind her and turned to see Buffy's astonished face.  
  
"My God, who did all this?" But then she realized what a ridiculous question that was. Spike, of course. Dawn knew her next question would be where he got the money for all this stuff.  
  
"Where on earth did he get the money to do this?"  
  
Bingo. She knew her big sister very well.  
  
"Who cares? It's mine now." Dawn answered defiantly. Buffy moved into the room, flower petals sticking to the bottom of her bare feet and picked up the dress from the bed. The satin slid like milk between her fingers and she couldn't help the jealousy that threatened to spill out in a harsh comment to her sister. She bit her tongue so hard it brought tears to her eyes.  
  
"It's beautiful, Dawnie. You're very lucky." Her voice sounded strange even to her. It's as if she weren't the one talking at all.  
  
Dawn stood behind her sister and tried to quell the rage at Buffy's words. Very lucky? A few months ago it could have been her room overflowing with flowers if she'd only shown just a little hint of compassion to the heartbroken vampire.  
  
"We'd better hurry or we're gonna be late." Buffy got out, throwing the dress carelessly on top of the comforter and walking quickly passed Dawn and down the hall where the slamming of her door shook the house.  
  
Great. Now Buffy was pissed at her for no reason that was her fault. She let out huff of frustration and closed the door to get ready.  
  
TBC 


	26. Chapter 26

Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 26  
  
Author: Dawn  
  
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks that there is nothing left. S/D Takes place after "As You Were". AU after that.  
  
Spoilers: Anything before "As You Were" is fair game.  
  
Rating: R  
  
Disclaimer: Joss still owns it and boy do I miss it. Lyrics are by Fiona Apple and used without permission.  
  
Distribution: Anywhere but please ask first and keep my name attached.  
  
Author's Note: Sorry it took so long. Just moved and I had inventory. I know, excuses, excuses. Prepare for angst.  
  
*********************************  
  
By the time the sisters got in the Jeep to go to the club, Buffy seemed to have forgotten the incident in the bedroom. Or maybe she was just forcing herself to be nice since it was Dawn's birthday and death was looming on the horizon for said birthday girl. How kind of her to put aside her petty anger and let Dawn off the hook for something she didn't do. Dawn sighed and shook the hateful thoughts away. She was determined to have the night of her life. Well, nothing could top last night but tonight was going to rate right up there.  
  
The club was full as it usually was on a Saturday night. The gang hadn't been able to rent the whole place so they had booked the space in the back. It was roped off and two tables had been pulled together. Wow, they went all out. Everyone was accounted for except Spike and Dawn's mood darkened a little in his absence. They had all pitched in and bought her an ice cream cake from Baskin Robbins, which she would always love no matter how old she got. When after thirty minutes he still hadn't shown up, Dawn excused herself and headed for the pay phone in the hallway that lead to the bathrooms. She dialed his number and waited. It rang at least 10 times and she knew there was no answering machine to pick up so she finally gave up and slammed the phone down. She huffed and turned to lean against the wall.  
  
************************************  
  
Spike had seen her walk in. She looked exquisite. And he hadn't been the only male to take notice. The dress hugged her body, as he'd known it would and the material dipped to show off the creamy expanse of her back. Her hair was different. It had been cut shorter and now just brushed her shoulders and curved around her face. She was a vision. He saw her looking for him and could tell she was upset he wasn't there. She deposited her bag on the reserved table and he saw her tell her mates she'd be back as she made her way through the throng to the back. Buffy was watching her. She'd opted to wear red as if in direct defiance of the color Spike had chosen for Dawn. Also, Buffy knew red was Spike's favorite color. Had that played into her choice, he wondered? She looked beautiful as well but his eyes were on the woman in blue.  
  
He crept down the balcony stairs and followed Dawn down the hallway, ducking into the utility closet to wait. He heard her force the handle of the phone down hard and let out of a puff of breath in frustration. She pushed herself away from the wall and was making her way down the narrow hall when she was suddenly pulled into a dark room and plunged into blackness when the door was slammed shut. She only felt a moment of fear before she sensed it was him and smelled his scent. He pushed her against the wall and found her mouth with his own. She moaned softly as his hand made it way up her bare thigh to clutch at the skin there.  
  
"God, I missed you," he breathed against her mouth. His lips moved to her cheeks then her closed eyelids as he mapped out her face with kisses.  
  
"I'm so sorry," she whispered pulling at his clothes and wishing them away.  
  
"Like your presents?"  
  
"Liking this one better," she smiled in the dark. He chuckled and moved his hand further up her leg until he brushed where her body was the hottest. She gasped and bit her lip as he pushed the cloth of her panties aside and reminded her of just how talented his fingers were. She nearly screamed as waves of pleasure crashed over her. At the moment of her release, he covered her mouth with his so that he swallowed any sounds she might have made. When her breathing had returned to normal and her heart had slowed, he let her go and helped her straighten her mussed clothing.  
  
"You drive me crazy," he whispered into her ear. She laughed and pulled him to her in a tight hug.  
  
"Tonight I'll give you a present for my birthday, how bout that?" She promised. He groaned and with one last scorching kiss, pulled the door open and followed her out into the blaring noise of the club.  
  
Dawn could tell the Scooby gang wasn't exactly thrilled he was there. Xander just glared from across the table until Anya pulled him out to the dance floor. Willow and Tara, who had finally made amends, followed close behind the engaged couple. That left Buffy, Dawn and Spike sitting uncomfortably alone.  
  
A voice from behind them startled all three.  
  
"Hey, Dawn."  
  
The girl turned so fast she nearly fell off the stool she was sitting on.  
  
"Kevin?" She asked in disbelief. The boy stood there awkwardly, his hands shoved in his jeans pockets.  
  
"You look amazing."  
  
Dawn could hear the low growl coming from Spike and she threw a pleading look his way.  
  
"Thanks. It's my birthday. We're just having a little party." She explained.  
  
"Oh, wow, happy birthday then. Um, do you want to dance?" He asked, gesturing toward the crowded dance floor.  
  
Dawn was torn. She didn't want to hurt Kevin's feelings but she didn't want Spike to tear him to shreds either.  
  
"Um, sure. Just give me a second okay?"  
  
Kevin nodded with a sappy smile on his face and walked a little ways from the table to wait for her. She immediately turned to Spike and could see the sparks of yellow amidst the blue. She took his hand and pulled him towards her as if she needed to tell him something and couldn't be heard over the loud music.  
  
"I love you," she whispered. He pulled back in surprise and realized what she was saying. No matter what, it was him she wanted to be with. He relaxed and squeezed her hand quickly.  
  
"I know." He shrugged, as if he'd never doubted it. She laughed and slid off the stool to meet Kevin on the dance floor. The song was fast so they didn't have to get to close, which didn't seem to suit Kevin to well.  
  
Once Dawn was gone, Spike looked over and realized Buffy was staring at him.  
  
"What?" He asked defensively.  
  
"Kind of went overboard on the birthday presents don't you think? A little intimate to be buying her stuff like that." Buffy nodded toward Dawn as if Spike wouldn't remember what he'd gotten her.  
  
"You only turn sixteen once. Wanted it to be special." He explained.  
  
"Oh, I'm sure it was very special."  
  
Spike had just taken a swig of beer and nearly spewed it out at her accusatory tone.  
  
"What's your problem now, Slayer?" He asked angrily, slamming the bottle onto the Formica tabletop.  
  
"I'm not an idiot, Spike. Don't let the highlights fool you. You weren't here and then Dawn goes to the phone and comes back with you in tow all flushed and breathless? You're kidding me, right? Go ahead. Tell me nothing happened back there with you two. Convince me that you and my sister aren't sleeping together. I want to see you try and make me believe it." She said, moving closer till they were nearly face to face. He acted as if he were gearing up to fight with her when suddenly his shoulders slumped and he sighed heavily.  
  
"Dammit, Buffy, you're the one that said I had a lot to offer her. You're the one that said I shouldn't give up. Well you were right. Dawn loves me and I love her. She's my whole bleedin' world and I'm just ashamed it took me till now to realize it. So get mad, hell, try to stake me even, but that's the way it is. I'm in love with her. I never knew what love was till her. And if feels bloody wonderful. I've never felt like this in my whole existence and if it all ended tonight and I wound up dust it would have been worth it." He said fervently. Buffy was so shocked by his answer she sat back speechless. She honestly thought he was going to try and lie to her not admit to taking her sister's innocence.  
  
"So I was right. You didn't love me. It was all just some sick obsession." Her voice trembled and she could have kicked herself for the pain these thoughts caused and that she'd even broached the subject. Right, cause it's all about Buffy.  
  
"No. I did love you, but not like this. I was in love with someone who didn't exist. And God knows it was all one sided. But to have it returned with such..passion and honesty, it's the most humbling thing that's ever happened to me, Buffy. So you can be pissed if you want and you can try to keep me from her, but only death will keep me away from her so you better be ready to do the deed." He finished, taking a deep pull from his bottle.  
  
Buffy couldn't hear anything. It's as if the club and all the noise had faded away. If there was one thing she thought she could count on for the rest of her life if was Spike's affection for her. And now that was gone. And she had no one to blame but herself. She turned her head until her gaze fell on her sister who was laughing and dancing with her friend from school. For one moment, she felt such blinding jealousy she was almost sick. Tears prickled at the back of her eyes but she refused to allow it. She would not break down in front of Spike. Suddenly she felt his hand on hers and she turned quickly to meet his worried blue gaze.  
  
"I'd give my life for her, Buffy. I swear I'll never hurt her and I'll treat her like a queen till I'm dust. I swear it."  
  
She simply looked down at his hand on hers and listened to her heart breaking in her chest. This could have all been hers. The thought kept circling through her brain as if on a track. And suddenly she realized she wanted him to have this. To make up for every horrible thing she'd ever done to him and to Dawn, she wanted them to be happy. Someone sure as hell should be. Her heart lightened a little and she looked up into his expectant face.  
  
"I know you will, Spike. I'd expect nothing less from you."  
  
His face split into a grin and she briefly glimpsed William in him. He squeezed her hand and jumped off the stool to find Dawn. The lights went down and a slow song started to pour from the speakers. Buffy saw Spike push Kevin away softly and step between him and Dawn. He pulled her to him and Buffy could see the way Dawn looked at him that she was lost.  
  
The music drifted around them hazily as the swayed together. The female singer's deep, sultry voice spun its web around the couples clinging to each other on the dance floor.  
  
"Darling, give me your absence tonight  
  
Take the shade from the canvas and leave me the white  
  
Let me sink in the silence that echoes inside  
  
And don't bother leaving the light on  
  
'Cuz I suddenly feel like a different person  
  
From the roots of my soul comes a gentle coercion.  
  
And I ran my hand o'er a strange inversion  
  
A vacancy that just did not belong  
  
The child is gone"  
  
Buffy watched them as they danced, seeing the world disappear for them as they were so wrapped up in each other. She could see Xander trying his best to keep an eye on them and the look of fury he had at the proximity of Spike to Dawn. It was almost comical to watch his head appear above the crowd and then disappear again as Anya pulled him back to her. She hadn't even realized the tears had slipped passed her defenses until one fell onto the back of her hand. There was a strange hollowness inside of her and she honestly wondered if it would ever go away. It had been winter in her soul for so long now and she was desperate for the summer. When God closes a door isn't he supposed to open a window somewhere?  
  
Unaware of her pain, the music swelled around her.  
  
"Honey help me out of this mess  
  
I'm a stranger to myself  
  
But don't reach for me, I'm too far away  
  
I don't wanna talk 'cuz there's nothing left to say  
  
So my darling, give me your absence tonight  
  
Take all of your sympathy and leave it outside  
  
'Cuz there's no kind of loving that can make this all right  
  
I'm trying to find a place where I belong  
  
And I suddenly feel like a different person  
  
From the roots of my soul comes a gentle coercion  
  
And I ran my hand o'er a strange inversion  
  
As the darkness turns into dawn  
  
The child is gone  
  
The child is gone"  
  
The Scoobies eventually made their way back to the table, all of them with their gazes trained on the dancing couple. Xander reached the table with murder in his eyes.  
  
"Okay, what the hell is going on and why isn't Spike sporting a nice, splintery stake through the heart?" His face was red with anger. When Buffy didn't respond he spoke louder.  
  
"Hello? Am I the only one here who sees Spike molesting your little sister in front of a room full of people?"  
  
Willow touched Buffy's arm and the girl actually jumped as if she had been unaware that the other four people even stood there. That's when the witch noticed Buffy's stricken expression and the tears that pooled in her hazel eyes.  
  
"Buffy, are you okay? What happened?"  
  
"Look at them, Willow. Should I punish them for being in love?"  
  
Willow nearly yelled out "What?!" but restrained herself and simply did what Buffy asked. She looked out at Dawn and Spike and tried to pretend she didn't know them. She wanted to see them as everyone else here saw them and when she was finally able to do it, what she saw was blinding.  
  
She had never seen either with such a look of joy on their faces. That is how Tara looked at her and it was how she felt the day she realized she was in love with Tara. Oh, God.  
  
"Spike's in love with Dawn." Willow realized aloud. Xander sputtered and spit but was unable to form coherent words.  
  
"Looks like." Tara agreed, also seeing what Willow saw. Anya only nodded as if she had known all along.  
  
"Are you all insane? Have we all been thrown into Bizarro world where it's okay for Spike to be groping Dawn Summers? Can someone please tell me why you're all standing there as if this is okay?"  
  
"Because it has to be, Xander. I can't kill Spike because he's in love with my sister. Where would be the justification in that? And it would only leave Dawn hating me for the rest of her life. And our lives are just too short for that Xander. I know you don't like him but you have to know he would never hurt her. You must know that. You left her alone with him while I was dead without a second thought because in your heart you knew he would protect her till the end."  
  
The boy still stood there red-faced and open-mouthed in disbelief. The world he knew was now totally unfamiliar to him and all his friends had obviously been possessed.  
  
"Well if you won't stop it I sure as hell will," he said firmly and started to head towards them. But Slayer strength was suddenly being used on him and he found himself sitting down suddenly and forcibly on a stool. Buffy stood over him with what Willow liked to call "resolve face".  
  
"You will do nothing, Xander Harris. If you love me and if you love Dawn you will sit right here and enjoy the rest of this night. I will not let you cause a scene and ruin Dawn's birthday. You want to give Spike the whole 'hurt her and you're dead speech' that's fine by me but not here and not now, you got it?"  
  
He nodded his head quickly so as not to incur her wrath and turned meekly to the table so he wouldn't have to watch the vampire he loathed practically making out with the girl who had once had a huge crush on him herself.  
  
***************************************  
  
Spike felt as if his life could just not get any better than it was at this moment. The woman he loved was pressed against him, looking up at him as if he were the only man in the world and no one had tried to kill him yet. He knew he was pushing the envelope by holding her so close and stealing kisses. Even if Buffy had sort of given him her blessing he knew the others had not and each of them had the power to hurt him in their own right. But at this moment, he just couldn't bring himself to care. He knew there would be things that had to be resolved and problems to work through but at this moment everything was perfect.  
  
The heat from the people around them and from Dawn's body had warmed him until he felt almost human. It was then that he realized he was more than warm, he was burning up. Only it wasn't him. He pulled himself out of his blissful state and realized that Dawn was looking up at him with fear evident on her face. She pushed away from him and looked down. A faint green glow, centered around her middle, pulsed dimly in the dark club. She looked up again with a question in her huge blue eyes.  
  
"Spike?" She questioned as she suddenly collapsed onto the wooden floor. People began to scream as a blinding green light suddenly erupted from Dawn's chest and punctured a hole in the ceiling above her. The crowd began to run for the door as Spike held onto Dawn's shaking body.  
  
"Oh, God, no please no." He chanted over and over, desperate to help her but not knowing what to do. His hands fluttered over her trying to find somewhere to land where they might do some good but there was nothing he could do to stop the light.  
  
"Dawn! Don't you leave me! Do you hear? Don't you dare leave me? You push it away! You fight dammit! You fight it!" He yelled at her and willed her grabbing her shoulders and shaking her.  
  
"God, Spike it burns," she whispered hoarsely as the light that had just been at her chest started to envelope her entire body. The rest of the gang was now standing around her and Buffy mirrored Spike's position on Dawn's other side.  
  
"Dawnie, you can do this! You have to make it go away! Come on sweetie, just like last time! You can do this!" Buffy yelled at her grasping her sister's hand tightly as if that alone could keep her in this world.  
  
But the girl was passed hearing them. She turned her tear stained face to Spike and in a last ditch effort reached out to touch his face.  
  
"I love you," she breathed and suddenly her body convulsed and the light engulfed her and he was holding nothing but air.  
  
**************************************  
  
They all sat in stunned silence for what seemed like ages until what had just happened registered in Buffy's brain.  
  
"No. No. No. This can't happen. It can't happen. It didn't happen. She's still here we just have to find her. We just have to look." The petite blond chanted blankly and rose from the floor and started to search with unseeing eyes. Willow was weeping openly and took Buffy in her arms to stop her.  
  
"Buffy, stop it. She's not here. She's gone. She's gone." Willow sobbed into Buffy's hair. She was nearly thrown off balance when the Slayer passed out.  
  
Xander just continued to stare at the place where his little Dawnie had only moments ago been standing as if in utter disbelief. His own tears were making silent tracks down his face as Anya buried her face in his chest and cried. Tara was helping Willow lower Buffy to the floor and fanning the Slayer's face with a paper plate they had brought for the cake. No one even noticed Spike.  
  
He sat limply on the floor; his hands still clutched as if holding her. His words running through his head over and over. "Only death will keep me away from her." On some level he knew that his body was just a shell that housed a demon, but he had never felt that way until this moment. He felt like a dried out husk and all that had been him had just gone up in flames. His whole being was numb and he could not bring himself to move from this spot where she had fallen. They had to let him stay here. They could pour bronze over him and create a statue of him in memory of her but he did not want to leave this place. Because this is where his soul had left him and he would never be the same.  
  
*******************************  
  
Someone had called 911 because an ambulance showed up about ten minutes later. Thinking Buffy was the reason they had been called, the paramedics put her on a stretcher and put her in the ambulance. Tara and Willow rode with them. They would call Giles as soon as they reached the hospital. The police were also there trying to find out what had happened. They tried to get Spike off the floor but he was dead weight. Xander begged them to leave the vampire alone because in his grief Spike might lash out at them. He lied and said that Buffy had collapsed and she and Spike were together so he was traumatized. He promised the cop he would take care of the seemingly comatose man. Xander urged Anya to take the car and go to Giles. He would need someone with him. Finally the police left and the curious crowd dispersed.  
  
Everything was dark now. The owner's of the club had put a tarp over the hole in the ceiling and turned off all but the emergency lights so everything glowed with an eerie red tint.  
  
Xander stood back for a few moments not really sure what to do now. He didn't want to startle Spike and wind up getting torn apart, regardless of the chip. He approached slowly and sat down in front of the vampire. He reached out and touched Spike's arm.  
  
"Hey, Spike, we've gotta go, buddy. They want to lock the place up and I need to get you home." There was nothing. Spike simply stared at the floor seeing nothing.  
  
"Spike, man, come on. You've got to snap out of it. You can't sit here forever. The sun will be up soon and I need to get you to your place."  
  
"The sun."  
  
Xander was so startled to hear the vampire's voice he nearly yelped in surprise.  
  
"She was my sun."  
  
Xander went cold at his words.  
  
"She was my Dawn. She was my sun. And now she's gone. So I'll sit here until she rises and then maybe they'll let me be with her again. Do you think they will?"  
  
Xander had never liked this creature sitting in front of him. He had felt pity for him at times and now was no different. He had not stopped the slow slide of tears since it had happened and at Spike's words they only came heavier.  
  
"God, Spike, I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine if something like this happened to Anya. I can't begin to know what you're feeling right now but I am so sorry." Unbelieving he was even doing this he pulled the vampire to him and rested his blond head against his shoulder.  
  
"I'm so sorry," Xander cried. It was then that Spike broke. At the feel of a human's comfort all the pain inside unleashed itself and he began to sob loudly. Xander just held on.  
  
****************************************  
  
It was at least an hour later when Xander realized that Spike had stopped crying and had fallen into an exhausted stupor. Lucky for him, Spike wasn't a big guy. He stood and picked up the sleeping man, throwing him over his shoulder and carrying him outside to get a cab. He got to the apartment and let himself in with Spike's key. He put Spike to bed and closed the door softly. He leaned his forehead against the wooden door and took a deep breath.  
  
He stood and moved down the hall to the open door on his right. He just couldn't stop himself from going in. He flipped on the light switch and covered his mouth as the scream of pain tried to get out. She was really gone. The vibrant light in all their lives had gone out. He turned off the light quickly and shut the door. He knew he would have to stay. When Spike woke up he would need someone there to keep him from doing anything stupid. Funny, how just hours before he's been ready to kill the vampire and now he was trying to prevent his death.  
  
Xander curled up on the couch and closed his dry, weary eyes.  
  
***************************************  
  
Giles burst through the hospital doors with Anya hot on his heels. She had tried to explain everything in the car but Giles had barely heard her after the part about Dawn being gone. Buffy had already lost so much. How could whoever was in charge of these things take her sister as well? He was furious as he marched up to the information desk and demanded to see her.  
  
"Sir, she's been sedated and is in a secluded room. She woke up screaming and hysterical so we gave her something to calm her. Are you her father?" The question stopped him cold. No one had called Hank Summers. But how would they explain? Your daughter was a mystical key and in trying to leave your daughter's body it burned her to nothing. Yeah, he'd go for that.  
  
"Yes, I'm her father." He said without hesitation.  
  
"Right this way." The nurse led him to the end of the corridor and opened a door.  
  
"She's sleeping deeply. You can stay for five minutes but that's all. She needs rest."  
  
Giles nodded and walked into the semi-dark room. Buffy lay pale and cold under the white hospital sheets. Her skin nearly matched the blanket. She looked so frail, nothing like the warrior he knew her to be. He could not stand to stay for five minutes. He turned and made his way to the lobby to find the others. When he saw them they all started to cry and talk at once trying to tell him what had happened.  
  
"Where is Spike?" He asked suddenly. They all stopped and looked at each other as if they had just noticed he wasn't there.  
  
"Xander stayed with him I think. The manager wanted to close up and Spike wouldn't move. Xander was going to take him home and stay with him." Anya informed him.  
  
Ironic what circumstances like this did to people, Giles thought. He gathered his little family to him in one big embrace and together they mourned under the harsh glare of the fluorescent lights, waiting for their Slayer to awake.  
  
TBC 


	27. Chapter 27

Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 27  
  
Author: Dawn  
  
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks that there is nothing left. S/D Takes place after "As You Were". AU after that.  
  
Spoilers: Anything before "As You Were" is fair game.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: Joss still owns it and boy do I miss it.  
  
Distribution: Anywhere but please ask first and keep my name attached.  
  
Author's Note: Okay, I have no excuses. I got lazy. Thanks to all of you who kept e-mailing me to write some more. This chapter is for you.  
  
***********************************  
  
Normally in the life of a vampire, three years is the blink of an eye. Compared to eternity, it's really not that long. But for Spike, when you've lost the person who was the very reason you hadn't offed yourself in the first place, unlife seemed to drag by at amazingly slow pace.  
  
The first month after Dawn's disappearance was very difficult for everyone. Buffy was put on suicide watch in the hospital for three days. The doctor's kept her sedated until Giles insisted they stop. He felt it was better for her to deal with what had happened than lie staring at the ceiling for the rest of her life. Once the drugs had worn off, the weeping and raging denial had set in. Giles wound up with a black eye and cracked ribs before his Slayer had finally broken down in his arms. He took her home by Sunday.  
  
Since the Scoobies weren't allowed in the wing of the hospital where Buffy was being kept they were on Spike watch. Not that there was much to watch. They had taken him to his apartment and put him to bed and he hadn't moved since. It was when they had become complacent that he had made his move.  
  
He snuck out and tried to walk into the sun. If he hadn't been so weak from not eating or sleeping, they wouldn't have been able to pull him back inside. Next, he's tried to stake himself. Xander had stopped that attempt in a déjà vu moment. Spike had yelled and cursed and ranted about why they wouldn't just let him die. Buffy had taken charge and locked Spike and herself in the training room at the Magic Box. No one was quite sure what had been said in there but Spike came out looking resigned and none to happy.  
  
But the suicide attempts stopped. He never tried again. But he didn't get better. He was on a level of mourning that none of the gang could understand, not even Buffy. He rarely ate until he was so emaciated Buffy had to intervene again. She knew he wasn't sleeping either, not that he ever had before.  
  
Giles had gone through the motions and filed a missing persons report with the police for appearances. After work everyday, he would sit at the round table in the shop and pour over books trying to find some answers as to why Dawn was gone. A month after Dawn's disappearance was when the memories started to fade. Buffy would forget she had had a sister until she would get home and see Dawn's room. Then the pain would hit her all over again and she would call Spike crying. The other's had very little to remind them of the once vibrant girl so their memories were quicker to go. Everyone got to forget, except Spike. His memories of her were still very much real and vivid in his mind. He didn't get angry with the others for the loss of theirs. They didn't understand why it was happening but he did.  
  
He knew that whatever higher being there might be, this was his way of making it easier for the group to deal with Dawn's 'death'. But, Spike figured since he was damned anyway, he was allowed to remember. He didn't consider it a curse though. Fate might think it was a burden to him but he reveled in them.  
  
Before he knew it, the year was over and a new one began. It was almost unbearable knowing that none of them remembered why he was in so much pain emotionally. They would ask him why he was so different and sad now. He would just shrug it off, not wanting to try and explain it again. Eventually they would stop believing him anyway.  
  
Buffy had cleared out Dawn's room and given most of her stuff to Spike. All the pictures that had included the younger girl's smiling face had suddenly changed to show nothing but Buffy and her mother. The picture in Spike's home, however, of the three Summer's women did not alter. It had gotten to the point where Buffy could not even recall why this other person's stuff was in her home.  
  
She had started training again and had gotten back her tan and gained back some of the weight she had lost. She was radiant once again and Spike was at least happy about that.  
  
It was at the end of the second year that he decided to leave Sunnydale. Buffy didn't need him anymore for patrolling and she didn't understand why he didn't want to further their relationship. All past events had supposedly been forgiven so why didn't he want her now? Knowing there was nothing he could say to make it better, he left. She had cried and begged him to stay then yelled at him that he was just like all the others, but he wasn't in love with her anymore, if he ever really had been.  
  
She finally calmed down and asked that he at least keep in touch so she would know he was okay. He laughed bitterly at that. He would never be okay again. He had left around midnight and spent New Year's Eve getting completely sloshed at a bar in L.A.  
  
From there, he made his way across the States, stopping here and there to see the sights and get drunk again. Good thing his liver was already a lost cause. He found himself in New York in the fall of the third year. He wasn't sure what had brought him here. He'd been here before. Killed his second Slayer here. It pained him to think of Nikki now. Vampires don't feel remorse. Yeah, right. He'd like to find the guy who had written all that rot.  
  
He took over the top floor of an old abandoned brownstone. Only had to kill six vamps to do it. Once there, he slept for four days straight not even waking to feed. He hadn't killed a human since he'd found out the chip didn't work. He wasn't sure why he hadn't turned back to his feral ways once Dawn had disappeared. He still felt like she was watching him somehow and she wouldn't have liked it if he'd started feeding again. He kept to the animal blood and occasionally had a glass of O neg at a demon bar once in a while.  
  
At night, he would stalk the back streets of the city that didn't sleep and take care of random demons and vamps. Making the world safe for puppies and Christmas. It kept the demon in him happy and helped him work off the excess grief that weighed him down till he felt like he was crawling under it sometimes.  
  
It was on his third week in the city that he realized he must live near the university. He had saved quite a few drunken kids over the past few days and after a brief walk to the end of his block he saw that there was actually a lot of university housing around here. Also, the pub he'd found and fallen in love with seemed to sport a lot of youngsters as well. It was called O'Malley's and it reminded him a great deal of his time spent in Ireland and Scotland. The hard wood floors gleamed but were worn by time and shoes. The heavy oak tables were scarred and ring-stained from to many spills. There was a large stone fireplace against one wall and the lights were kept low to create a cozy, comfortable atmosphere. Most of the college crowd stayed near the fire, lying around on the overstuffed couches and armchairs. He'd catch snippets of conversation about authors and teachers and philosophy. They'd probably be shocked at some of the things he could tell them from his nearly two centuries of life on this planet. Their naiveté was both amusing and sad.  
  
It was on one of those nights as he sat in at his dark corner booth nursing a Guinness that the door to the pub opened and in breezed what had to be a ghost. He nearly spit his beer all over the table at the sight of a chocolate-haired, blue-eyed waif who went straight up to the bar, leaned over it, and smacked a kiss on Mr. O'Malley's ruddy cheek. He laughed loudly and touched her face as if they knew each other well. This had to be the old man's daughter, but how? Spike couldn't think, he couldn't move. It was impossible. He'd listened as the old gent had told him of his nineteen-year-old girl who was in her second year at NYU. Going to be a doctor or a dancer he had laughed, depending on if the second choice didn't pan out. He'd described her thoroughly but how many blue-eyed brunettes were there in the world? Thousands, millions?  
  
He watched her through wide eyes and his mouth hanging open as she bounded behind the counter to hug Mr. O'Malley. They talked quickly and then she grabbed an apron and started clearing away empty bottles and used napkins. He tried to get her to stop but she shooed him away and began taking orders from the people standing around.  
  
There was an odd ache in his chest and for just a moment he felt something warm just behind his breastbone. Hope. It was a strange sensation and one he hadn't felt since the night he'd seen Buffy coming down the stairs after she'd been dead for three months. It had been so long since he's felt it but he welcomed it.  
  
"Dawn," he whispered to himself. The name sounded foreign on his tongue. He hadn't said it in nearly three years. He wasn't sure what to do next. He couldn't run up to her and grab her and kiss her completely senseless as he wanted. She obviously wasn't his Dawn. That caused a sharp pain through the warmth in his body but he pushed it aside. She looked so happy and so..normal.  
  
She was laughing at something one of the guys at the bar had said and Spike could see that the people here knew her well. She must work here when she wasn't at school. So where had she been the past three weeks he'd been here? Then he remembered his last talk with Mr. O'Malley. She'd spent a month in England doing an internship of some sort for one of her credits. She must have just gotten home.  
  
He fell back against the solid wood of the booth and let out a whoosh of air. He honestly felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. She continued to work consistently and comfortably around the pub as he sat there having his whole world turned upside down. Dawn was alive.  
  
*************************************  
  
Katelyn had felt the man's eyes on her almost as soon as she'd entered the pub. At first, she thought he might be someone she knew but at a quick glance she dismissed that theory. She ignored him for the moment and went to her father for a brief hello. They would talk more at home after the bar closed. She'd been away for a month and had lots to tell her parents about all she'd seen and experienced in England. Her father would have lots of comments, mostly negative, she was sure considering his Irish heritage but he would listen and be glad that she'd enjoyed herself.  
  
She put on her apron and while cleaning up the bar, tried to get a better look at the guy who was, as far as she could tell, still staring at her. He sat in the corner and the shadows seemed to adore him. He wore all black and his bleached hair almost glowed in the low light. She nearly cursed at the darkness around him hiding his face from her. His gaze was like the sun on her skin. She actually had goose bumps and couldn't suppress a shiver. God, she was acting like she'd never seen an attractive man before. At least, she thought he was attractive. Hard to tell with all that dark around him.  
  
Okay, this was ridiculous. She'd just go over there and ask him if he needed anything and get this whole mysterious thing out of the way. She did it slow. Going to other tables first and finally she was standing in front of him and damn, but he wasn't ugly. Eyes the color of the sky in summer bored into her until she couldn't breathe at the intense look he was giving her. Cheekbones to die for and a full lower lip that just begged to be nibbled on. Katelyn shook her head to clear those thoughts out and smiled slightly.  
  
"Can I get you anything else?" She asked before she realized his bottle was still half fool. Idiot. He probably thought she was a complete dimwit.  
  
He didn't speak for a few minutes and she didn't know if it was because she left him speechless of he was waiting to formulate small words.  
  
"You are the most stunning creature I have ever seen."  
  
Okay, knees were buckling now. He had the sexiest voice that had ever graced her ears. Low and deadly with the English accent thrown in for an extra wow. He could read the dictionary to her and she'd be all over him. And what the hell had he just said to her?  
  
She knew she was blushing, curse her Irish skin. No man had ever said anything quite like that to her before and she didn't know whether he was just giving her a line or being sincere. She wanted to believe the latter.  
  
"Don't get out much, huh?" She joked but when he didn't even crack a smile she cleared her throat uncomfortably. Tough crowd.  
  
"Sorry, it's just.I work here and get a lot of guys with one too many drinks in them and suddenly I'm a goddess." She explained.  
  
He held up his beer.  
  
"This is my first." He assured her. She couldn't help but smile. Why did she feel like she knew this man? Something niggled in the back of her brain as if trying to push it's way to the front. She nearly dropped the tray she was carrying as a sharp pain tore through her skull. The man was beside her so fast she jumped. He grabbed her arm and looked worriedly at her.  
  
"Are you all right, luv?" As soon as he touched her she gasped at the electrical charge that ran up her arm and through the rest of her body like a freight train. Who the hell was this guy?  
  
"I'm okay. Jet lag, I guess." She put her fingers against her temple and messaged at the throbbing that had started after the flash of pain.  
  
"Here, sit down for a minute. I'm sure your dad won't mind." He pulled her to the table and helped her to sit and then scooted in beside her blocking her escape.  
  
***************************************  
  
Spike couldn't believe it. She was here and he was touching her. Surely this had to be heaven. He kept his hand on her arm even after he helped her to sit and took in her features like a starving man who had just been offered a seven-course meal. She had cut her hair, or maybe for this girl it had always been short. It curved around her face softly bringing attention to her flawless, porcelain skin. Her blue eyes were pain-filled at the moment but before he had seen the confusion in them. If this were Dawn, just in another way, then maybe her mind was trying to remember him.  
  
"You know my dad?"  
  
Spike suddenly realized she was speaking.  
  
"Uh, a little. Only been coming here about three weeks. Nice bloke. Loves you more than life itself."  
  
The girl looked over to where her father was wiping down the wooden bar.  
  
"Yeah, I know."  
  
She sounded almost wistful, a note of sadness in her tone.  
  
"Isn't that a good thing, pet? Parents who adore you and all that." Spike asked. He couldn't keep a little sarcasm out of it.  
  
She turned to him and looked him straight in the eye and it nearly felled him. Everything shrunk to this point between them. Every other person in the pub disappeared and it was just the two of them. They stared into one another's eyes for what seemed like ages but in reality was probably minutes.  
  
He could see her mind working overtime trying desperately to place him or categorize him and coming up with nothing. He could sense her growing frustration. Her heart rate was accelerated and her breathing was fast and shallow. Suddenly, she grabbed his hand, the one that had been resting on her arm.  
  
"I know you. I know I do. I don't know from where or when but I know your face." She said fervently. Spike placed his other hand over hers rubbed her knuckles lightly. He felt her shiver. He looked back up.  
  
"Don't try so hard, pigeon. It'll come."  
  
"So, I do know you." That seemed to calm her. At least she wasn't crazy.  
  
"No."  
  
Her face fell immediately. He chuckled a little at how much like Buffy she looked when she did that.  
  
"You don't know me but.it's difficult to explain. You as someone else knew me very well."  
  
Katelyn felt the goose bumps again at the way he said 'very well'. So someone who wasn't her but was had had a relationship with this man. Lucky her. Sure wished she could remember it. Her head had started to throb again.  
  
"You all right, Katelyn?"  
  
Both of them turned to find Mr. O'Malley standing over them with a fiercely protective look.  
  
"I'm fine, dad. Just a sudden headache. Probably just from the time change. This gentlemen was just letting me sit down till it goes away."  
  
Mr. O'Malley seemed to suddenly realize who the man was.  
  
"Ah, Spike my lad. Didn't know it was you. So, you've met me pride and joy there you have. Katelyn this is Spike. Spike, this is my daughter, Katelyn." The two turned to each other and remembered almost simultaneously that they were still holding hands. They pulled away quickly and threw shy smiles at each other.  
  
"Spike?" She asked playfully.  
  
He shrugged it off.  
  
"Nickname, pet."  
  
"Oh, yeah? How'd you get it?"  
  
"You don't want to know and I really don't want to tell you. I just met you. Rather you hate me later than right now."  
  
"Ah, sordid past, huh."  
  
He leered at her a little and turned up the charm.  
  
"You have no idea."  
  
She actually laughed at that. It was like music to him. It had been so long since he'd heard it and he had thought to never hear it again. The why of all of this was there in his mind but he was close to her now and the whys could wait till he got home. Till he wasn't looking at her beautiful face and touching her soft skin. Till he wasn't falling in love with her all over again.  
  
Dawn was thrown by all of this. She knew this man. She was sure of it. But how and from where did she know him? Her father seemed to like him and that was saying something since he'd only seemed to know him for a short time and he was English. But these weird feelings of familiarity were starting to frustrate her. Every time he touched her it was like coming home and his voice was like a balm on her frayed nerves.  
  
"Katelyn, did ya here me girl?"  
  
Her father's voice finally broke through and she dragged her gaze from Spike.  
  
"What dad?"  
  
Her father smiled and winked at her.  
  
"If you're gonna be helpin' me out then up with ya. There's some thirsty gents at the bar." He informed her, still smiling as he walked away.  
  
She rolled her eyes and grinned at Spike and little embarrassed by her father's obvious match making.  
  
"I guess I better earn my keep."  
  
Spike didn't want to let her go. Now that he knew she was alive he didn't want to take his eyes off of her. But he slid from the booth and let her out. She stopped and turned to him.  
  
"Will you be back tomorrow night?" She didn't want to sound desperate but she had to figure out what was going on in her head.  
  
"You won't be able to get rid of me." He promised. She smiled at that and went back to the bar.  
  
Spike sat back down and took a swig of his now warm beer. He continued to watch her and smirk at her when he caught her looking at him. He'd found her. After three long years of torment, he'd found his sun. But would she remember him? Would fate allow her the memory of what they had shared before she'd been molded into this life? And what new memories did she have. What had been pushed on her now that had never really happened?  
  
He had forever to find out and suddenly eternity wasn't looking so bad.  
  
TBC 


End file.
